I know we’ve all heard it a million times – long distance relationships just don’t work. But, how do you know if you don’t try?! It may not be the most ideal situation, but it can work. And, here are ten silver linings to living an hour, a road trip or a plane ride away from the one you love.
No two people are exactly alike so, whether you’re a neat freak or a hot mess, chances are your partner is used to doing things a different way. When there’s no one there to judge your ways, you can feel free to leave out your retainer, and those jeans you’ve worn 6 times without a wash, and that bra you’ve worn 20 times without a wash…Or, on the other hand, take time to organize those DVDs or couch cushions or spices…Either way, you can rest easy knowing it will stay the way you want it.
I know we’re all independent. But sometimes we can’t help but feel a guilty grabbing dinner with friends knowing our our loved one is back home eating a lonely dinner. Some people are better at balancing friend time/lover time than others so, for these people who fall victim to this, you can stop telling your BFF, “We totally need to get together soon,” and actually get together soon.
Of course if you live in warm weather, and are going to be hitting the beach, you’re going to have to shave just as a member of society. But if it’s winter time, and you know you’ll be covered up, let that hair grow! No-shave showers are the fastest. And, when you know you’re going to be seeing your loverboy, you might even be long enough for a good wax.
Dating & Hookup: How to Find Love in the Post-Dating World by Jessica Donalds
Aries - March 21 – April 19
The first two weeks of October you may start to doubt your love life, Aries, or doubt that it will ever be up to par for you. Insecurities from the past seem to keep creeping up and your typical very pragmatic self will be replaced by doubt. Hold tight, because not all that you feel will be true. You could be sleep-deprived, not feeling great health-wise, or over-worked, and your intuitive side is off on a vacation. Be careful with over-overanalyzing and nitpicking at every little thing.
Even though Mercury Retrograde creeps in at the end of October, it seems to be paying you favors. Your love life becomes clearer and your practical decisive self is returned. Deep breathes, Aries!
The end of October brings word of a job promotion or a new job opportunity and it is right up your alley too. Normally I advise against making any huge job changes during Mercury Retrograde, but this seems to slide right under Mercury Retrograde’s radar – so take it!
Leave the Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde costume for Halloween and be careful to not embrace the persona the first half of the month.
Lena Dunham sent her boyfriend a love letter via email that you can read as part of Miranda July’s latest art project, “We Think Alone.” She got 20 emails sent from 20 celebs. Stuff like Dunham’s love letter to Dunham emailing her assistant about potentially buying a couch.
I think we all love the idea of love letters, and of letters in general, but we don’t love having to write them or send them. Just getting them. To write them means to sit down and hold a freaking pen, like you’re Thomas Jefferson or some shit. And then you have to find that person’s address, and few people have peoples’ home addresses anymore. And you want it to be a surprise so you don’t want to ask them, and if you do you know they’ll say, “What for?”
So email it is! Here’s how to write a love letter email. And also how not to.
– Realize that whatever you send could easily be seen and read by an unintended person(s). Even if you completely trust your boyfriend/girlfriend, you never know who could be trying to look at their phone while they stepped away for a moment. So maybe save the “I’m so glad you dumped Sheila for me, she was such a horrible bitch” for an in-person talk. As with any email, you want to keep in mind that anything could be seen by anyone.
As much as we’d like for dating to be effortless, sometimes it feels like nothing but hours and hours of hard work: scheduling formal dates, making time for casual get-togethers, choosing outfits, coming up with witty banter, sending the perfect text, etc. But is it really necessary to be ‘on’ all the time? Wouldn’t a break be nice? If you need a brief vacation from checking your online dating profile, check out this article on dealing with dating burn-out from HowAboutWe.
“My ex girlfriend is coming into town for a few days. I didn’t know until yesterday, and she said that she has no one to stay with besides me.”
I looked at him. He wasn’t smiling. He didn’t flinch. He was serious. I’d been seeing Jack for about a month and he was going to let his ex girlfriend stay with him for the weekend.
“Jack, I think you should leave.” I was twenty years old and didn’t have the know-how to question him, so I decided to let him go.
A week passed before I heard from him again. I was actually surprised to hear from him at all. He told me that he and his ex had slept together (surprise, surprise) and that he felt horrible about it. He said he was thinking about me the entire time and, “just knew that it wasn’t right.” Like any 20 year old girl who is given the choice to either end things with a locally famous musician, or forgive him and hopefully move on, I took him back.
All was going smoothly until early one Saturday morning in 2005. Jack had spent the night at my place and we were happily cuddling, fully prepared to sleep in ridiculously late, when I heard a text message alert from my Motorola Razr phone. I peeled myself out of bed and walked over to the dresser. “Oh…my…god. Is this some kind of joke?”
Are you an independent, smart single woman who is dating and looking for love? If so, you’ve likely been challenged with how to respond when a man does something that ticks you off. What are realistic expectations? What should you tolerate? I get asked this question in many forms.
It can be confusing. On the one hand, you have a strong desire to be liked and finally find The One. On the other hand, you are a confident woman who doesn’t want to put up with nonsense or be a pushover.
Here is how that conflict can look in real life: The part of you that wants to be liked accepts all sorts of silliness and disrespect, while the other part of you judges quickly and bails out at the first sign of trouble.
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Consider the situation of my client, Christine. During her coaching session she complained that a man she connected with online has been calling her after 10 p.m. She thought that was rude. (So do I.) She wakes up at 5 a.m., and it was affecting her sleep. She asked me if I thought she should say something to him. She was hesitant because she didn’t want to scare him away.
