Where the hell are you? Disney told me very explicitly that someday you would come, but I’m almost thirty now and you have yet to show up. Did you not hear about my qualifications? My thriving career and my closet full of designer clothes? I was pretty sure this information was transferred through the ether by fairy dust and then projected on your adorably messy bachelor-pad wall in the form of a magical, but persuasive, power-point presentation. Why have you not popped up at one of the game nights thrown by my girlfriends, charmed them all (it’s your name), but wanted exclusively to marry me?
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