How many times have we all rationalized away a failed relationship (or potential relationship) by invoking the ever-comforting, “the timing was just off?”
This platitude is cliché but reassuring. There is not something inherently wrong with us! Or the other person. The failure was just a function of that ineffable construct – Time. Right…? Like all the things we say to ourselves after facing the collapse of a relationship, we don’t necessarily believe it. But it certainly helps to ease the rejection.
But maybe time isn’t so intangible. Maybe timing is in fact everything.
I don’t mean “time,” in the sense that your efforts to get a guy to commit days after his fiance left him are not working, or that your 21-year-old crush is more interested in finding her new favorite happy hour spot than in going on a couples weekends with you, your best friend and his wife. I mean time in terms of how we perceive time, and consequently, our whole lives.
For decades, education researchers, psychologists and sociologists have been fascinated by a concept called future time orientation. There are dozens of scholarly articles on the topic – but for those without access to a university library log-in, you can get the condensed version here.
Basically, it all boils down to the argument that there are three lenses through which we view the world – Past, Present and Future. Each one has two sub-categories. And while this all may seem pretty simple, time-orientation can explain a lot about how you approach the world and what successes you might experience.
Don’t worry, there won’t be a test at the end.
For our WTF?! purposes, time-orientation also gives us insight into how we behave in our relationships, what we look for in our partners, and why sometimes – no matter how hard we try – the timing is just never right. A present hedonistic will probably never be happy with a future oriented, and a fatalist just can’t understand the past-negative’s inability to instantly get over his ex.
If you and the person you want to be with are living in different times, no matter how hard you may try, it is just not going to work.
In this post-dating world of e-harmony algorithms, networking-non-dates, and wider and wider pools of potential partners, maybe we shouldn’t be asking “What’s your sign?” but rather be wondering, “What’s your time?”
We’re not happy to hear that any relationship has run its course. Especially not one that features a couple as publicly odd and entertaining as Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver.
Yet here we are, reading announcements of their separation after 25 years of marriage. There’s got to be a post-dating lesson somewhere in there…
We don’t approve of cheating (whatever that even is). So a while back, we shook our heads in disapproval while filling you in on Tiger Text - an app that allowed users to send damaging texts that would be deleted from both their phones and the recipients’ phones after a certain amount of time. Shame on you, sketchy and secretive cheaters!
Yet we don’t approve of paranoid, obsessive cyberstalking, either. Sneaking peeks at your significant other’s phone is bad enough. But buying a gadget that will recover their deleted texts and map out where they’ve been lately?
We published this love letter to our Moms last year on Mother’s Day, and it turns out – some things never change! Love you, Mom(s)!
On behalf of complex, empowered and grateful women everywhere, Becky and I – along with a random assortment of our friends – would like to thank our mothers. We may sometimes find ourselves confused, frustrated and wondering how to forge our own paths in this brave new world, but we wouldn’t have had the confidence and insight to step off the beaten trail in the first place without you.
So THANK YOU Mom, for…
“My love life? It’s non-existent! “ (aka “I don’t have a love life!” “I’m not dating anyone!” “Please, I NEED a love life!” etc.)
Need proof? Watch the videos HERE.
But it’s not only concertgoers in Austin, co-eds in Louisiana, and sassy old ladies in San Francisco who think that their love lives are depressingly non-existent. Apparently, even the #1 artist in the country right now hasn’t heard that she has a dah yet.
Bear with me! A week after the Royal Wedding, I know we’re all feeling a bit like that little frowning flower girl. Especially when major world events like SEAL Team 6 showing Osama who’s boss remind us that there’s really (really, really, really) more to life (and the world) than whether lace sleeves are the greatest thing ever and which ugly stepsister had the most awesome hat.
BUT. I think there is a lot we Millennials should appreciate – and hold on to – from that literally-spectacular, star-making and generation-defining (yep) Event…
A finely cut diamond, a romantic atmosphere, a well thought-out speech, a man on one knee…the works. And then there are bonus points available if hundreds of sports fans, parkgoers or restaurant attendees are breathlessly awaiting your answer – what a great way to say to the world, “Hey! I made it through the awful drudgery of being single, and I caught me a man! Yeah, you should be jealous!”
Of course women want all that. Don’t we?
I am a girl desperately seeking advice. I have been smitten with a particular member of my dah since November. The smitteness has gotten out of hand. I would define this dah member (who we’ll call Errol) as a Prospect You’re Not Sure Is a Prospect. I will give you a quick Cliff Notes version of our various non-dates and then present the current dilemma–when will this potential prospect actually become a prospect? Will he ever become a prospect or am I wasting my time?
Remember all those entertaining tales of online-to-real-life dates gone wrong (and right) that we heard about in WTF?!’s online dating series? Well, what if you – a random viewer at home in front of your laptop – had actually gotten to watch all that weirdness go down? Tempting, right?
Now, you might be able to. Watch other people’s dates, that is. On YouTube. Think Blind Date without all those snarky speech bubbles (okay, we have to admit it – we miss the speech bubbles).
How About We tipped us off to this brand new invention: a virtual french kissing machine – so that you can “french kiss” your faraway loved one in real time…OR record a french kiss with him/her and then re-play it for yourself whenever you want. OR purchase a pre-recorded “kiss” from your favorite Celebrity Hot Sex Prospect.
We’ve talked a lot about how long-distance relationships are hard and how Millennials are using technology to make it work even across oceans and continents. So…what do you say? Should we try adding this machine to the techno-romantic mix?
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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