Where the hell are you? Disney told me very explicitly that someday you would come, but I’m almost thirty now and you have yet to show up. Did you not hear about my qualifications? My thriving career and my closet full of designer clothes? I was pretty sure this information was transferred through the ether by fairy dust and then projected on your adorably messy bachelor-pad wall in the form of a magical, but persuasive, power-point presentation. Why have you not popped up at one of the game nights thrown by my girlfriends, charmed them all (it’s your name), but wanted exclusively to marry me?
Of course, having said that, my girlfriends totally deserve princes as well. I’m not just writing for myself, I’m writing for an entire generation of ladies here, so please mobilize your friends and brothers. We are exceedingly busy building careers, socializing with each other, and re-decorating our apartments. Must we work for everything? What are you doing with your days anyway, if not spending them sending us cute messages and flowers at work?
Are you even out there at all? I fear that recent advances made by women in the areas of education and career may have had the adverse effect of erasing you and your kind from the planet/Manhattan, leaving only men with blue collar jobs and non-Ivy educations. I think I speak for my fellow Millennial Women when I say: ew. We all know that smart, cultured, kind men are generally bankers.
My life would be totally acceptable and complete, except that you were also part of the plans I made for myself as a small child and you have not had the courtesy to show up yet. Who am I supposed to kiss on New Year’s Eve in slow motion while people hold sparklers and sing Auld Lang Syne? It is embarrassing. I made those plans in crayon, Charming. Crayon.
Please get on your high horse and get the hell over here. Don’t make me move to Alaska.
Ed. Note – This piece was written in response to the following.
Thanks, AMWGAgency for the photo!
Georgia Lowe works in Manhattan and lives in Brooklyn with her husband. She always pronounces "husband" with a southern accent because she hasn't gotten used to saying it yet. She is from Minnesota.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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