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I found myself in an interesting conversation about vaginas today.
Actually it wasn’t so much a conversation as it was a group of my PA brothers calling each other vaginas, giggling like schoolgirls and making lewd gestures with a cannoli. I’m the only sister in a PA family of ten on this particular job, and I think in that moment they forgot that I do, in fact, have a vagina.
On the flip side, it was in that moment that I was poignantly reminded that they all do, in fact, have penises. Penises intact, they were acting like Neanderthals. So just like the great Jane Goodall did before me, I took this opportunity to study their behavior.
In that 30-minute lunch break I learned that it was, alas, not a good thing to be a vagina and if your PA brother offers you a tampon–boy, did he get you. Every true dude in the vicinity will be [heartily] laughing at that one. But through careful observation and analysis, I discovered that this web of insults surrounding the female anatomy has far less to do with the actual vagina as it does the absence of the penis. The main message:
Have you noticed that men are always imploring one another to be Men? If you’re a Man you’re strong. If you’re a Man, you’re a provider. If you’re a Man, you don’t even need to take your pants off to pee. A prideful species indeed, men find it a great honor to be Men; and that pride has given them a vast amount of power in this world.
So, to my fellow vaginas out there, my message is as follows:
Sarah and Sara weren’t in a fight. They were best friends and had ruthlessly stuck by each other since middle school, when there had been three other Sarah’s and two other Sara’s in their grade. So they would never fight now, let alone “over a guy.” They were not in a fight over Mark.
But they could disagree about who had the right to email Mark first after he and Bev broke up.
As it turned out, they had both emailed him that morning, shortly after learning about the breakup via mass text from Aaron, who always knew the gossip. Aaron had suggested that the friend group rally to support Mark, because Bev had, in fact, been sleeping with her good-looking Russian co-worker, whom she had nicknamed Sergei the Great while swearing he was gay. Mark’s ongoing jealousy of Sergei had seemed so mean-spirited that everyone had interpreted it as insecure paranoia. They had all, over the course of many months and in group emails as well as one-on-one, persuaded Mark to “tone it down” and “trust Bev.”
Now they all felt guilty and complicit in her deceit. As if the glint in her eye every time she said “Sergei the Great” hadn’t been a dead giveaway.
For a first date, the evening was moving along beautifully. Real casual: a slice of pizza and a movie. I had decided to wear my leather jacket over a light winter sweater, with a pair of chunky, librarianesque boot heels–because what’s sexier than a librarian from the wrong side of the tracks, ya feel me?
The dialogue was fantastic; we reminisced about growing up in the 90s, expressed our great obsession admiration for Jay-Z and Beyonce respectively, and all around just seemed to make each other laugh. Eventually we were discussing our professional aspirations, as you do on a first date, and he said one of the sexiest things I have heard in a great while:
I think my honest to god dream job is to find a sugah mama and be a stay at home dad.
I can’t tell you why this turned me on the way that it did, but the thought of this baby-faced 29 year old as Mister Mom with a burp cloth on his shoulder and a frying pan in his hand brought a smirk to my red-painted lips. He winked at me confidently and excused himself to the restroom. My left eyebrow arched inquisitively. He was playing to my career woman ego, and it was working.
Shopping, chocolate, gossip, self-deprecation. These are all major components to my life. So much so, in fact, that my boyfriend has taken to calling me a Cathy Comic. And, I don’t disagree. That bitch had it going on; SHE HAD HER OWN COMIC STRIP.
But apparently, I’m not just a Cathy. I’m also a Daria, whom I received as the result of my “Which 90’s Babe is Your Style Icon” Buzzfeed quiz. And, again, I don’t disagree. I’m totally a Daria. I even have a Jane, who coincidently ended up with Angela Chase as her 90’s babe.
But, I have to ask, is it possible to be both a Cathy and a Daria? They couldn’t be more different.
I think the answer is a resounding: YEEEEEEES!
Hey ladies, yeah, I’m talking to you. So listen up… we all know how to hide. We all know how to throw our hair back in a messy bun or a ponytail, throw on an oversized sweatshirt and baggy sweat pants and hope that the world doesn’t notice us. We all know how to be quiet and blend in, solely to get stuff done. But what many of us women don’t know is how to do the opposite: we don’t know how to shine.
You know those girls. Perhaps you knew her in high school, or college, or she works with you. You might even be her… The girl who lights up a room when she enters it. A girl who, no matter what she’s wearing or what she does to hide or blend in, never really does. Her presence is always felt and her aura is luminous. Why? Because she exudes confidence.
I thought for a really long time about what confidence is and where it comes from. The dictionary defines confidence, specifically self-confidence, as the “belief in oneself and one’s powers or abilities.” I think this definition says a lot. Confidence is not just the belief in your physical appearance or belief in your mental capabilities. It is the trust you have in yourself because you know where you excel.
I consider myself an honest person. Open to all perspectives and frames of mind. Rarely am I shocked, offended, or bothered by the opinions of others. Opinions help you to gain knowledge and perspective and insight into things and people and that’s a good thing.
I received an opinion this weekend from a man that was quite different from what I’m used to hearing. He told me “Darling, I love who you are; I love everything you stand for and I wish you the best, but I think you just might be one size too big for me.”
I started officially calling myself a feminist in college.
From my liberal arts point of view, The University of Michigan was a fantastic place to be a young woman. I was exposed to an excellent education on the history of feminism as a civil rights movement, what it meant, and what it means to be a woman in this country then, and now. It was exciting to discover that I was a feminist that way.
That being said, I was always sure to say, “I’m a feminist. But, don’t worry, I don’t, like, burn my bras and stuff. I’m, like, normal.”
Looking back, I’m sure both disrespecting my foremothers, and saying like in the same sentence would have gotten me booted from club We-Can-Do-It. But, honestly, I wasn’t entirely sure who I was and, really, just sort of talked too much because I didn’t know much. I knew that I was proud to be a woman, and that suffragettes were the coolest, and that maybe people would think I burned my Target bra if I called myself a feminist. I was in my early 20s, so I was still pretty stupid. In my older, wiser nowadays (representin’ the mid-late 20s, y’all), I leave that part out.
Simply put: I’m a feminist.
He said to call him when I was close so I did. I drove around the block three times before finding the entrance to the hotel which was hidden behind tall bushes to separate itself from the boulevard.
“Great. I’ll meet you in the lobby,” he said, excitedly. Part of me was excited and part of me was exhausted. I felt as though I was going to work, except I worked somewhere fun and cool and beautiful. But hey, work is work… otherwise they would call it something else.
He did indeed meet me in the lobby holding two glasses of champagne and smiling from ear to ear. He looked handsome. Black suit. Red tie. He’s tall too, and commented on how much he loved how tall I stood in my favorite red stilettos.
As a typical 20-something female stumbling awkwardly into adult womanhood, I am very much coming to terms with my sexuality. And I will say it’s exciting. I’m becoming more secure in the person that I am, carrying myself differently–more deliberately–and slowly discovering this, sort of, neon-pink feminine spark from within. Oh, and believe me when I say that spark is a very powerful thing. I notice it in other women, as well. I notice it in the way a woman walks, or the way she wears a black bra underneath a sheer blouse, or in her smile. It’s so powerful it’s almost tantalizing. There’s nothing sexier than a woman.
The girls of Lady Time discuss bad boys over yard chards!
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