Dating & Hookup website is being overhauled. We will be back at you soon with more great, provocative content and brand new multimedia developments. We’re excited. Please stay tuned!
In case you had any doubt that dating is dead, we held a funeral for it – and buried forever the harmful and irrelevant notions about romance, women and relationships that have plagued us for so long. RIP!
As Victoria from The Village Voice writes, we “have no problem bidding goodbye to bullshit rules of courtship.” Nope. Not at all.
(VILLAGE VOICE: dah GIRLS Jessica Donalds & REBECCA WIEGAND HOLD FUNERAL FOR DATING)
Every lady knows and loves and yearns for this guy. The One Who Got Away.
By definition, he’s not in my dah, but he’s been in my life for practically all of my 27 years.
We met – as it were – as toddlers in the mountains, where our families vacationed at the same rustic resort. There’s a photograph of five-year-old, platinum blond, chubby-faced me staring at him across a wildflower field. He had long, curly, silken dark hair and in the picture, he’s wearing a red t-shirt and looking back at me cooly, like a miniature rebel without a cause.
If you go up to the resort even now, there’s a piece of driftwood where we both wrote our names in magic marker, probably that same year. He’s a year older than I am, so his name is spelled correctly and mine has a backwards B and Y.
It wasn’t until much later that I consciously knew I was in love with him. I was 12-years-old, with knobby knees and ears that stuck out, but I was still a sun-kissed, freckled blonde and had happily evaded the awkward ‘awkward phase’ that had stricken most of my friends during this time. At home in the suburbs, I was making out against lockers and in his bunk-bed with Rob The Hockey Player, though refusing every day to ‘be his girlfriend.’ I had that compulsive desire for male attention (even adolescent, slightly be-pimpled male attention), but I knew I was saving up my “official” love life for someone truly epic.
That’s when I re-encountered him, The One Who Got Away, on vacation with my family in the mountains.
Do you need help finding a man? Joe Bonomo would like to offer his dating advice with his 64 page book titled How To Find Your Man from 1954. Want to find and keep “Your Man”? Follow these tips!
1. Start by filling out a handy chart of “yes” or “no” questions.
Here are the questions (and Joe asks that you fill them out twice. First before reading the book, and then after.)
1. Sure you want to find him? (Sure.)
2. Are you ready for him? (Oh yeah.)
3. Are you mentally relaxed? (Hahahahahaha.)
4. Are you honest with yourself? (Sure.)
5. Can you be honest with him? (Oh yeah.)
6. Are you feminine in appearance? (…what?)
7. Do you look happy? (Well not when I’m having panic attacks, which is fairly often.)
8. Can you share? (Yeah unless it’s my stuff.)
9. Want a guy who’s not quite perfect? (Are you hitting on me, Joe?)
10. Are you prompt for dates? (I try my best, I swear!)
11. Is your outfit complimentary to him? (Yes, I spied on him before our date and matched my outfit accordingly, down to the tie.)
12. Do you want him tailored to fit your idea of Mr. Right? (Who is Mr. Right, really?)
So how did you do, ladies?
For the first time in my life, I will be living with a boyfriend. I’ve lived with guys before (my brother, my ex-roommate’s brother), but never with my guy. I’m beyond excited, and also, a little anxious. The anxiety is mainly because this will be the 3rd time in 1 year that I’ve moved. And moving is an anxiety-riddled thing. There’s just so much to do!
So in order to make all this anxiety a little easier to deal with, I’ve broken down some thoughts about moving in with a boyfriend. Maybe they’ll resonate with you, too.
Yeah, we could have gotten more bang for our buck by moving into a less trendy area and gotten an apartment with more than one bathroom, but we didn’t. And now we’re just going to have to deal with that. I stay over at his place a few times a week, so by now, we’re pretty used to each other’s bathroom habits and how much counter space we need. I’m well aware that he uses more hair product than I do, and he’s well aware that I need 2 towels to dry off after I shower (one for my hair). We’ve adapted, and we’ll continue to adapt, lack of counter space be damned.
So before we catch up with Kupah mid-tantrum, I want to address the “Clint and JJ are Gay For Funsies” thing, because my intermittent rage throughout this episode makes for a very chaotic recap. Between dates, we are treated to choppily edited footage and barely-contained giggling interviews where Clint confesses his love for JJ and talks about how close they are. They play guitar together and stare into each other’s eyes, trying not to burst out laughing.
It’s so utterly and horrifyingly offensive that I am not entirely certain how to write about it without throwing my computer across a room. Here we are, in 2015, on the very day that Caitlyn Jenner is joyously greeted by the world, and “pretending to be gay” is cooked up by some of the parties associated with this show for ratings, screen time, and humor. Because pretending to be gay is hilarious, apparently. SHAME.
