Beyoncé and Jay-Z had a daughter named Blue Ivy Carter. If you didn’t know this, I’d like to hear more about this bomb shelter you live in. How’s your food supply? Is it comfortable? Do you have room for me?
Bey and Jay have spared no expense in raising their daughter. I wrote over here about how they went all-out for Blue Ivy’s 1st birthday, with an elaborate birthday party and the gift of an $80,000 diamond studded Barbie doll. This is one of those stories I hope isn’t true because of how insane it is, and yet, I also hope it’s true because of how insane it is. To reference Louis C.K.’s “of course…but maybe” bit, of course it’s their money and they can spend it how they please, but maybe you shouldn’t buy your one year-old an $80k toy.
A-list celebrities and their kids are probably the closest thing we have in America to royalty. The newer the baby, the greater the reign. The Jolie-Pitt kids aren’t our princes and princesses anymore. We are witnessing the rise of baby Blue. To say that she has a charmed life doesn’t begin to cover it. Oprah is her godmother. Before she turned a year old she’s experienced things many of us may never get to, like a private helicopter ride over New York City, a vacation in St. Bart’s, and VIP status at some of the biggest concerts in the world. None of which is unusual for a major celebrity’s kid until you stop and really think about how crazy it is. These people aren’t actually royalty. They’re entertainers. That’s great. I like to be entertained. But when I think about how much they get paid for doing this, it induces such heavy eye-rolling I get headaches. And then their kids get whatever sort of career they would like just handed to them, as if they were casually shopping for their futures on Amazon.com, adding whatever they wanted to their cart.
We could do worse than Beyoncé, though. At least we’re no longer obsessed with Victoria Beckham. Beyoncé offers a lot more. And now she’s apparently our new feminist icon. She was on the cover of Ms. magazine with the headline “fierce feminism.” That’s totally fine that she calls herself a feminist. I’m amused by the fact that we have to make the idea more appealing by calling it “fierce”. If Mrs. Carter wants to be a feminist, I’m behind her. Interesting though that she told British Vogue, “I guess I’m a feminist” — why is this something you’re unsure of? I guess she figured it out before she agreed to the Ms. cover.
I hope Mr. and Mrs. Carter use their powers for good and don’t Will Smith their daughter up.
Photo from Zimbio.
Warning: this is likely more than you’ve ever wanted to read about Amanda Bynes in your entire life.
Amanda Bynes has people talking, tweeting, and blogging, and not for her work. No. It’s for her erratic behavior. In case you’ve been living under a rock — and it must be an awesome, soundproof, really comfortable rock — Bynes started acting strange in the summer of 2012. This is when her good, wholesome, goofy, funny and sweet girl persona took a Lohan turn: a hit and run, photographs of her smoking pot in her car, and driving on a suspended license (a settlement for the hit and run was reached, and charges were dropped).
Adore Kanye West; I always have. I love his music, think he’s incredibly smart, and the scope of his ambition is inspiring to me. I’m completely un-ironic when I call him a genius, which is something I do on the reg. I found this totally beautiful. And this melted my heart. Weirdly, all of his ridiculous antics and outbursts read, to me, as vulnerability, which makes me love him even more. (For the record, he was right. That Taylor Swift video was terrible.) I know; I’m crazy. I could expand upon my long history of pining for unlike able ego-maniacs (e.g. Kobe Bryant, Justin Bobby, ahem… Scott Disick) but that’s a story for another day. The heart wants what it wants.
Speaking of inexplicable and passionate stances of the heart, I hate Kim Kardashian. Or rather, I have a very complicated relationship with Kim Kardashian. That is, I outwardly loathe her, but also give the woman a LOT of attention. I watch her show, but tell people it’s only because of Mason and his amazing hair. I regularly check her Instagram, but don’t actually follow her. Because actually following her would signal to the world that I was a fan of hers, or something, and I’m too cool/smart/proud to admit that.
I would love to go on a date. You don’t think that? I’m a woman…Seriously, all I want is a guy to take me out and make me laugh for a good hour and take my ass back home…
No one asks. Trust me on that. I’m waiting for the man who’s ballsy enough to deal with me. I’m going to wait, though. You always find the wrong shit when you go looking.”
Why do you think men aren’t asking women out on traditional dates anymore? Even ridiculously hot, confident, successful women like Rihanna?
Quote & image via Vogue
Confusion has been in the air as the rule had most recently been seen with Hyong Son-Wol, the front lady of the Ponchobo Electric Band and brains behind the hit single “Excellent Horse-Like Lady.” (I’m going to assume whoever translated that so literally lacks a certain grasp of nuance.)
It has been speculated that Ri Sol Ju and Kim Jon Un had been involved in the past but were only able to marry now because Kim Jong Il had disapproved of their relationship.
…that I was staying in a fancy hotel and Kim Kardashian was in the room next to me. We had a long conversation at the doorway of her hotel room about Dating & Hookup, and I gave her a copy. She was petite compared to me (I’m 5’8.).
