hookup hotshot compilation
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Tunes
Some people turn to music to gain perspective on their current place in life. We want to know that somebody understands what we’re going through, and if they can make those emotions sound melodious and catchy when paired with a good beat then, well, we’ll believe anything they have to say.
However, not all tunes are helpful. Some pop songs offer straight-up awful advice for your love life. This list over at HowAboutWe tells you which songs to avoid when you’re sorting through matters of the heart.
Friendsies. Since we all got proverbially drunk together last week, I’ve received mixed feedback regarding a few of my playlists. While some of you were like:
Others were a little less enthused about my attitude towards alcohol:
Which meant that this week, in the name of equality, I made a counter-drunk playlist. So, for those of you who prefer guys like this:
It’s time to blaze! Naked! In a bed! Then free associate a little! If you think smoking marijuana before sex sounds totes amaze, please enjoy this list of tunes to which you can get stoned, get laid (by Aaron Paul? HA JK YOU WISH HE’S MINE FOREVER), get giggly, get sleepy, get woken up with a joint in your face, get more stoned, get… oops I forgot what I was saying. Where were we? Oh yeah. Music.
Whether it be pounding beers or sippin’ on Moet Chandon, most humans (over the age of 21 or 18 if you’re in Europe!) enjoy the occasional sip or more of alcohol. Many humans also use alcohol to pregame for sexual experiences, as alcohol prevents questions such as “Have I shaved my ladytown recently?” and “Is this guy cute or am I just bored?” and “Have we met?” from inhibiting our confidence, and also makes us feel:
… which often makes us want to get naked and do stuff with other naked people. Like sex. So, in the name of consensually inebriated lovemaking, have a beer or 1-5 cocktails (HAHA?!) and hopefully some orgasms.
“It’s like a crime scene in my pants.”
Menstruation: it happens. Period sex? It happens too. Whether it happens intentionally or accidentally, on the newly-washed sheets, in the steaming hot shower, or atop the kitchen counter, is up to you. But it f’sho def totes happens. And it can be really great! Especially if you remember to put a towel down!
*WAIT PAUSE QUICK PSA REALLY FAST: If YOU aren’t into having sex on your period, that’s fine. But if you aren’t having sex on your period because HE isn’t into you when you’re bleeding out le vagine, then whoever you’re having sex with is a gross misogynist with no appreciation for the female body and you should dump him immediately and find someone who wants you like a hungry (but loving!) vampire, regardless of what time of the month it is!*
Back to the playlist. Inspired by the scene in No Strings Attached AKA THE BEST ROM-COM OF ALL TIME in which Ashton Kutcher delivers a “Casual” Period Mix to Natalie Portman, I’ve attempted to invoke both visual and gustatory imagery, in case touching + listening to dirty songs about blood doesn’t quite do it for you.
You can listen to the entire playlist on Spotify by clicking here or click on each individual song to listen:
Motivation by Kelly Rowland (ft. Lil Wayne) from the album Motivation. “Uh, girl I turn that thing into a rainforest / Rain on my head, call that brainstorming.” h/t Jessica Donalds for knowing how to get us in the mood.
Continuing last week’s trend of self-celebration and immaturity, let’s get downer and dirtier with ourselves this weekend, shall we? I, for one, like things to be exactly the way I want them. While this occasionally causes trouble during sex between TWO people, I never seem to have a problem when I’m flying solo. In fact, I know few greater pleasures in life than those I am capable of giving myself. ERGO: I made a masturbation playlist. So get into your bathtub, turn on the faucet, surround yo’self with bubbles n’ bath oils, and open your legs to the sweet sounds of self-love.
You can listen to the entire playlist on Spotify by clicking HERE or click on each individual song to listen:
In tribute to toys that often do better than men, Vibrate by Outkast from the album Speakerboxxx/The Love Below.
Young Brave Me by The Preatures from the album Shaking Hands. Let the self love begin.
Because for all you guys know, my birthday wishes came true last week and I’ve been rolling around naked in banana pancakes and maple syrup every morning since last Saturday. (Just kidding, that would totally ruin the carpet in my apartment.)
Morning sex is beneficial for boosting both mood and metabolism, and therefore should be encouraged by having playlists made about it.
You can listen to the entire playlist on Spotify by clicking HERE or click on each individual song to listen:
To start things off, a morning sex classic: Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson from the album In Between Dreams.
