We’ve all heard of using OkCupid, Match.com, or even Tinder to meet your next date. But what about Twitter, or Instagram? Or hell, even Facebook? Have you ever used social media to help you date? By which I do not mean tweeting “I’m single #whowantstodateme” — that’s just desperate and not cute.
I met a lad on Twitter. He was a musician. I was a fan of his. We met up, hit it off, had sex, and now we’re friends. Unlike writer Laura Olin, of Swimmingly, I did not meet the love of my life on Twitter. But that’s okay. I’m amazed I met a real live human on Twitter, and had sex with real-live human. And am still alive. These are big things.
I wasn’t intending to use Twitter to date. It just kind of happened. I think that’s the key when you’re using social media for sexier purposes; you can’t plan or design it, it just kind of has to happen. But there are some ways to guide the happening.
Shout-out to Governor Christie’s favorite, Bruce Springsteen.
The men are out of the frying pan and into the fire in this week’s hometown visits. Andi comments as we open, “Who wouldn’t be nervous to meet their future in-laws?” I don’t know, meeting four potential sets of those in-laws?
Happy Fourth of July from Dating & Hookup! Now get out there and watch some fireworks.
We’ve heard that honesty is the best policy, especially where relationships are concerned. Dr. Phil would have a heart attack if I suggested that perhaps sometimes a gentle lie is the best way to go. Well, maybe. I’m still not sure.
Here 3 examples of little lies that can pop up in relationships:
Greetings ISA Council!
As I was saying before my battery died last transmission, interacting with humans is not as easy as one might think.
Council Members, let us pretend for the moment that you are humans. You would probably find that you and your fellow humans are often very busy trying to figure out what is going on inside the heads of other humans instead of focusing on more important things, like collectively stopping all your icebergs from melting.
As a young human, this imagining yourself in someone else’s feetshoes is a good thing, because it helps you develop the Empathy Feeling. But it is also a bad thing, because it’s easy to get distracted by trying to guess what other people think about the most important thing in all of space-time: you.
I was on my first date with Josh, a nice but kind of awkward guy I’d met at a football game. He’d won me over with some cheesy puns and a cute, slightly-crooked smile. He had baby blue eyes that sort of squinted when he laughed. It’s a bummer he turned out to be kind of creepy.
Things were going pretty well, even though he had a few quirks. For one thing, he kept mumbling to himself, although since I didn’t know for sure if I was just imagining things at the time, I didn’t think about it much. He’d brought me to a nice restaurant, but absolutely insisted on a window table, so it took way longer than it should have to be seated. We did have a nice time after that, and we realized we shared an affinity for Buffy the Vampire Slayer and midnight bowling. He was friendly and pleasant enough, although he was obviously nervous. He kept fidgeting, and even pulled out his phone to text once or twice, a pet peeve of mine.
All in all, I wasn’t exactly impressed, but by the end of the date I guess I decided he was a nice and funny guy and was considering seeing him again. It’s a good thing I caught sight of the van. That’s right, the van. Yes, it’s as weird as it sounds.
It’s as if we’re always chasing something. Chasing the school, the job, the relationship, the next job, the next relationship, the house, the family, the status, and the style. Never satisfied. Never enough.
The race isn’t going to stop. It’s okay to slow down every once in a while and enjoy the scenery. To look back at the long road we’ve come down to get to where we are. But we refuse to stop. Rather than give ourselves the time to take stock in our accomplishments, we look past them as we search for the next one.
And in a world like today, where we are all showcasing the best parts of our lives all over the Internet, it’s easy to feel like we’re slacking. Like we’re missing something, not trying hard enough, not as happy as everyone else.
And, in fear of never being able to keep up, we hide behind a word, a very tiny word that suddenly has gained a lot of clout, and four little letters that get tossed around left and right as an excuse for why we just can’t. Can’t attend the party, can’t meet for lunch, can’t start a family, can’t wash our hair. That word, is busy.
The lovely ladies here at Dating & Hookup asked me to participate in this blog roll about my writing process. And I said yes. So here are some questions about writing, along with my answers. I want you guys to answer them, too!
Some background: I’ve been blogging on my blog, Apocalypstick, since 2009. I also write for HelloGiggles, Dating & Hookup (obviously), Thought Catalog, XoJane, and We Love Dates. My work has also appeared on The Frisky, This Recording, and in Genlux magazine. I’ve been published in Indie Chick magazine and in the books The Jewish Daughter Diaries and my own book, I Forgot To Be Famous. I tend to write about dating/relationships, living in Los Angeles, and pop culture.
Okay, now that that’s out of the way, let’s get to the questions, shall we?
Hang in there. We’re so close. And we’re in Brussels! There’s no song about Brussels so I got you this link to “One Night in Bangkok.” Thank me in a week when it’s still in your head.
Everyone talks about how much pressure’s on, and then they are distracted by the shininess of their hotel accommodations.
Everyone is ALSO wearing gorgeous drape-y man scarves or hoodies. NOT BOTH AT ONCE.
Each of the five dudes are just a little bit creepy about how much they like Andi and want her for their very own. Everyone continues to hate Nick, and I love Nick. Nick’s terrible attitude reminds me of the delightful man to whom I gave my final rose.
I am obsessed with other people’s folly.
My mother subscribed to People magazine, which meant I was up on all of the publicist-approved dirt of the 1990s (the innocent time prior to the most tragic breakup of all, the one between Tom Cruise and his brilliant publicist Pat Kingsley).
“Old Loves” is the kind of site that I can’t get enough of. I’ve read the entirety of it, and I visit more than once a week to make sure I haven’t missed any new posts. My innate voyeurism, my desire to know everything I can about everyone else’s business, and my utter fascination with the transitions made in the lives of celebrities makes this site among the greatest things that have ever happened to me.
It crystallizes all that is the agony and ecstasy of the internet. We can never NOT look back, unless we refuse to play. And who among us refuses to occasionally dig in and do a little…research about what has become of those who we left behind, or those who left us behind? This somehow feels safer than me trying to find out what happened to the guy I was in love with when I was sixteen.
Some of my favorites to reflect on:
1) John Mayer and Jessica Simpson. There was something so exquisitely lost about Jessica in the midst of this relationship. We’ve all been there: you break up with a Ken Doll when you were supposed to live happily ever after, you meet the bad boy you can change, you try to make him take you seriously.
I don’t know John Mayer. I have suspicions about what he might be like as a person, but I don’t know him. What I do know is that he’s not into this relationship and I would gather every moment that did not involve the deployment of sexual napalm was a struggle. Seeing Jessica Simpson work so hard to try to make this work: the brown hair, the reading of books (I recall reading somewhere that she “loved” Chuck Palahniuk during their relationship)…agony. It reminds me of that time in high school I tried to be a Republican for two days to impress upon a young man that I was worth his time. It did not work.
Falling in love is a tricky thing. It takes so much time and then takes no time at all. It’s a balancing act of knowing when to be selfish and when to compromise. It’s forgiveness and trust and discovery. It’s confusing, but exhilarating. Difficult, yet so satisfying. There are many different kinds of love, but the trickiest of them all is the love we must fall in with ourselves.
You see, we can’t expect to give ourselves fully to another person, to trust that it’s right, to be a strong partner, if we’re unsure about ourselves. How can we expect someone else to be happy with us if we aren’t happy with us? We all know this to be true, but, man, is it easy to forget. Let us never be too stubborn to deny ourselves the help of these simple reminders.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
Follow Dating & Hookup on Instagram
Follow Jess on Instagram
Follow Becky on Instagram
Follow me on Twitter