One of the first pieces of fatherly advice my Dad imparted to me as a freshman in high school went something like this: “Caitlin, boys only want one thing. To get in your pants. Make sure they know that ‘no’ means ‘no,’ and if they don’t like that you kick them right in the…”

Every time my Dad would tell me that he’d have a different slang word for “balls.” “Kajoobies” is a personal favorite. He would also add: “I know this is what boys want because I was one!”

The holidays always make me realize how many great guys I have in my life–and I don’t just mean my dah. My Mom is one of my best friends but I’m a total Daddy’s girl. Not in the sense where I bat my eyelashes and get whatever I want, but in the sense that to this day, I take everything he says as the gospel truth. This complicates things when he jokes around, which is often. Same goes for my grandfathers. My Dad taught me more about love than I could have ever learned on my own by trial and error and forget all those “self-help” books.

Whenever my Dad would give me the “boys only want to get in your pants” speech it always ended the same way. When he was done instructing me on how to kick them to cause the most physical pain, he would look me in the eye and say: “Remember this. No boy, not a single one, will ever love you as much as I do.”

That’s pretty overwhelming for a 13 year old, but now, at 24, I’m fairly certain it’s probably true. So goes some of the perils of the post-dating world.

Other important things my Dad taught me about love and relationships came somewhat indirectly. It’s been my experience that most Dad’s aren’t best at talking:

1. He taught me not to sweat the small stuff–like when my jeans split right down the ass at a Middle School dance. I came home to computer printouts taped to my door that said “You ain’t hip unless you rip.” That boy at the dance asked me out because I learned to play it cool on Monday.

2. He taught me how to break up with someone. Seriously. We all have that ex-boyfriend who’s still around. Well, a few years ago mine (my first real love) was still making me miserable. I was in tears on the phone with him one day when my Dad grabbed my phone and yelled, “You hurt my daughter. Please don’t call her ever again you little jerk!” He never called again. It was the push I needed and I learned to stand up for myself.

3. He taught me the difference between “like” and “love.” We like “Cat Ballou” but we love “Blazing Saddles.”

4. When you love someone, you’re there for them no matter what. My Dad proved this by seeing me in the Nutcracker every year for almost a decade. My gut tells me he hates the Nutcracker, and if he didn’t he certainly does now, but he was there. Same goes for Middle School chorus concerts and long, boring graduations.

Whether it was yelling at old boyfriends, threatening prom dates, teaching me how to kick someone where it counts or just having a dance party in our kitchen to Chicago the most important thing my Dad taught me is that love isn’t supposed to be complicated.

By just being there for me my Dad taught me everything I need to know about relationships. If it’s not fun and you can’t be yourself there’s no point.

May every girl be so lucky.