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We’ve heard that honesty is the best policy, especially where relationships are concerned. Dr. Phil would have a heart attack if I suggested that perhaps sometimes a gentle lie is the best way to go. Well, maybe. I’m still not sure.
Here 3 examples of little lies that can pop up in relationships:
Mike will tell you there are a few things more important than trust, but the list is pretty short (and for a good reason).
“She worries, as I do, about getting fat.”
That’s a line from Michael Ian Black’s book on marriage and family. “She,” as you might have guessed, is his wife.
“She worries, as I do, about getting fat.”
Reading that, I felt something unexpected. I felt jealous.
How he said it—so matter-of-factly, so unselfconsciously—that’s what I wanted: to express this concern confident that it was normal.
But when I worry about getting fat, it’s more complicated.
Was It Really That Bad?
It’s been nearly 15 years since I had food issues. I still struggle with the term eating disorder. That sounds too official. I never saw a doctor or a therapist, was never hospitalized or diagnosed.
When I first saw his cute face, I didn’t know what to make of him. Actually, that’s an understatement. I didn’t even know what he was. I asked around and learned his name: Marvin. Like me, he was from Boston.
He hung around with a guy, Ryan, whom I’d met at a concert the year before. Some sparks had flown, but now Ryan seemed eager to introduce me to his friend. I said hello to Marvin and did my best to make a good impression. His eyes grew heavy and soon he was asleep.
Not easily won over, huh?
My hard drive crashed on Tuesday. You know when they say, “always back it up?” And then you do for the longest time, but then you get lazy and you get a new MacBook Pro. And it’s so nice and fancy that it couldn’t possibly fail so you don’t get around to backing it up? And then it crashes shortly after the warranty expires?
Mhmm, that would be me I’m talking about.
No joke, the loss of my computer is causing me a degree of physical agony. I slept eleven hours last night like a depressed person. Don’t ask me the cost to fix that bad boy and recover my data, or the time it will take them to do so. Up to a month if it’s bad.
Our computers mean big things in our lives. Technology is one of the primary way I connect with everyone in my life, professionally, personally, romantically. Before I moved out to LA to be with my boyfriend, our relationship existed basically over video chat. It felt distancing and tired.
However, when I remove technology from my life even for TWO DAYS I feel far more alienated than I ever did when staring at that stupid video chat camera experiencing a “so close yet so far away” phenomenon.
All this to say, my two days computerless has reminded me of this great TED talk I watched on the Internet’s affect on trust. See guys, technology yields goodness! Facebook friend request that man! The Internet is about idealism and joy!
I love the internet. I love my computer. I want it baaaaaack.
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