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Techno-Romance
Can I confess something? I freakin’ love astrology. I’ve always been intrigued by it, and I do truly believe that there are certain traits that certain signs posses. Of course, everybody is different, but I will defend the opinion that all Scorpios are strong-willed or that all Sagittarius folk need their space. I say this as a Scorpio dating a Sagittarius. And luckily, my boyfriend feels the same way about astrology that I do.
But what if I were single? I’ve been down that road, and I’ve tried OkCupid and Tinder (among others), and I gotta say, it was kind of a bust. So based on my love of astrology and my love of dating apps/sites, I would definitely try Align.
What is Align? It’s an app that matches you up based on your astrological sign. Look, I realize some of you may be reading this and rolling your eyes, but hear me out.
I’ve decided to get a little Emily Post up in here considering there is no current Emily Post and she made it all up anyway. My first order of gauntlet throwing: the social media + break-up connection: what do you with all those photos after the relationship is no more?
I think we need to handle this on a case-by-case basis, which I’ve outlined below. Obviously the real answer is do as you please, but if you can’t figure out what you please, here are some thoughts.
Where we last left off in the world of dating apps, we were discussing dating app Bumble, and whether or not it empowers women. Well, I’ve just been alerted to yet another dating app, and this one combines Tinder with the “missed connections” section of Craigslist. It’s called Happn, and the idea behind it is you see someone cute — in real life (gasp!) — and the app finds them in your proximity and you take it from there. It launched in San Francisco, but it’s bigger in Europe (and Australia), with a hefty 2.5 million users. To quote Happn itself,
Every time you cross paths with another happn member in real life, their profile shows up on your timeline!
Every time you cross paths with another happn member in real life, their profile shows up on your timeline!
On every profile, you can see the number of times you’ve encountered this person.
And if you don’t want to see a person on happn anymore, you just have to click on the Cross button.You want to get in touch with someone you’ve crossed paths with?
You can check out their profile at any time and see the time and place of your last encounter.
You happen to find someone you like?
Like them secretly with the Heart button: they won’t find out… unless the interest is mutual!
And if you wish to be noticed, charm them to send them a notification.
(For men, sending a charm costs 1 credit.)
Get the idea? So what do we think? Is this the new Tinder?
It seems like you can’t throw a sandwich in this town without hitting a new dating app. (But why waste a sandwich like that? That’s distressing.) Now that Tinder is raising its prices, I figured it wouldn’t take long for another app to step up and try to reclaim the dating app throne. Is Bumble that dating app?
A few things about Bumble. It was created by Whitney Wolfe, a Tinder co-creator. She parted with Tinder last year, leaving sexual harassment and workplace discriminations in her wake. Wolfe says Bumble is specifically geared towards women in the 18-35 demographic. Here’s how it works: women make the first move. If they see someone they fancy, they have 24 hours to reach out and send that first message, or their match is gone forever. Wolfe describes it as being, “Sadie Hawkins inspired.”
Ever get tired of swiping left or right through a sea of people in your city who have been narrowed down only by an age range? Let’s get more specific shall we?
As always, the Internet has come to our rescue. Here are some incredibly specific dating sites to meet all your individual needs.
EquestrianCupid.com
Unclear whether you can sign up to find someone else who has horse posters all over their room, or if you can match with an actual horse.
Even if we all texted exactly what we meant…it probably wouldn’t get us very far anyway. JUST PICK UP THE PHONE!
Big news in the online dating world! Tinder, the addictive dating app, is unleashing Tinder Plus upon the world. Tinder Plus offers brand new features, like “rewind”, meaning, if you accidentally swiped left when you meant to swipe right, you can “rewind” and undo your grave error. They’re also offering their “passport” feature, which enables you to find bangable options in any city. Sounds like good stuff, right?
Well, here’s the thing: Tinder is going to charge for this service, which, okay, fine. Rosette Pambakian, a Tinder rep, reported to the Huffington Post that Tinder Plus will cost a monthly subscription of $9.99 — unless you’re 30, or over. If your twenties are behind you, so is your $9.99 fee. Instead, you’ll have to pay $19.99.
