Friendships come and go — it’s a way of life. Sometimes, it’s because of some major event or offense; one of you deeply hurt the other person, and you can’t move past it. But sometimes, both of you just gradually drift apart. And in some ways, this friendship break up is even harder to cope with. Because it’s not like you did something bad and deserve a break up. You don’t know exactly what went wrong, because nothing really “went wrong.” So it’s not like you can apologize and move on. You just have to…move on.
So whether your break up with your friend was like this — vague and without warning lights — or was straight up (and straight up painful), I have some advice on how to cope with a friend breaks up with you.
Drink lots of wine.
Am I actually advising that you drink to cope with your problems? You bet your sweet bippy I am. Don’t drink forever. Don’t drink so much that you forget your own name. Don’t drink and Facebook (or Tweet, or call). But if you don’t have a drinking problem and are looking to knock back a glass of Olivia Pope style red wine without feeling guilty, I give you my permission.
Ladies, do you have a BFF? I don’t think I do. I think the person I’m closest to is, weirdly, my ex boyfriend. I don’t feel I have a female bestie, and it kind of worries me. Shouldn’t I have a BFF? It seems like everyone else does. What happened?
It’s important to keep your female friendships in check, because they can take as much work as any other relationship. I feel I let my female friendships slide. Don’t do this.
Here are some ways to keep your female friendships strong.
It’s easy to holla to your girl when she’s going through a bad breakup, but it’s important to check in on a regular Wednesday afternoon. Just send a text or email to let them know you’re thinking about them. I think I became so involved with my own stuff, I neglected my friends. I didn’t do this on purpose, but it happened. Now I make sure to let all my gal pals know that I’m thinking about them and rooting for them. Not in an obsessive stalker way, but in a kind, “Hey girl, hope you’re well” sort of way.
There are two kinds of people in this world: those who stay friends with their ex, and those who do not. One of these people is not better than the other; it’s all a matter of preference. I do believe though that those who stay friends with their exes are probably better off in the long run.
There are lots of reasons not to stay with an ex, like heartbreak. Which is why you should give it time. I am definitely not suggesting that the day after your breakup, y’all head out to Disneyland. Give it some time, and the consider a friendship. And why?
Break-ups suck, but there’s another kind of break-up people don’t talk about as often: breaking up with a friend.
Breaking up with a friend can sometimes be worse than breaking up with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, because no one predicts that friendships can, or will, end in a break up. But sometimes it’s necessary. I broke up with a friend once and years later we got back together, so sometimes all that person really needs is a wake up call.
So why break up with a friend? There are a few reasons.
I have a friend I knew in high school and college and we used to be somewhat close; now, I don’t have anything in common with her anymore and heard about her engagement on Facebook. It makes me a little sad, but I’m not angry about it — sometimes, these things happen. If you feel you’re just too different from your friend and have nothing in common anymore, it may be time to cut ties.
When you get a boyfriend (or girlfriend) as much as you tell yourself you’re not going to float off to that island of coupledom, you do. You can’t help it. You shouldn’t try to avoid it. It’s a really sweet, nice time. You’re learning new things about each other, you’re falling in love, you’re getting nice and fat eating at all those great new restaurants you’ve always been wanting to try.
But then one day you wake up and you’re Tom Hanks with a huge beard clinging to a volleyball. And that’s when you realize, it’s time to go back. And if you’ve got good friends, they’ll be there for you. And it’s time you dated them. Not in a romantic way. No. I’m talking about why you should wine and dine and “date” your friends and treat them like your boyfriend for the good of your friendship. You gotta “date” your friends. You gotta put some effort into it. Why?
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