“Seddit” the “Seduction” subsection of the massive Internet message board-esque site known as Reddit, is a treasure trove of pickup techniques for men and as such, a brilliant way for women to gain insight on men. But it has its gross moments.

Let me say right now, before I go further, that in terms of dating techniques, I think Seddit can be a useful community for both men AND women. I’ll explain why later into this article. But first, the negative. And there’s a lot of negative.

Seddit is all about using pick-up tricks like that douche pickup artist with the gross facial hair. They have terms for EVERYTHING. Some examples: they refer to women as HBs and in a scale of 1 -10. For example, an HB7 = Hot Babe that’s a 7 in their scale. More about this scale:

The HB “scale” doesn’t just refer to how beautiful a woman is- it also refers to how highly she’s valued by other people, as well as how highly she values herself. An HB10 is generally a model or actress- you may never get an opportunity to interact with an HB10, simply because of how high-valued and off-limits they tend to be. Comparatively, an HB1 is typically a girl who’s ugly, and/or has an ugly personality, and/or isn’t valued highly by other people, and/or doesn’t value herself highly. An HB7 is typically your “average” girl (because guys usually don’t want to admit to going after anyone lower than a 7).

There’s also other terms like the “F-Close” (when the date/interaction ends with sex) and the “K-Close” (when the date/interaction ends with a kiss) and “Kino” (touching). There’s the vaguely alarming “LMR.”

LMR- Last-Minute Resistance. This is when the girl puts up some sort of defense before sex, usually when you’re both naked or nearly naked. The girl might actually be uncomfortable or not want to have sex for whatever reason, or she might be giving token resistance. It’s your job to make a value judgment and decide how you should handle it, based on what she says, or her body language, or the general vibe, or whatever signs you can interpret.

My favorite posts to read in this community are FRs (“Field Reports”) in which men detail, right down to the dialogue, dates/”hookups”/women they meet randomly at clubs and etc. This whole community is a mind blowing look into how men really think about women and dating, and these Field Reports are a huge part of that. If anything because they prove that men analyze just as much as women do. (Especially texting! A lot of posts are about how to text women and how to interpret their texts.)

There are genuinely good guys on Seddit. Some of them want to find real relationships. Some of them don’t. The ones who don’t are usually upfront with the girl about it, and for that I’m thankful. You will find some very, very creepy dudes on there. One of their most popular posts is a FR from a guy who thought he was politely and charmingly hitting on a girl in public — only to have her call the cops on him for stalking her. Here’s an excerpt:

So I’m chilling in Chipotle last night, as I do, eating my burrito bowl. A cute HB7-8 walks in for a burrito. I’ll guess she is 20. I’m not out gaming yet, but I figure this will be a good warmup. I finish my burrito and toss the bowl. By this time she’s on her way out. To-go burritos are the devil.

I walk out the door right behind her, tap her on the shoulder.

“Excuse me…”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Ha no, I just had to come talk to you before you left. I’m 8s9s10s.”

“Oh. Hi, I’m Kate.”

“Where are you headed in such a hurry, Kate?”

“I’m actually headed over to Starbucks”

“Oh, hey, me too, I need some green tea. [this is actually true] I’ll walk with you.”

So we walk down, I ask her where she lives, what she’s doing after her frappucino (a party), etc. She is returning questions. She is pretty shy, but that’s to be expected, I’m a casnova, and she doesn’t look like the type who is used to talking to boys.

We get to Starbucks, we order, and I tell the guy we’re separate (because bump dat, I ain’t paying for her $5 coffee). She says she need to get to this party, so I go to hand her my phone, when I realize I left it at Chipotle. So I have her put my number in hers and scramble back over there. I am back in two minutes to show her I found it.

Here’s where shit gets real. The guy behind the counter says she said I grabbed her out of Chipotle and dragged her over here. I’m making her uncomfortable and I need to leave. I do not believe this because I am a super friendly guy, so I start bantering back with the guy, who I recognize and have bantered with before, in a friendly way. His next move is “you need to leave or we are calling the police.” He picks up the phone and dials. She asked them to call the cops.

“Whoa, guys, what? Ok, look, Jesus, I am leaving.”

I go out and finish my tea outside. A cop pulls up. I ask if Starbucks called him. Turns out yes, he’s there for me. I explain what happened and he’s clearly on my side, but asks for my name, address, etc. Two more cops show up.

The rest is here. The worst part is that this guy has no idea what he did wrong and blames the girl. How do men not realize that approaching a woman when she is alone, then following her when she tries to leave, and then topping it off by taking her phone and putting your number in it, is totally inappropriate and borderline scary? I can’t blame all of Seddit for this, because there are guys who follow Seddit’s advice and don’t do this. But this is a great example of when the wrong guy reads Seddit’s techniques and comes off as an aggressive stalker. Is he? I don’t know. I don’t know him. Maybe he’s just misguided. But his actions weren’t okay. And maybe we shouldn’t surprised these things happen when their “glossary of terms” contains things like, aside from what I already mentioned, this classic:

Neg- This is something you say that is the opposite of a compliment, but does not appear to be intended as an insult. It should typically only be used when the girl has a big ego. [Note: Most PUAs don’t use negs and don’t recommend their usage.] Example: “Nice nails, are they real?” [Note: PUA = Pick Up Artist.]

Now for the good things about Seddit. A big part of the community is about boosting guys’ confidence, that’s a good thing for everyone. Man or woman, if you’re reading tips on how to be confident — not on how to pickup anyone or how to trick anyone in to bed with you — but just how to raise your self-esteem, I don’t see how this is a bad thing. Plus, I know I’ve complained in situations past that men don’t approach women anymore. (Then the problem is, when they do approach, they can be really weird and gross about it.) If Seddit can advise people on how to approach women with respect and confidence — not cockiness — that helps everyone.

They also posted a short film, encouraging men to say hi to women because you never know what could happen; you could meet the love of your life. The film was so sweet that made me cry. Watch it here. It’s called “Maybe.”

So it can be difficult sometimes to pinpoint what Seddit is and if it’s helpful or harmful. Because while I like the general tips on how to talk to people on dates and how to be confident, those terms really bother me because they reduce women to a number and a series of instructions on how to fuck them. And so you get posts like, “Women Have Changed Considerably in the last 10-20 years. An Older Player’s Perspective…” where an older man complains, “I miss the 90′s. It was so much easier doing hit and runs back then….”

That could be a post in and of itself.