My dear friend Demetri and I just had an interesting gchat convo about modern (post-modern?) love & relationships. So if Demetri and I are right – and love boils down to a daily decision and we’re all living relationships, or non-relationships, of convenience, or of inconvenience – where DOES that leave romance, passion and, most importantly, commitment?
In the timeless words of the Beach Boys: God Only Knows What I’d Be Without You. And the 2010 reply: I’d be a movie star! A Nobel prize winning scientist! Happy! Are we headed full-speed toward a world where love is the ultimate ball-and-chain?
So Marni writes: “WOMEN DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH THE BAD BOY!!!!!!! They want to be with a good man who does possess some of the qualities the bad boy pretends to have.”
My friend Tom Isler is making a documentary about this rather extraordinary couple. Allen and Collette consider 7th Ave in NYC a “long hallway” in their shared life together. Both middle aged, they have lived 20 blocks apart, in separate apartments, for the entirety of their 4.5 year long marriage.
That is, they did live separately, until the economic collapse forced them to re-consider the state of their finances, the state of their real estate, and therefore the state of their wedded bliss… So they are moving in together! We’ll have to wait for the film to be finished in the fall to know exactly how their relationship (and Collette’s West Village, rent stabilized apartment) have fared, but from the trailer it looks like the couple has been dealing with irksome issues large and small.
Haven’t we come up with enough ways to make cheating easy? Gone are the days when a wife would pick up the house phone, listen to the heavy silence on the other end, and scream at her husband, “THAT WAS HER, WASN’T IT?!?!” Now cheaters can use cell phones, multiple email addresses, Gchat, AIM, and covert Facebook and Twitter messages and status updates to communicate with their jump offs. Is there really a need for us to be held even LESS accountable for our romantic and sexual indiscretions?
Apparently, yes. Those damn cheaters are never satisfied.
Oh, how are the mighty fallen!
Daily Intel “feels bad” for snickering, but makes the fair enough point that romance / life / career self-help author Karen Salmasohn fell for the oldest line in the book when she started an affair with a married man who claimed he was divorcing his wife, got knocked up, and then was shocked (and is suing him) because it turns out he’s still very much married and very much NOT getting divorced.
So what IS up with my sex life? It depends on who you ask. A recent study at Indiana University found that men and women, old and young, from 18-96 years old, have vastly differing opinions on what constitutes “sex” – and there’s no seeming rhyme or reason to it.
Some guy just asked me to Bump him.
Actually, I’m surprised that it hasn’t happened before. Bump is one of the most popular iPhone apps out there, the very third app that I downloaded (sorry, can’t live without Google and Facebook). For the uninitiated, Bump allows you to transfer all your contact info to another person’s iPhone by simply Bumping your iPhones together. It takes about five seconds, and something about the Bumping action provides a cheap little thrill, like you’re suddenly eight-year-olds fencing with fake plastic swords on your front lawn again.
When this guy (a purely professional, and not romantic, prospect) asked me to Bump him, it made me wonder why this hasn’t yet become a bigger part of the pickup scene. At least in New York City, where iPhones seem to outnumber bagel shops. Why aren’t people Bumping all over bars, clubs and parties? Will Bumping ever become one more nuance of technology that plays a significant role in our romantic interactions? Do we even want it to?
Let’s weigh the pros and cons of Bump-fueled hookups.
If only I’d read this Jezebel piece (which shouts out our site, for better or worse) before going on that non-date last night, I’d have known exactly what to do.
According to blogger Jenna Sauers, when it comes to romance, the setting and circumstances are arbitrary. The only important piece of information is whether you two like each other. She writes:
“If you don’t [like each other], then I think you know what to do. (Turn the experience into a laceratingly self-deprecating exaggerated tale of woe for your friends and mine it for laughs, duh.) If you did, great! Then do whatever it was that you enjoyed with that person again, maybe a bunch of times; stop and move on when it’s not so good anymore.”
So…is it REALLY this easy? Is Sauers the straightforward, easygoing woman of the future, while Becky and I are the blogging equivalents of Gigi, the over-analytical and overly-traditional girl from the “He’s Just Not That Into You” movie? Are we making mountains out of molehills?
I say no.
Apparently, people care about The Bachelor again. And apparently, I suddenly care about The Bachelor. I’d never seen an episode of the schmaltzy show before this season, but somehow the lure of red roses, romantic waterfalls and teary confessions of love were just too much for this post-dating chick to resist. All the shirtless shots of Jake the Pilot weren’t so bad, either.
So now that I’ve already forfeited your respect, I’d like to share the following impassioned conversation that occurred over my Facebook wall after tonight’s finale. In between all the Bachelorisms, you’ll discover a fascinating psychological theory on how to find true love. Don’t say Vienna never taught you nothing!
It turns out my sickness was swine flu (take that Forman!), and having exhausted my backlog of HOUSE re-runs on DVR, I turned to Showtime for solace, where once again I was faced with a torturous dichotomy of desire: Dexter vs. Henry VIII.
Talk about hyper-masculinity. Any man willing to hack apart the opposition limb by limb gets bonus stud points AND bastard points in my book – making him pretty much irresistable (from my pre-established hypothetical standpoint of course). And even if he has an executioner do the dirty deed…that power trip is sexy too. WTF?!
I believe in the body as a canvas for art - a template for design. I have no tattoos (that I’ll admit to) but I admire my friends who take creative self-expression to the bodily level (this means you Stevie!). What you emblazon on your skin must have a profound effect on your soul – just has to be.
So what is to be said of Vajazzling?! (<3 Marcail for sending this our way) Jennifer Love Hewitt raved about her post-break-up “vajazzled va-jayjay” on the George Lopez Show last month. So should we ladies all be clamoring to meld on swarovski chrystals down where the sun don’t shine? Completely Bare Spare guarantees their Vajazzles for 5 days!
Author and fellow navigator of the modern romantic landscape Hannah Seligson wrote an AWESOME piece in today’s Wall Street Journal. In the article, she delves into the confusing realities of the post-dating world (with some eye-opening statistics) and explains why popular books of the past and present have it all wrong for our generation. A.M.E.N.
She also quotes me and gives a shout out to this site (I told you, she’s awesome!).
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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