So I asked her: How would you deal with a girlfriend who kept calling at that hour? Her instant response was, “I’d talk to her and let her know that it wasn’t okay!”
There you go. It seems so clear if it’s a girlfriend, right? So why wouldn’t you respond the same way with a man you’re dating? This is a reasonable boundary. It’s intrusive behavior that affects your quality of life–not to mention it screams booty call.
People might not remember their first real-person crush, but most people remember their first celebrity crush. For me, it was Jonathan Taylor Thomas. I was in love with JTT in second grade, ‘in love’ meaning I thought he was cute. What else does an eight-year-old base her opinion on at that age? It’s not like I could get to know him, and at eight, who even knows what it really means to like someone?
Anyway, JTT. My main dude. I begged my mom to buy me an issue of some random teen magazine with him on the cover. It was one of those Tiger Beat or BOP! or Teen Bop or Beep-Bop-Boop magazines that always has the latest big-name celebrity splashed across its cover, pulling in all the young fans with promises of revealing what pop bands do in their downtime or a young TV star’s favorite movie—you know, all the vital information. The star of the moment was JTT, and how could he not be? He was starring on the hit sitcom Home Improvement and was the voice of young Simba in The Lion King. The guy was going places.
Have you heard about “Sandwich Girlfriend” yet? It took me a while to even find her real name. She has a blog called 300 Sandwiches. Here’s the site’s mission:
My boyfriend E is obsessed with two things: Star Wars and sandwiches. During a Sunday lunchtime viewing of “Return of the Jedi” he told me: “you are 300 sandwiches away from an engagement ring!” … And so, I got cooking …
I honestly thought this blog was satire at first, but it turns out the sandwichmaker in question is one Stephanie Smith, a writer for Page Six. How could anyone not think this was satire? The intro on her blog begins with,
“Make me a sandwich.”
That’s what my boyfriend, E, asks without fail every morning. Not “babe, where are my keys?” Not, “honey, where are my socks?” And no, not even, “c’mon, just the tip?”
And then comes right out and says,
That was it—a proposal hinged on me making him sandwiches.
And she describes herself as,
I’m a Midwest girl living in New York, a writer and foodie who loves a good meal. I love chocolate, pork buns, and sushi more than I love a sale at Saks. I’m a woman who loves her man, but also never backs down from a challenge. If he wants three hundred sandwiches, then I’ll deliver.
(NONE of these are bad things. They just seem so very Onion-y. How is “Woman Makes 300 Sandwiches For Boyfriend To Get A Proposal” not the title of an Onion article? How is her description not the description of a character from an Onion article? “I’m a woman who loves her man”?)
But she’s very serious. Her blog contains recipes for every sandwich she makes. And she sees nothing wrong with making sandwiches for an engagement ring. Which, hopefully, both adults in the relationship realize is much more than a ring, but is in fact, a promise to marry. It’s a marriage. She’s trading sandwiches for marriage. I guess marriage has been based on lesser things in the past?
The thing is, I kind of don’t hate her.
Alicia can handle the rain. She can handle the weatherman getting it wrong. She will not give up because she got caught without an umbrella. She can deal with the smell of old urine in the subway tunnel, stale, renewed by the water other commuters drip in. In some perverse way, the smell takes her back to the farmhouse where she grew up. An old tomcat used to prowl around, and the rain always brought out his musk. This was like that, except the musk did not come from a vagrant cat but from vagrant people. But she can deal with that. She can deal with rush hour. She can deal with having to be the jerk who takes the empty seat. Nobody wants to look like a jerk so everyone stands around, looking at the seat and looking at each other. Their eyes invite you to sit down but they resent you for it if you do. But somebody needs to sit down, because the subway car is crowded, and the more seats that get filled the more standing room there will be. So Alicia can handle being the jerk. Alicia can handle sitting down.
Alicia can handle being damp. It does not damage her self-esteem to be the only one not dressed for the weather. In the future she will find a more reliable source of meteorological information. She does not mind feeling a little silly with runny mascara. In weather like this it does not seem likely that anyone will suspect her of crying. Last week she saw a younger girl crying on the subway, on a dry and balmy day. It occurred to Alicia then that crying on public transportation might be the worst kind of hell. It would amount to the final failure: the dam of composure breaking and everything on the inside pouring outside in a hot wet mess, with dozens of witnesses to the gory scene and no means of escape. You might as well be skinned alive. But on this day the other commuters will assume Alicia’s face is wet from rain. They will not suspect she is in any particular kind of hell.
She could handle their suspicions, anyway, if it was necessary, and it is not. There are lots of things Alicia knows that she can handle now. She can deal with locksmiths at three o’clock in the morning. She can deal with knowing that for every roach she sees in her kitchen, there are about three hundred she doesn’t. She can deal with the countless petty insults, like paper cuts, that she collects day in day out. Such as the man standing in front of her, grasping the ceiling strap. He has neglected to shake out his umbrella before collapsing it, and it is saturated. He is holding it under his arm like a prop sword that has impaled him. Its silver tip is suspended half a foot in the air above Alicia’s leg, and water is dripping off it. She can deal with this man’s lack of consideration. She can deal with the cold water trickling down her thigh. She can even deal with staying silent about it for the twenty minutes left on the ride.
What she cannot abide is the man with the microphone.
Dating & Hookup: How to Find Love in the Post-Dating World by Jessica Donalds
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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