My name is Roz. I have tiptoed into the dating world, but have never really taken the plunge. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m exceptionally open to meeting new people, but there is a dearth of men in my dah. Why is that? It’s probably due to a lot of things, but if Dr. Jess were to diagnose me, she would say I have a Stage 4 case of the “friendly” vibe. I can’t help it. I’m friendly!
However, when I travel, my most flirtatious self shines through to even the hottest dah prospects, and my Stage 4 case of the friendly finds a temporary antidote.
Now, why is it that I have so much luck when I travel – but when I’m homebound, I don’t have Pierre, Roberto, or Joe the Hot Hostel Bartender interested in me? To be candid, I think I shut off that extra sensual self because there are a host of complications and repercussions (personal and professional) that could arise with the homebound hook-up, especially when I meet most of my dah prospects at work functions.
In the past, I played the friendly card and it has served me well professionally. But “friendly” is going to find a friend this summer, and it’s called “sexy.”
I will release the pressure that I put on myself (we all do this, ladies!) to find a boyfriend. This summer will NOT be about finding that prize of a partner. It will be about learning about myself and enjoying every part of the process—however frustrating it may be at times.
I’m throwing caution to the wind and creating a personal “WTF?! Challenge.”
This week in NYC Happenings, the theatrically-inclined among you can invite one of your dah guys or girls on a non-date to the Samuel French Off Off Broadway Short Play Festival. Tomorrow night features SMART PHONE by Nick Jones, who is that force of perverse nature behind such cult indie theater as Jollyship the Whizbang, Straight Up Vampire, and, forthcoming at Lincoln Center, The Coward.
We’re into this play here at WTF?! considering the tag line:
“A phone develops artificial intelligence and takes over Sam’s love life.”
Sounds like my auto-biography!
I’m excited to see Jones’ take on the perils of technology and love. Lord knows, we’ve spent a lot of time on this site (and with Andi & Brenna at CNN.com!) dishing about the angst, confusion, fun, ambiguity, and craziness of techno-romance. Our very own love guru Jess pointed out on the Huffington Post that you can technologically outsource your entire relationship if you want! (that’s a JOKE, people.)
…then He’s Attracted to You. Ladies, you heard it here first.
If one more guy tells me this! (Actually, what I usually hear is, “If I’m talking to her, then I want to sleep with her.” But gotta keep it clean for the HuffPost crowd).
Happy Summer Friday, folks. Here’s to many, um, conversations to be had over the weekend.
Say what you want about The New York Times – that their website sucks, they they have a tendency to victimize and scare the crap out of single women, that they totally misunderstand the Millennial generation and wrongfully pick lazy, privileged, upper-middle class slackers to represent us as a whole (don’t even get me started on that one) – but DAMN, people read it.
Over the past few days, Becky and I have happily been inundated with emails from our fabulous readers about the Times’s latest foray into modern dating and relationships – their Sunday Styles cover story, The Ritual of the First Date, Circa 2010. And almost everyone had pretty much the same reaction: I can’t figure out if this is cool? Or creepy? Should I be into this or not?
Are you there girls? It’s me, Matthew.
That’s a question and a consequent introductory statement that I haven’t had to make for the better part of nearly four years. I was in a seemingly fruitful, committed relationship, and I happily played the role of boyfriend. That all changed a few weeks back, as I saw this love affair come to a screeching halt and parted ways with the girl I suppose I guess I assumed I’d eventually marry.
Now, the breakup itself was mutual and amicable. Both parties still care fondly for one another as people, and there was no foul play that would prompt an emotional outpouring of hatred from one side. Nothing like that at all went on. Everything was OK, and that was the issue. It can’t just be OK.
The second season of HBO show HUNG is here! With the tag line “New Season. Old Profession.”
The high concept of the show is that this down-on-his-luck, high-school-basketball-coach, divorced-father-of-two, named Ray, has nothing to capitalize on in this economy but his very large penis. With the help of two bickering, competitive female pimps – one a self-righteous poet, the other an amoral personal shopper – Ray becomes an escort, servicing ladies throughout Detroit. And he works hard for the money.
I shared a cigarette with a guy at work yesterday, and now I feel really guilty about it. I’ve been in a relationship for over a year and I love my boyfriend. Am I an asshole?
Why didn’t I see this coming? The other guy was obviously trying to get close to me…I feel stupid, like I should have known better than to share the cigarette. I’ve been beating myself up over it.
What do you think? Should I forgive myself? Or is there something wrong with me? Am I loose? I kinda feel like a slut.
No Foam Latte (With A Smoke On The Side)
My question comes from the very early stages of potential romance. This has come up a few times when I’ve been hanging out with girls in the non-dating stage, but when there may be some interest…
Why would a girl tell me about other guys who ended up having some unrequited feelings for her? Why bring up guys whose advances she shut down, or who kept fruitlessly pursuing her? Or laid it on the line in some way, past the point when she thinks her lack of interest should’ve been clear to them?
What does it mean? Am I reading too much into it? Do women just think this makes a good story? Or, is it a warning against making an awkward move? Or could it be some kind of invitation, a subtle reminder that she’s single (but with high standards!)?
I’ve usually responded by thinking to myself, “Well, I don’t want to be a story for you with the next dude you hang out with, so…” And then I try to move on. But would love the female perspective.
I’m Cooler Than Those Other Guys, Right??
Welcome back to our sorta-bi-weekly-seasonal-annual-whenever-I’m-in-the-mood Bachelorette recaps! And boy, oh boy, what a tumultuous few weeks it’s been. Remember in my last recap, when I said that “the beauty of Dating & Hookup” is that “the guys, and the roles they play, are constantly rotating and evolving, based on your interactions with them?” (when did I start quoting myself? am I getting too big for my britches?) Well, Ali’s dah is practically unrecognizable these days! And sadly, I mean that in a bad way.
In the last recap, I also made the mistake of commending Ali on her dah-management skills and reminding her, “If you’re really, truly looking for love, then it’s probably best that you continue avoiding Ex-Boyfriends, Super Horny Guys, Unavailable Guys and Career Boosters.” Well…apparently she’s not reading this blog. Crap.
Now that Jess and I have told Chris Brown to shamefully f*ck off, we can get back to the fun stuff. Like food! And sex! At the same time! Or at least in close succession!
(do I sound excited?)
Cook to Bang is a popular blog that is now a book. The project is billed as “The Lay Cook’s Guide to Getting Laid,” or as the website puts it – “Recipes to Get You Laid.” Author Spencer Walker claims he can make good on this promise of culinary sexual prowess. All it takes is a “Sex Crazy Mofo Tofu Scramble” or some “Miso Horny Cod” or the “Naughty Mahi,” paired, of course, with the proper alcoholic beverage of choice (Panty Dropping Shandy? Raging Hard (On) Lemonade? Smoking Hot Peppermint Fatty?) and you, dude, and your lady will be banging in no time.
When I woke up this morning, I was looking forward to blogging about any one of the many happy, light, optimistic topics that we chat about on this site. Maybe a new Bachelorette recap! Or how about some crazy new romance app? It’s about time that I make fun of Becky about something…
But instead, I woke up to countless emails and news reports about Chris Brown bawling at last night’s BET Awards. He danced, he cried, he made a pathetic (but seemingly effective) attempt to resurrect his career. And yet again, I feel compelled to take time out of my – and your – busy schedule to address the insane level of bullshit surrounding this story.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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