Hey, what’s better than a real human boyfriend? A fake digital boyfriend, obviously! Elite Daily announced to the world last week that, “A set of apps called Invisible Boyfriend and Invisible Girlfriend, now in beta, offer you the chance to create a significant other who will send texts and appear in photos with you.”
Um, wut? I get lonely sometimes (as all of us sad, sad, chronically single people do), but I don’t think having a robot text me sweet nothings at night would fix that. In fact, I think it would exacerbate my sadness, because it would be taunting me with what I don’t have.
The article points out the myriad uses for the app, which mostly concern tricking people. “The new partner also comes with a unique meet-cute story and shared photographs for your nosy aunt to see,” and “He or she will send real-time messages checking in on you, meaning your coworkers can watch a message exchange happen.”
But really, is it worth this whole kit and caboodle to lie to people who are just concerned about your wellbeing? Maybe I have a super-rad, mega-awesome family, but besides the occasional standard, “Is there anyone special?” I don’t get pestered about my personal life very much. Very, very, very occasionally, they’ll pry a teeny bit further, but who needs an invisible boyfriend app when we still have access to the good, ole-fashioned excuse? “Sorry family, I have a full-time job, a part time job, and a time-consuming hobby. No time for sweet, sweet lovin’.”
“Amanda Bradford doesn’t think her dating app, The League, is elitist. She prefers the word “curated,” the same way Ivy League schools and top employers select only the best candidates,” explains Business Insider.
Umm… girl, let’s not use euphemisms. It’s elitist. This is some straight up sorority girl booshit that just got $2.1 million in funding. It’s for a good cause though guys, “Ultimately, Bradford wants to match tons of power couples.” And, isn’t that what the free world needs, more power couples? I just wish Bradford had a modicum of self-awareness and understood that this truly is elitist. Just come out, say it, and embrace it. I’d respect it way more. Like, cool, I don’t agree but you do you girl.
If you’re wondering who the 4,500 beta users are, “Right now, the app skews slightly female, and its users often have advanced degrees. They tend to be in their late 20s; all have been carefully selected by Bradford’s team using an are-you-cool-enough algorithm her tech team built.”
Look, I was in a sorority for four whole years. I participated in grueling weeks of rush school for three of those years, which makes it pretty easy for me to sniff out some pretty obvious similarities between what I went through and what Bradford’s team apparently gets paid to do. #justsaying
Have you ever wished for more realness in online dating? Settle For Love, a new dating website, has your back. Their tagline is “embrace perfection”, and they ask all users to list their pros and cons. You can even add photos in your list. For example, on their Kickstarter page, they play a pretty sad video of a lonely guy with thinning hair using the website to “settle” for love. He posts a photo of his balding mane along with the caption, “My hair is fading fast…” and a few other cons:
You probably shouldn’t have an Instagram with your significant other. But if you do… Just don’t wind up like this couple.
Dating in 2014 is Log-Lady-from-Twin-Peaks level of weird. Unfortunately, it’s becoming clearer that gone are the days of hitting it off with someone at a party, “Can I take you to dinner and a movie?” and walking them to their front door. We now judge whether someone is “into” us off of how they respond and interact with us on social media. This is not a new idea. It’s just (mostly) truth.
I can’t say anything negative about it, really, since one of the main reasons my boyfriend and I are together is because I added him on Snapchat after we hit it off at a mutual friend’s housewarming party. We sent each other snaps of “The Office” season 3, silly faces, and eventually that grew into a real crush. We’ve been together for almost a year. Can I say, without sounding completely cheesy, that I’m absolutely, one hundred percent, in love with him? Because I am, no regrets.
But dating in 2014 can cause severe anxiety attacks. I know from my single days, from my friends who are currently dating, and from coworkers. We have to literally decode everything from, “He/She just favorited my tweet! Oh my God, they just favorited another one?!” to “They sent me that smirk emoji. What does it MEAN?!?!?!?!?” It’s exhausting and tiresome and embarrassing when we realize that while we’re having these kinds of conversations, our parents and grandparents owned houses and had several children by the time they were our age.