It’s August, which means I’m more than halfway through my deployment. By July I’ve already been shipped to New York, Colorado and Maine. Each time I buy the dress, surf registries, RSVP for one, and long for September, the unofficial end of wedding season.
Last weekend I attended a wedding so beautiful, so intimate and so full of love that it affirmed my belief that it’s always worth the wait. In the short-term, however, it reinforced my conviction that I’ll need to go AWOL for the remainder of this season, lest I have a complete and utter meltdown.
As I get older the gap between “me” [Disaster] and “them” [Happily-Ever-Afterturds] gets wider. Where there used to be a cabin full of single guests, now there are only two of us (and the only reason she’s still single is that she lost a lot of time due to a long stint as a lesbian). And after 30, each wedding season becomes a Darwinian dwindle of single. And at last weekend’s wedding I was one of the few people left, holding my ground in single.
The tide has turned, and I should have known it the moment I arrived. I showed up at the lodge with a grocery bag full of Gatorade, Advil and late night snacks (I’m the ultimate provider where orange carbs are concerned). One of the Happily Ever Afterturds turned to me confused and asked, “What’s that for?”
Jess – I get the logic of your argument from last week’s Ode to Ugly Guys. Ugly guys are more fun and interesting than hot guys. The gargoyles from The Hunchback of Notre Dame also make the point rather well.
But what if I don’t want to have sex with that ugly guy?
Or, to put it visually.
These naked ugly guys are brilliant and funny (and for all I know geniuses in bed):
But, at the end of the day, I want to have sex with this hot guy (and so do you):
Such, evidently, is the predicament of the modern woman.
I just got back from the most beautiful wedding. The bride wore white. The groom’s minister father performed the ceremony. The wedding took place at an old pilgrim church in New Haven. Vows were made “before God and these witnesses.” And at the reception – on polished, creaky, historic floors, sipping specialty (strong) cocktails – we danced to jazz standards and toasted the happy couple with the Mory’s song. Did I mention the Best Man was really cute?
It has been about two months since I started the experiment of my WTF?! Summer Challenge, and now comes the time when I have to check in with myself and see how this whole crazy, adventure is going. I guess you could call it a personal midterm review?
I was never one for midterms in high school. Teachers called it a “point of reflection,” but I thought of it as just another opportunity to stress about grades. Well, thank goodness I am no longer the same person that I was in high school. My hair has greatly improved, my insecurities have shrunk, and my positive attitude has been revitalized to nursery school naptime levels.
So in the spirit of, dare I say, “reflection,” I’m going to divulge some post-dating lessons that I’ve learned at this linear midpoint in my personal experiment. (Yes, that was a semi-humorous math joke…)
WTF?! Summer Challenge: Midterm Review
“Single, San Diego-based Marketing Genius Creates Infomercial In Bold Quest To Find True Love…”
Sounds like the tagline to a horrific romantic comedy starring Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Aniston, right? One that ends with the guy falling in love with the girl who helped him make the infomercial, waaaay back before he became famous and desirable?
Luckily for the women of San Diego, it’s not a tagline. It’s real. It’s the true story of a man who got fed up with the traditional and online dating scenes (sound familiar?) and decided instead to use technology, a tried and true sales technique, and his unique brand of humor and charm to find the woman of his dreams. Tim Goggin, a 32-year-old entrepreneur (and improv comedy performer!), has created a professional informercial and accompanying website to sell….himself.
Just call him TimWOW.
Tomorrow in NYC Happenings, The Bowery Poetry Club is hosting Basseyworld Live! at 7pm. Brought to you by 5 x Def Poetry Jam Poet Bassey Ikpi, the night will feature an illustrious panel discussion about pop culture, politics and relationships (intertwined with Bassey’s poetry of course!).
Two women – as opposite to one another as humanly possible – gathered on a rooftop with their significant others and a small group of friends for a birthday party on a warm, clear Sunday night in New York City. The first, a dark-haired artsy rebel type covered in ink, said hello and then proceeded to ignore my presence completely while nervously watching her sort-of boyfriend suspiciously glare at me in the distance. The other, a busty, bubbly and blond All-American girl, nearly bit off her tongue trying to explain what she and her man were doing there, since they usually reside across the country.
Having spent nights in bed with both of them, it was an uncomfortable scenario to encounter. Yet I couldn’t feign surprise. Somehow, in less than two years of living in New York, I’d managed to hook up with a good portion of my friend (we’ll call her Betsy) Betsy’s social circle. Betsy works in fashion and surrounds herself with cute women. And I’ve been told that I happen to be one of the only straight and ‘normal’ guys that these women encounter in a city full of snobs, slobs and men not interested in the opposite sex.
Circumstantially, I wasn’t set up to date either of the women on the roof when our attractions became physical. In one case, there was the issue of her being in a sort-of relationship (the artsy girl). And in the other, the issue of 2,000 miles (the All-American). These were safe scenarios for knowing that I would have a night’s companion without risking a life’s commitment.