Between Sheets by Imogen Heap from the album Ellipse.
Like Blair Waldorf, I fully believe I am the star of my own life movie. Here’s to my hot sex scene!
Because it’s my birthday tomorrow, and what kind of immature, self-absorbed, almost 24 year old would I be if I didn’t make this whole week entirely about myself? Below is a compilation of songs that I would be willing to listen to/have sex to while celebrating the moment when (10 hours of labor, sorry Mom!) I wiggled my way, crying and bloody, out of the trappings of my mother’s womb and onto our beautiful planet.
You can listen to the entire playlist on Spotify by clicking HERE or click on each individual song to listen:
First and foremost, a birthday classic: It’s My Party (…and I’ll Cry If I Want to) by Ingrid Dumosch from the album Party Songs for Girls Age Nine. Yes, I listen to albums for nine year olds. Yes, it is my party. And I will probably cry, whether or not I want to, because I do that every year.
Friends. Last week we lost our collective and proverbial playlist virginity. Together. It was special. You feel different. I feel different. Deep and meaningful feelings were felt. So now I feel obligated to lighten the mood. Weekend flings over diamond rings, casual sex to match your casual clothes for summer. Here are some tunes to which you can casually do it.
Babes. Dudes. Belated Breaking News: Dating & Hookup is on Spotify. For a few weeks now, but we’ll keep telling you because repetition is beautiful and because maybe you were camping or on a yoga retreat a few weeks ago and didn’t get our first announcement. Some sexy summer tunes have already been assembled for you, but in this day and age of constant consumption and communication, we know “seasonal favorites” don’t actually last a whole season.
THEREFORE: More playlists must be made. This time they’re sex themed. Every Friday we’ll present you with a new sexual suggestion slash weekend playlist to blast while you road trip to Bonetown, USA.
Ladies, I still occasionally get the urge to update my Facebook status with dramatic song lyrics. But I don’t (usually), because it’s corny, and because when I do, I feel just like my junior high self, plastering AIM away messages with gems like
hello there…
the *~angel~* from my ++NiGhTmArE++
I mean, who didn’t secretly envision herself as the spidery temptress of Blink-182′s “I Miss You”? That’s just one of those songs that appeals to a woman junior high girl on a visceral level. We all want to be unforgettable–we all want to be someone’s muse, preferably Leonard Cohen’s Justin Timberlake’s (“shit so sick got a hit and picked up a habit?” um that’s cute).
The great thing about the following songs is that they’re not just about hot bitches or whatever the rappers are singing about these days. The women who haunt these lyrics are multidimensional, and who doesn’t want to be remembered in 3D? These songs encapsulate a type of woman who is both sexy and mysterious, good and bad, tortured and powerful. (Except maybe the Justin Bieber one.) And I’m pretty sure all these songs were written about me. They were probably written about you, too.
Ladies,It’s almost summer. Memorial day happened. We grilled. We remembered. We looked down at ourselves in our bathing suits and thought “okay, there’s still a little time to fix this.” And now it’s time to look forward. Winter is coming, but not for another 6ish months, depending on where you live, and how much your place of employment cranks the air conditioning inside. So, in the spirit of sunscreen, sandals, and sexcapades, we at Dating & Hookup recommend that you carpe effing diem / get tan while you still can.
Introducing: Dating & Hookup on Spotify. Where we shall celebrate summer, emphasize the power of the vagina, make women want to dance, etc.
Oh, Hi, Cyndi. Nice to run into you on the Internet today. Because, I actually have something I’ve been meaning to confess to you. It’s just that see, I’ve treated you poorly.
The fault lies with drunk girls who sing your song at karaoke. One night in particular stands out– when those six sorority girls from East Carolina ”looking for some flavor” overwhelmed my local East Village bar’s Tuesday karaoke with their wavering, shrill tones. They were just so awful, Cyndi, that it clouded my judgement. And they sang your song six times. Six. And thus, those young ladies polluted what has to be one of the greatest, girl-power, pop anthems of all time.
I’m so sorry Cyndi, for all the nights that followed, when I seized on your song whenever someone mentioned karaoke.
“I love karaoke,” I’d say. “But, if anybody gets drunk and sings ‘Girls Just Wanna Have Fun’ I’m going to strangle them with a glitter thong from Spencer’s Gifts.”