Continuing last week’s trend of self-celebration and immaturity, let’s get downer and dirtier with ourselves this weekend, shall we? I, for one, like things to be exactly the way I want them. While this occasionally causes trouble during sex between TWO people, I never seem to have a problem when I’m flying solo. In fact, I know few greater pleasures in life than those I am capable of giving myself. ERGO: I made a masturbation playlist. So get into your bathtub, turn on the faucet, surround yo’self with bubbles n’ bath oils, and open your legs to the sweet sounds of self-love.
You can listen to the entire playlist on Spotify by clicking HERE or click on each individual song to listen:
In tribute to toys that often do better than men, Vibrate by Outkast from the album Speakerboxxx/The Love Below.
Young Brave Me by The Preatures from the album Shaking Hands. Let the self love begin.
My brilliant and babely girlfriend lives three-stacks away at the opposite end of the country. Bummer, I know. Fortunately, we get to see each other every six weeks or so. But even in those short interims the painful absence of real skin-on-skin boning starts to take its toll and certain carnal thirsts must be quenched— and I’m not talking about masturbation. I know how to masturbate, believe me, and I’m not going to tell you how to masturbate, because, duh, you already went through that awkward and amazing period of investigating that lush landscape yourself. Unless, somehow, you’re reading this and haven’t been thirteen yet.
Even after a fruitful day of internet pornography (er, I mean, working on my novel…), the intimate closeness of the person you love is still greatly desired, if not more-so. Of course, a quilt of closeness outside of this spectrum is already developed— with various social media outlets, texting, emailing, screen sharing, calling, et al., a non-sexual intimacy is maintained easily. But how does one recreate the silent gaps of a relationship while battling the tyranny of distance?
[Disclaimer: none of this involves sexting, nor whatever LovePalz are, and most of these methods don’t even involve touching one’s self. I can have ‘sex’ without touching myself. Jelly?]
It seems that lately everywhere I turn stories about 3-D printing and how it will soon be revolutionizing our world are flooding my news feed. Most recently I saw the first ever, 3-D printed dress made exclusively to conform to Dita Von Teese’s bodacious bod – complete with 13,000 Swarovski crystals as only Miss Dita would have. We are very likely looking at the beginning of a new technology that will be used in countless ways that we can’t even predict yet. These articles say it will make breakthroughs in not just fashion, but science and medicine and education, oh my! But before this technology goes to save the world let’s talk about the real reason any of us are interested in 3-D printing. Dildos. Yep. Print-a-Prick. This is our future, people, and it’s a hot one!
The post-dating world is full of questions. Who should pay? Do men like smart and powerful women? (and do we even care what they like?) What counts as “getting old?” Is pole dancing good for your sexual and spiritual life? These questions – and more! – answered in this week’s WTF-worthy links…
Hoodlums across Brooklyn must have gotten wind that Last Week Was Porn Week at WTF?! and wanted to spur some added thought on my part, because this morning on the subway my iPad was stolen from me and is gone forever.
I’d previously pointed out on our site that the iPad (among many amazing attributes) is by far the best way to watch Internet porn in bed. And so, in the sudden absence of “My Precious” – yes that was my iPad’s registered name and yes, Police Transit District 30 (what up guys!) laughed about it – in any case, with my porn routine irreparably disrupted, I’ve been compelled to reflect on why I watch porn, wtf is up with porn vs. real sex, and whether I should text a real-flesh-and-blood male OR book it straight to the nearest Apple Store if I happen to feel in the mood tonight.
Thank you, perpetrator of Grand Larceny! I see my relationship with porn in a whole new, fascinating (more co-dependent?) light.
There’s so much to say. Inspired by the honesty of the two dudes who wrote on our Guest Blog last week about Why Men Watch Porn and How Porn Affects Men’s Experience of Sex with Real Women, I’m going to say it all.
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