Remember in Sex and the City (the show, obviously, because they never made movies out of the show, ever) when Carrie finds “Big” (her ex’s) wedding announcement in The Times? Or rather, her friend Charlotte finds it and tries to hide it from her, but Carrie grabs it and she reads it out loud and her heart breaks in a million pieces? Here’s the scene, just in case:
Recently, New York Magazine ran an article about different countries around the world “incentivizing” their residents to have more babies. For example, Russia’s Ulyanovsk region declared September 12th the Day of Conception – people are given a day off work for the purpose of conceiving. If a baby is produced, the couple becomes eligible to win cash prizes, a car or a new refrigerator.
I’ve often thought that the thing that might convince me to have a baby is if I lived in a very large mansion, with the baby and the staff of nannies having their own separate quarters. That’s actually what might have made me get married too! From time to time, I’ve even fantasized about having a husband who had his own bedroom – since I like my own space.
The article reminded me that a few years ago, a guy I was dating brought up the subject of marriage. I tried to envision what it might be like to be married to him and I remember thinking, “At the very least, we would have to have separate bedrooms” (and maybe even on separate floors). I would really need to have my own space.
There’s a scene in The Wedding Singer when Drew Barrymore’s character, Julia, and Julia’s mom see a photo of Robbie Hart (Adam Sandler) and his fiancée outside of a wedding venue. After getting a good look at the couple, Julia’s mom says, “Look at that girl. You’re prettier than that girl and she’s getting married.”
Surprised by her comment, Julia asks, “What does pretty have to do with getting married?”
Her mom says that looks have everything to do with getting married, and while that’s not a universal truth, the idea of pretty people being luckier in love persists. Like the other day when I was getting a haircut and my hairdresser (a family friend) asked, “Is your brother seeing anyone? I’m sure he’s got a girlfriend, he’s such a cutie.” Yes, he does have a girlfriend, but I don’t know how much of that is due to him being considered a “cutie.” He’s also friendly and funny, but I suppose his looks do give him a pretty good trifecta to work with.
Don’t we all know someone who seems to be able to date pretty much anybody he or she wants to because they are just that attractive? We’re talking about the kind of person who simply has to smile the right way at whomever they want, and at the very least they’re guaranteed to have a conversation. Half of the dating-game battle is already won for these people because they possess a general attractiveness.
“Go for it!” he said. “Flirting is fun. It feels great.”
We were talking about how I have felt vaguely awkward around other men since being in a committed relationship (um, years now). My problems, as described to said husband, were as follows:
I didn’t want to lead anyone on. I’m no femme fatale, but I’d learned to be a pretty effective flirt after some trial and error. (For me, this generally meant making a well-placed Star Wars reference. Know your audience!)
It all started during our anniversary dinner. Brad and I were drinking the most delicious Tempranillo out of those luxurious long-stemmed, goblet wine glasses and staring dovey-eyed at each other when Brad started, “Can I tell you something?” He said.
“Sure…” I said, expecting him, honestly, to tell me all sheepish and boy-like, about how Assassin’s Creed 3 really stokes his creative juices. He’s a screenwriter…and a nerd, and statements like this are what most often follow the precursor “Can I tell you something…”
“I’ve been thinking about marrying you,” he said.
I am open mouthed.
“And since I’m not very good at shopping, I was thinking maybe you could help me….”
“…help you buy a ring?” I garble out.
“Yeah,” he said, blushing and looking down.
Adorable, adorable, wonderful man.
The other day I got asked by a group of women how to respond to people constantly asking them “Why are you not married” or the equally difficult to answer, “When are you going to get married?” As someone who married late and spent my fair share of time in between relationships…I can certainly relate to the question.
You would think, in an era where 50% of people are unmarried and plenty of us believe marriage is obsolete, that the question would also die off. More people are putting off marriage or choosing to not marry at all, but the pressure to pair is still there at both 40 and 20. Even in New York City, where it’s quite common to be single in your 30s and 40s, people still feel suitor skepticism and family expectation. Dates assume you must be crazy or neurotic if you are not hitched, parents put on the pressure and older relatives quietly question… “Is he/she gay?”
One woman’s mother calls her after every date to ask…how did it go?
Meet Alex and Siobhan Rodgers, the first known couple to get married off of Chatroulette. Watch out eHarmony…or maybe not.
According to The Daily Mail, they immediately “clicked.” Wah-waa.
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