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Why do people date cheaters? Because they’re just so good at convincing you to date them. Let Mike explain.
God bless and damn the networking-non-date. The best and worst one I have ever been on started pure and innocently. They always do.
Tim was a colleague of mine who worked from home. We had friendly e-correspondence and I knew his address, because I processed his paycheck every other week. When I moved to his neighborhood, I emailed him to see if he wanted to get coffee or a drink.
I had no agenda! I swear! I didn’t even know what he looked like! I was really just in the market for friends, acquaintances, some work gossip and a few tips on neighborhood spots.
Tim and I met at a local bistro and one drink turned into several. An hour turned into two. Three? His hometown was a family vacation spot I knew well; we both had a passion for ancient history; we loved jazz; we had so much in common!
“Today, I went to eat with him. I wasn’t ready. But I couldn’t say no. I am still drastically and disgustingly in love with this guy.” – Kristy
That’s the story of Kristy. She was in a relationship for eight years. She got a message from her boyfriend that was meant for some other girl. She confronted him and he left without any explanation. When she wrote this, she was still not sure whether he cheated on her or not. But she did know that the breakup was driving her crazy and she couldn’t continue to live like this.
The truth is, Kristy was trying to get back together with her ex. Not because she thought that the relationship with her ex was great, but because she thought she loved him. There is nothing worse than being in love with someone and wishing every moment that you weren’t.
Things are a lot easier when you decide you want to let go of someone compared to when you are still trying to reconcile. But in most cases, it’s hard to let go of the idea of getting back together, especially if you have been together for as long as eight years.
Let’s not get into details about getting over a breakup. There has been plenty said about that. Instead, let’s just concentrate on eliminating the desire of getting back together. Because as long as there is hope or desire to get back together, you can never truly move on.
Bogey and Bacall, Hepburn and Tracy, Holden and (the other) Hepburn — all of Hollywood’s epic and classic romances — were based on cheating. All of those head-over-heels real life breathless love stories were only so passionate because of the crazy-heavy cheating involved.
And we love that.
No one loves being cheated on. No one loves cheating with. But we love the drama of cheating. We love picking a “team.” We love hearing about two people who just can’t be together. We love gossiping about “are they or aren’t they?” and then tearing them apart when they are.
Even the world’s beloved Audrey Hepburn was once “the other woman.” While filming Sabrina she and William Holden carried on and he even wanted to leave his wife for her, but he couldn’t have children and Audrey always wanted children. And now it’s an anecdote that we’ll always hear about William Holden and Audrey Hepburn and never about the poor wife in the middle.
Sometimes, when your characters are behaving rather badly and seeming less and less likeable by the moment, the best storytelling trick is to give them a crippling flaw. Like OCD.
What I used to love about Girls was the “Girls! They’re just like us!” message that seemed to seep through the show’s surface, even in the most unrelatable of settings – eg: a rabbit farm in upstate New York, or a Ted Bundy Brownstone – but I don’t feel that way lately. At least not with Hannah, who is so determined to prove she’s unlike anyone else that she’s on a semi-permanent “you wouldn’t understand” tirade against everyone around her. Even her therapist, who is hired to help. This week was a giant reminder to girls in their (our) 20s that every now and then, it’s okay to take deep breaths, relax, and stop trying to solve the ever-present predicament that is figuring out Who I Am. For like, two seconds.
How to cheat. Or: “It’s really possible that you’ve seen me at a club.”
Shoshanna can’t stop worrying about Jessa, “like, where is she? What is she wearing? Is it linen? What language is she speaking? Is she in a tropical climate or like, somewhere up high, oh my God is she warm enough?” While Marnie and Ray don’t seem as concerned re: Jessa’s whereabouts and sartorial choices, Shoshanna is very preoccupied with Who-Is-Doing-What-Where in this episode. This is probably because, like many girls who start to settle in with their boyfriends, leaving one’s love cave and entering the real world gives you mad FOMO, as soon as you realize people kept living their lives while you were nuzzling under those pink sheets.
So when Radhika, the richest Hindi Shosh knows, rollerblades up to invite Shosh to a college party, Shosh aggressively defends her need to attend: “I am a girl who has found love and disappeared.” This is, obvi, her worst nightmare. Ray patronizingly mocks her air quotes – “pantomime to express your emotions is a crutch we’ve talked about that” – but has no good or real reason to be so disagreeable with Shosh in this moment. When you’re 33 and sleeping in the glass house that is your 21 year-old girlfriend’s bed, you probably shouldn’t throw stones.
Some people, I have heard, have recurring dreams. My own subconscious is nowhere near as consistent as that, but what it does do is periodically offer up a new variation on some previously-explored, and generally terrible, recurring theme. The theme that’s resurfaced every couple of years throughout my adult life: Terrible Ruinous Decision with Appalling Consequences.
When I was younger, it was a little more abstract. I had a couple dreams that I had taken up smoking, and was addicted to cigarettes. Then there were one or two pregnancy dreams, from which I awakened in full heart-crushing panic until I remembered that my uterus was most definitely empty.
“Do you believe in the power of love, a love that lasts a lifetime like in the movies?”
“Definitely, yes. It sounds cheesy, but..Real relationships are not affected by whatever happens in life. Knowing that you’ll always keep something special no matter what happens is something that has made an impact in my life. That’s one of the biggest lessons I’ve received in life.”
quote & image via Seventeen Espanol
I walked in to my condo and found my ex-girlfriend naked on my couch with another guy.
He was sitting with his shirt over his eyes, and she was riding him. She and I had been broken up less than nine days; I’d moved out about 26 hours before.
I said, “Hello! You must be Sam?”
Sam was the natural assumption, because he was a guy who she had been FB-sexting the last week or so.
He said, “No, Ethan,” as they slowly peeled themselves apart and he began to get dressed.
Well hello everyone!
Like Victor Kiriakis, I’ve returned to wreak havoc on your love lives like no one else can. I’m here to explain to you the nuances of dating that you can’t put into words. I’m also here to sit you down and delicately tell you why you (and everyone else in your terrible generation) can’t keep a steady, long, fulfilling relationship.
More importantly, I’m here to explain to you the difference between girl-cheating, guy-cheating and just plain cheating-cheating!
Excited? You should be. Let’s get to it right away, you can thank me later.
Getting your live-in boyfriend to propose! Falling for your Unavailable Guy! Turning a play-non-date into something more! Our latest dah guy takes on your burning post-dating questions and gives you cute little nicknames to boot. Let’s get started.
To submit your questions for next week’s guy, email us at [email protected] with “Ask a dah Guy” in the subject line!
This Ask Men column devotes nearly 1000 words to “Staying Faithful in Sin City.”
No offense, but if you need to read an Ask Men article on how not to cheat on your partner when on vacation, then your problems are likely a little more complex. Also, that picture! If that’s how you see yourself homefry, then likely this one of those moments when reality and your vision of yourself don’t exactly synch.
According to the Ask Men first impressions poll, 50% thought this piece was funny, and 25% of readers were saddened. It appears I am not in the minority, thank goodness.
That said, 25% of readers report that it “made them think.”
Made them think?! Don’t strain yourself, caveman.
Image via elvissa
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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