Relationships
I’ll never forget the day I discovered that the last scene in Sleepless in Seattle was filmed on a sound stage. Remember that scene? It’s iconic. After months of admiring from afar, Meg Ryan is finally united with Tom Hanks– the widow with a heart of gold– and his precocious son at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine’s Day. Watching that scene is basically the best thing that can happen to your insides.
I’ll never forget that day because it’s the same day I visited the Empire State Building.
In the last couple years I have actively been trying to pursue storytelling. It’s a great medium for writers who like to perform, but aren’t necessarily actors, which is something my mother might contest to having had to raise a very dramatic child.
Storytelling is scary! You have to get up in front of strangers and tell/remember all the words to a very personal and true story.
It’s even more nerve-wracking when you try to do The Moth, a monthly live storytelling event in multiple cities that’s also an NPR radio show. It’s so anxiety inducing because you basically have to come fully prepared to tell a five minute story on the selected topic, but you might not get to go. The 10 Moth storytellers are chosen from a bag, where you have to put your name in for a chance at the spotlight.
The first time I tried to get up, I did, because you know beginners luck. I have gone several times, since seeking that high I achieved the first time. In fact, I came ready to spill my guts three times with no dice. Even though I left feeling disappointed, I also felt a little relieved. Hey, I tried, ya know?
This past Tuesday, I tried for the fourth time in a row, and finally got up for my second time, six months after the first.
Allen Chou was just 27 when he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. His girlfriend, Linda Sim, was 25. When his diagnosis got worse, they hoped for a miracle… and made a plan. This short documentary explores their journey.
#whatmattersmost
Sometimes it’s hard to know when to say “I love you” in a relationship. Worries about saying it too soon, not getting the desired response, who says it first, what the next step in the relationship is after that — all of these things might make a person want to wait for the exact right time to say how they feel. But, if you love really someone, would you ever wait EIGHT YEARS to tell them?
In this video from This American Life, one couple did just that — until Maia decided that the time was finally right.
As it is with most good things in life, there aren’t shortcuts to finding happy, long-lasting, relationship-type love. But this advice might help you along the way.
A new year is once again upon us. It’s 2015! And with a new year comes a lot of reflection. Some of you may be reflecting on your current relationships, or on possible future ones, perhaps wondering what’s in store. Maybe you’re wondering if your current relationship is the “right” one for you. I’ve written before about when it’s not right, but how do you know when it is right? I have some ideas.
You know it’s right if…
- You feel constant support from your partner. Even if your ideas are seemingly silly, they back them up with their support and love. Obviously, they’re not gonna let you do anything dangerous, but if your dream is something like, “I want to be a children’s book author” then their response isn’t to laugh at you, but to say, “Okay, babe, let’s make a plan!”
- You trust each other. That real trust, the kind that’s unwavering and pure. The kind of trust where you’re assured they can perform a simple errand or watch your cat for you while you’re away visiting parents.
“Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down To 2 Basic Traits,” is a headline on Business Insider (but really content from the Atlantic OF COURSE because they LOVE faux science relationship research) that grabbed me by the lady balls a couple weeks ago. Having impressively kept the tab open all this time, I am here today to take a closer look at it.
Apparently, the secret to happy relationship is two things: kindness and generosity. Oh, so…just don’t be a dick.
Women are capable of kicking some serious ass all on our own, and while a boyfriend (or girlfriend) certainly isn’t necessary, it can be awful nice to have one. They’re like the Robin to your Batman; the Mulder to your Scully. Boyfriends are supposed to add joy to your life, and if he’s doing that, you’ve got yourself a keeper. But is he the best boyfriend ever? Here are some ways to tell.
He helps you move.
And I mean really helps. He helps you pack and unpack and is there when the movers arrive and after. He offers support and lends an ear, because moving is really, really stressful. He’s there for you. I know what you might be thinking: if he’s the “best boyfriend ever,” wouldn’t you be moving in together? To which I say, not necessarily. Sometimes, couples just aren’t ready to live together, yet. When the time is right they will, and if the time isn’t right, they won’t. Doesn’t mean that both parties aren’t great at being good girlfriends/boyfriends. It just means that everyone moves at their own pace.
Sometimes, when a relationship is beginning, we see major red flags (like you saying “I love you” and your partner never saying it back.) But sometimes, there are smaller, little red flags that we don’t see until later. I was reading an advice column in The Cut in which a woman lamented that her boyfriend never had room for her in his life, both metaphorically and literally — the chairs in his apartment were always covered with clutter, so she could never sit down. There’s a little red flag.
It made me think about the own red flags I ignored in my previous relationships, both big and small. Here they are. Maybe they’ll resonate with you, too.
- Guys sweat a lot in their sleep.
- Everything is irritating if you’re in a bad mood.
- Everything is adorable if you’re in a good mood.
- Deciding on a movie always takes at least 15-20 minutes.
- One person is always cleaning up after the other.
- You have to stay at parties where you don’t know anyone and small talk.
- You feel compelled to share entrees.
- You no longer stop what you’re doing when your other half walks in on you popping zits.
- YOU POP EACH OTHER’S zits.
- Sometimes you accidentally pick up your partner’s toothbrush, but you don’t realize it until you are already brushing your teeth.
- Your partner is listening to the TV too loud 70% of the time.
- You always notice when your partner’s toe nails are too long because they cut you in bed.
- It’s rare to want to go to sleep at the same time.
- You always owe each other small sums of money.
- Peeing in front of each other phases no one.
- Getting behind the wheel feels like a driving test no matter who’s driving.
- Anything can turn into a fight if you’re feeling like fighting.
- The minute your partner is on their phone and you’re not, you complain that they are always on their phone.
- Both of you are keeping a secret tally of EVERYTHING.
- You get used to seeing hair all over the place.
- There is no sexy underwear.
- You get in the habit of eating the same meals.
- Trying new things becomes either too scary/exciting.
- Showering together is not sexy, it’s just a less efficient way to get something done. Even with two shower heads.
- Two bathrooms is necessary.
- The more comfortable you are in your relationship the more stubborn you become about being right.
- Sometimes you roll over and wonder how this stranger is now a tentpole of your life.
Falling in love goes a little like this:
Your head gets all loopy and your heart feels all goofy and you’re all-around nicer because the sun’s shining a little bit brighter and you get why babies are cute and MANDY? WHO THE FUCK IS MANDY? OH SOME GIRL YOU MADE OUT WITH ONCE IN COLLEGE BUT YOU’RE JUST FRIENDS NOW? THAT’S COOL. I’M FINE. WHY DO YOU KEEP ASKING IF I’M FINE? I’M OBVIOUSLY FINE. I HATE YOU. I HATE MANDY. LOVE ME? I’M FINE.
Romantic, right?! Everything’s all cheese platters and puppy parties and then out of no where that realization hits you like a dagger: there were others before me, and I care. It’s weirdly easier in the beginning. This guy likes you. You’re chill girl. You can’t be bothered – you suffocate that little creature in your chest called insecurity and swap dating stories like Pokémon cards. But at some point, the tide changes.