Being single in New York has become a constant analysis of that same risk and reward. Let me be clear – I am not the type of person to endorse cheating, simultaneous sexual partners or sex without emotion. I have had a single one night stand that involved a complete stranger in my life, and it occurred on vacation. Sure, I’ve had plenty of single nights spent in bed, nearly rounding third. But I’m not into counting homeruns or the other macho shit that guys do. I don’t walk around comparing one lay to the last or keeping tally, either.
To be completely honest, I am a hopeless romantic caught up in the mess that is the Manhattan dating scene. Luckily, I’ve learned a few things along the way.
PROP 8 – THE MUSICAL
We were about to continue our conversation about that ugly guy you should be dating, but we wanted to take a moment to send a WTF?! Shout Out to US District Judge Vaughn Walker, who ruled Prop 8 in California unconstitutional today, as well as to all the activists who have been working hard to overturn this prohibition of gay marriage in America’s most populous state.
You can read the historic ruling HERE. An appeal that goes all the way to the Supreme Court seems likely, and a stay is possibly going into immediate effect, but nonetheless, couples are already headed to the altar.
Like most girls, I’ve (non-)dated quite the variety of guys – all of whom have fallen along different parts of the physical attractiveness spectrum. I’ve walked hand-in-hand with “the hot guy” and experienced the pride that comes with seeing girls ogle and moon over him, jealously wondering how a normal human being like you got lucky enough to snag him. I’ve been involved with “the nice looking guy,” who initially evokes a sense of ambivalence but seems to become cuter and cuter as you get to know him. And I’ve fallen head over heels for the, um, “less traditionally attractive guy” (okay, we’ll call him “the ugly guy,” but only for the sake of this piece) – the one who makes you feel like you’ve uncovered a great secret, and who you consider hiding away in an airtight bunker before all the other girls realize what they’re missing.
(Although we’ve all experienced the annoying-but-true reality that once you find him attractive, other women will, too.)
I’ve engaged with these different types of guys via my dah, but I’d never thought about them in these specific terms. That is, until I read a recent MSN article entitled, “Dating Down,” which argues that “less attractive men make better mates.”
Like it or not, anyone who visits WTF?! regularly is probably familiar with my post-dating recaps of the latest season of The Bachelorette. I even ruffled some feathers and started a bit of drama on The Huffington Post by writing a piece that preposterously (?) suggested that people are actually watching the show – an estimated 20 million for tonight’s season finale! So after reading all that, you might be wondering what I thought of the dramatic (admit it, those were three DRAMATIC hours of television!) season finale.
Lucky for you, my reactions will be stored for the rest of time in the Library of Congress…because I live-tweeted the whole damn thing!
If you missed it (or just want to re-live it? hey, we live in a post-dating world. shit is weird. to each their own), then check out my minute-to-minute thoughts HERE at our @WTFLoveLife Twitter account.
Oh, and should I mention that there will be spoilers? I like to think that you’re all smart enough to realize this on your own. Especially seeing as you won’t be able to turn on your laptop tomorrow without seeing news of the finale. Well, in any case…SPOILER ALERT!!!
So what was the takeaway message of all this tweeting?
This Romance Reading Series, which has been written up at Beatrice and Time Out New York among other press, is hosted monthly at Madame X. That would be at 94 West Houston, 7-9 PM, $5 admission (or one gently used romance novel) with proceeds to benefit local women’s charities.
And if you’re not in NYC, check out the satellite salons!
**If you are hosting – or know of – an event that may be of interest to our readers (in NYC or elsewhere) please let us know at [email protected]
Here are some things you should know about me: I could eat nachos every day, I have eight tattoos, and I do yoga most mornings. Oh and also, I’m married. In fact, I’ve been coupled with my husband for almost 11 years now (and we’re not even 30 yet!). So, you’re thinking, what in the world is she doing writing for WTF?! How could she possibly know or relate to the madness that is the post-dating world?
Well, my fellow WTF fans, I have a different role – I am the friend who is up at 3 am on a weeknight while my best friend’s boyfriend just broke her heart; I am the wing-woman in the bar on Karaoke Wednesday at the firefighter bar; and I am the one willing to make the often awkward leap into conversation with a Hot Sex Prospect so as to segue way for my single sistas.
I can dish about whether or not it’s a good idea to sleep with that new co-worker you hit it off with over tapas and can tell you when, yes, your butt looks too fat in that outfit, but this one will be perfect. I am here for the tears, the cringes, but also – the romance.
I cherish my gal pals. But it seems like I’m the exception, not the rule. Time and again, I’ve seen girls alienate and drive away their Single Gal Pals the second a semi-serious guy enters the picture. Sound GOOD to you? Here’s a Handy Guide on what to do if you’d like to make The One your One And Only!
(and by now I’m hoping you realize this is a How-To in reverse a la How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days…Oh dreamy McConaughey… even married girls can dream…)
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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