Can I confess something? I freakin’ love astrology. I’ve always been intrigued by it, and I do truly believe that there are certain traits that certain signs posses. Of course, everybody is different, but I will defend the opinion that all Scorpios are strong-willed or that all Sagittarius folk need their space. I say this as a Scorpio dating a Sagittarius. And luckily, my boyfriend feels the same way about astrology that I do.
But what if I were single? I’ve been down that road, and I’ve tried OkCupid and Tinder (among others), and I gotta say, it was kind of a bust. So based on my love of astrology and my love of dating apps/sites, I would definitely try Align.
What is Align? It’s an app that matches you up based on your astrological sign. Look, I realize some of you may be reading this and rolling your eyes, but hear me out.
When you’re little, you don’t know anything about fame, cults, men playing volleyball shirtless in jean shorts or really anything that can happen in Hollywood.
That’s why, when you see Top Gun for the first time, you think that’s what kissing is like. That iconic scene when Tom Cruise and Kelly McGillis’ characters finally act upon their bottled up passion.
As an adult, thinking about that scene, you giggle. They make love very passionately, in a soft blue moonlight. Open mouth kissing, with tongues gently caressing each other’s mouths and lips. All as “Take My Breath Away,” by Berlin plays in the background. However, since I just re-watched this scene – you know for research and fact checking – it’s still crazy hot.
Breakups are tough across the board, but it’s a different beast for the one who gets dumped. While the dumper tiptoed off the rug, methodically rolled it up and placed it in the hall closet, the dumpee simply had it tugged out from underneath them.
They’re hurled into a whirlwind of anger and shame and disbelief. They feel betrayed, yet still in love, which in turn makes them feel crazy. Their self-worth plummets, then rises on a good hair day, then plummets again when they see a sandwich that vaguely resembles the dumper’s face.
It’s very touch and go, and I feel for the dumpee. But I’m not talking to the dumpees; I’m talking to the dumpers. And dumpers, I’m here to tell you this:
Ten years ago, I was a senior in college just about to graduate. To celebrate, I went out with some of my best friends and my friend Jake, who had brought along his friend Mark.
We all spent the night dancing like crazy to hits of the 80ʼs, drinking and having a great time. Mark and I started dancing with each other and, as the night went on, he kissed me on the dance floor.
I was finally one half of a couple at middle school dances that makes out like crazy on the dance floor in front of everyone not giving a fuck – except please remember I was a senior in college, like of legal drinking age.
I had never met Mark before, but I knew that he and Jake had been friends for a long time. If he had Jake’s approval, then I knew he was a good guy. Also, he super cute, so, yes please.
Ok, so I did know one thing about Mark; I knew he had recently broken up with someone. That was fine with me, as I was leaving town soon anyway. I was going to use Mark. Not in a mean way. It’s just, come on, this was the perfect opportunity for me to get some real dates under my belt before I headed into the real world.
As the night wound down, Jake drove us home as Mark sat next to me in the back seat holding my hand.
Ever since that moment in “My So Called Life,” when Jordan takes Angela by the hand in the hallway, in front of all of his friends, declaring their relationship; holding someone’s hand is all I’ve ever wanted.
As we got to the bottom of my street, I told Jake that it was OK for him to drop me off there. I kissed Mark on the cheek, got out of the car, and began to walk up the steep hill to my apartment. It was almost 4:00am, the moon was setting, and the sun was just starting to rise. The street and sidewalks were wet from the rain earlier in the night. The streetlights, still on, were making things very romantic.
It was like a fucking movie, yʼall.
I’ve decided to get a little Emily Post up in here considering there is no current Emily Post and she made it all up anyway. My first order of gauntlet throwing: the social media + break-up connection: what do you with all those photos after the relationship is no more?
I think we need to handle this on a case-by-case basis, which I’ve outlined below. Obviously the real answer is do as you please, but if you can’t figure out what you please, here are some thoughts.
In the last couple years I have actively been trying to pursue storytelling. It’s a great medium for writers who like to perform, but aren’t necessarily actors, which is something my mother might contest to having had to raise a very dramatic child.
Storytelling is scary! You have to get up in front of strangers and tell/remember all the words to a very personal and true story.
It’s even more nerve-wracking when you try to do The Moth, a monthly live storytelling event in multiple cities that’s also an NPR radio show. It’s so anxiety inducing because you basically have to come fully prepared to tell a five minute story on the selected topic, but you might not get to go. The 10 Moth storytellers are chosen from a bag, where you have to put your name in for a chance at the spotlight.
The first time I tried to get up, I did, because you know beginners luck. I have gone several times, since seeking that high I achieved the first time. In fact, I came ready to spill my guts three times with no dice. Even though I left feeling disappointed, I also felt a little relieved. Hey, I tried, ya know?
This past Tuesday, I tried for the fourth time in a row, and finally got up for my second time, six months after the first.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
Follow Dating & Hookup on Instagram
Follow Jess on Instagram
Follow Becky on Instagram
Follow me on Twitter