Also, later, I was walking behind her on the stairs at one point and the backs of her thighs were full of cellulite. This made me feel both happy and vindicated and then ashamed of my happiness and vindication.
I don’t know what to make of this, but I blame the fame engine.
I know right where this house is in LA, and it’s actually more amazing than these pictures if you can believe that. It was listed for a cool 10.8 million.
Since the late 1960′s the incredible soprano of Nashville’s “Iron Butterfly” has been a staple of American country music. Alternately praised, imitated and condemned, her curvaceous, painted silicon persona is equally a fixture of the media. Dolly Parton is warm, amazing, lovely, flagrant, epic, strange.
And I love her, and not just because I grew up in Lake Wylie, South Carolina. She comforts me. I basically spent the last decade walking around in New York in the freezing cold listening to The Grass Is Blue. There is strength in her musical narrative, and there is struggle and commiseration, too. Dolly Parton feels like a mother tucking you into bed.
And yet, I have another memory of Dolly Parton from my southern childhood, which is that I used to get her confused with Tammy Faye Baker, the grossly made-up wife of the ignominious televangelist Jim Baker, who built Heritage USA less than ten miles from the house I grew up in.
In Charlotte, there was a t-shirt meme that caught on around 1984. It looked like… (Ohmigod I love the internet. Words wouldn’t do this justice.) …this:
Now, I don’t know how up you are on the rise of the religious right during the Reagan administration, but Jim and Tammy Faye Baker were way in the thick of it. And while they were at it, they also managed to steal millions of dollars from a lot of people. Jim Baker went to jail for it. Hence, why people living in and around Charlotte, NC “ran into” them at the mall a lot. They had some spare cash.
In retrospect, it’s notable that the jokes being lobbed at Tammy Faye Baker were similar to the criticisms of Dolly Parton. Both women were mocked for their appearances, even though Dolly Parton is clearly an artist playing with a larger-than-life identity, whereas Tammy Faye Baker was, well, a sham artist.
People could be really mean, I remember. You know those childhood moments where kids talk about boobs and sex or whatever stupidly, because they’re like eleven, but still manage to pick up on the themes of misogyny they’ve learned from adults? One girl I knew who hit puberty early was called a “Dolly Parton” and “slut” interchangeably. Awesome.
Now, I first started this piece, because I read that Dolly Parton and her long-time husband Carl Dean were in an open marriage. Of course, that fascinated me.
Some information: Dolly met Carl Dean on her first day in Nashville at the Wishy Washy Laundromat. He drove by her once in his white Chevy pickup, and then again for a second look. The couple is famously private, and Dolly Parton is quoted as saying he’s seen her on stage only “a time or two.” They have been married for 45 years.
“Wow,” I thought, “no one has ever told Dolly Parton what to do or how to do it.” And it’s true. Her music is like infusing Patsy Cline with a little bit of Riot Gurl. Nine to Five is basically a feminist movie. And, she is one of the top stars in country music, yet she advocates for gay rights.
It would make sense then, that she would also define the terms of her romantic interactions. Add that to the reasons that I love her.
I needed to know more.
But, then came the yuck. I sat down to do research on this supposed “open” marriage. And what did I discover?
As far as I can tell, libel. Or, at least a lot of statements that could be interpreted a lot of ways such as; “I don’t want to know it, if he’s cheating on me. If I’m cheating on him, he wouldn’t want to know it.”
And, “If we cheat we don’t know it, so if we do cheat, it’s very good for both us.”
These quotes would then be partnered with quotes about how she designed her aesthetic after a “hooker.” No mention of whether or not the statements were made in the context of each other. Sigh.
This 2007 article in The Daily Mail was particularly nasty. Note, she was in Rotherham for a charity mission when this article was written.
One choice line: “Goodness knows what she might have worn had she not been launching a children’s book programme.”
In 2010, Dolly refuted accusations of her open marriage on Oprah. Her statements were taken out of context, she said. “That just means we let each other be who we are and how we are. But I’d kill him if I knew he was with somebody.”
She adds, “I’ve never had to worry that he loves me because I’m a star and I’ve got money or make money or whatever. I know he loves me for me, and that means a lot to me.”
Dolly Parton and Carl Dean have been together 45 years, raised five children and survived the pressure of worldwide celebrity. Open or not, it appears their marriage is happy. In addition, Dolly Parton has also sustained forty years in the music industry through a blend of talent, business acumen and flair for celebrity. That’s one successful, modern, lady. And instead of inference based on physical stereotypes, I want to focus on that.
There are all these pictures here, and yes, she totally looks pregnant, sigh.
Celebrity gossip is like a train wreck I can’t look away from. People are pregnant all the time. I don’t get the appeal. And yet, I click.
Do you feel implicit pressure because of the focus on celebrity relationships?
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