Menstruation: it happens. Period sex? It happens too. Whether it happens intentionally or accidentally, on the newly-washed sheets, in the steaming hot shower, or atop the kitchen counter, is up to you. But it f’sho def totes happens. And it can be really great! Especially if you remember to put a towel down!
*WAIT PAUSE QUICK PSA REALLY FAST: If YOU aren’t into having sex on your period, that’s fine. But if you aren’t having sex on your period because HE isn’t into you when you’re bleeding out le vagine, then whoever you’re having sex with is a gross misogynist with no appreciation for the female body and you should dump him immediately and find someone who wants you like a hungry (but loving!) vampire, regardless of what time of the month it is!*
Back to the playlist. Inspired by the scene in No Strings Attached AKA THE BEST ROM-COM OF ALL TIME in which Ashton Kutcher delivers a “Casual” Period Mix to Natalie Portman, I’ve attempted to invoke both visual and gustatory imagery, in case touching + listening to dirty songs about blood doesn’t quite do it for you.
You can listen to the entire playlist on Spotify by clicking here or click on each individual song to listen:
Motivation by Kelly Rowland (ft. Lil Wayne) from the album Motivation. “Uh, girl I turn that thing into a rainforest / Rain on my head, call that brainstorming.” h/t Jessica Donalds for knowing how to get us in the mood.
Ladies, GOOD NEWS. A startup has just launched that will simplify your period for you. HelloFlo promises to send you what you need (aka, tampons, panty liners, pads, the works, depending on how heavy your flow is) when you need it (aka, five days in advance so you don’t get stuck at work with a frothy mess below and no recourse but to staunch it with flinty paper towels from the rest room, run out to the drug store, and return past your boss’s office with a see-through bag of generic super max lilac scented tampons because that was all there was on the shelf. Yes, this has happened to me.)
That said, it doesn’t sound like HelloFlo has solved the uniquely feminine and critical crises of PMS, cramps, achy muscles, sore breasts, chocolate cravings (or in my case, cravings for RED MEAT) or any of the other inconveniences of Aunt Flo’s monthly visit. However, being a pragmatic lady, I will submit that getting organized, supplied and prepared is a very good start to mastering the natural pain-in-the-ladybits that is our biology.
All of which has led me to reflect, in rather nauseating detail, on the most horrific menstruation moments I have experienced in my 2+ decades on this planet. Here’s the top 3, starting with:
1. THE FIRST TIME I GOT MY PERIOD. It was brown. Brown? Had I gone in my pants? How could I throw out my underwear without my mother seeing? What was I supposed to do about the fact it wasn’t stopping? Mind you, all of my friends had gotten their periods by this point – I was a late bloomer, having kept my totally andogynous, skinny, boyish, boobless frame for years after everyone else had developed hips and tits – so I knew all about getting your “first period” from other girls. But it had never occurred to me it would be brown. After a day of stress and worry, I realized what was going on with my body and I decided to get excited, despite the gross color.
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