Online Dating
I’m looking for casual sex. At least according to my OKCupid profile.
Also according to the profile, I am 5’4 (1.63 m), Gemini and it’s fun to think about, graduated from college/university, and Artistic / Musical / Writer. All those other attributes are true, so when it says I’m looking for casual sex, that also must be true. Right?
Surprisingly or not, that tiny little phrase way down at the bottom of my personalized profile full of descriptors, ruminations, quips and favorites has elicited the most notable comments and queries from men in my experience so far on OKCupid.
Here’s a smattering.
I felt like I was packing for Mars. Suiting up for OKCupid, as it were, by inputting my personal stats (“White / 5’4” / Gemini and its fun to think about”) and uploading the best picture of myself I could find. Choosing from a drop-down menu of relationship choices (“I’m looking for new friends, long-term dating, casual sex”) and pondering a bunch of inane “Questions” with terrible seriousness (STALE is to STEAL as 89475 is to… / Does finding a long-term partner give you license to “let yourself go,” ie – lower your standards of personal hygiene or appearance or gain large amounts of weight?)
I was always that girl who swore she would never do online dating. Sigh.
There was no dramatic blastoff. Suddenly there I was! An OKCupid profile-of-a-person like any other. I had decided while filling out said profile that I was going to complete each section with honesty and with the first ideas that came to my mind with conviction. I was going to take it seriously, and I wasn’t going to finesse my profile for anyone (goddammit!).
And that was the first sign I’d entered a new cosmic system.
All the times I’d fallen for guys, pretending to be passionate about their various opinions, hobbies, causes and/or emotional issues (or at least convincing myself that I was passionate about them…) All the times I’d put HIM first and ME second (“relationships take work. love takes sacrifice.”) All the times I’d let my personal pursuits fall by the wayside (in the spirit of the “common good” – “we” don’t have time.)
In my ‘real’ life I was an amorphous body of dark matter – inexplicable, ever-changing, serving some mysterious “higher” purpose. And online? Well, when I said I couldn’t live without the Ara Pacis (among 5 other mind-f*cking pieces of art) – I totally meant it. While indulging in this solipsistic exercise, I had found…myself…more truly and more strange….
So I thought to myself. Ok, Cupid. This is worth a shot.
In the August issue of Glamour, Mila Kunis described Internet dating as “online shopping. [My friends and I] get together with our laptops and have a glass of wine. Then we message the guy.” Presented this way, these girls look at online dating the same way they would shopping together – looking around, pointing out what they think their friends would like, and too often, just teasing ourselves without actually making a purchase. But how can the rest of us get the most out of the experience? Here are the three ways to get the greatest value when you shop online – I mean, date.
Picture this. When you’re shopping, an attractive display is what gets you in the door. The same goes for your dating profile. With this in mind, take the time to choose attractive photos of yourself – preferably one close-up and one full body shot. If you have pictures of yourself doing different activities (think skiing or from an exotic vacation), these pictures will act as a handy conversation starter for all visitors. And since you want someone who loves you for who you really are, stay away from blurred or heavily edited pictures. Lastly, bright colors tend to pop for profile picture thumbnails.
Put it in writing. Once you’ve gotten in the store, it’s the item descriptions that get you over the hump to pull out the credit card. That’s where the written part of the profile comes in. Your About Me section should be like the perfect dress: long enough to cover the essentials, short enough to intrigue (ideal length: 2-3 short paragraphs). And because this isn’t a job interview, you’re free to keep your tone light, using stories to describe your life and yourself. Don’t over think it. Your goal is simply to show that you are committed to meeting someone on the site because you’ve taken the time to write something thoughtful (you’d be surprised by the number of profiles with a single line of text).
Icelandic girls and guys with dahs have a unique problem. In a country of 300,000 people, the odds that you are related to your Boyfriend Prospect, Hot Sex Prospect or Super Horny Guy are…pretty damn good! Maybe you are all related to each other!
Enter the website: islendingabok, a sort of Facebook for Iceland (the name means ‘Book of Icelanders’) which tells you in one click how closely you and your guy are swimming in the genetic pool. Better check it out before your pants come off. Nothing says buzz kill like, our great-grandparents were married…to each other…
Is there an app for that yet????
via OddityCentral and GlobalPost
photo via *christopher*
Stay tuned for more…
Email us at [email protected] if you have stories to share on the Guest Blog! Keep ‘em coming!
Jess & Becky on Online Dating (on the WTF?! Blog):
WTF Is Up With My Online Dating Life?! by Jess
Ok, Cupid. Show Me What You’ve Got! by Becky
OKCupid Can o’ Worms o’ Moms by Becky
OK, Cupid. I’m Not That Kind of Girl. Or Am I? by Becky
OK, Cupid 
An Emoticon is Not Enough 
by Becky
WTF?! Online Dating Series Guest Blogs:
10 Things I Hate About J-Date by AnonymousMale (J-Date)
How We Met On Geek2Geek (Her Version!) by geeklover – gal (Geek2Geek)
How We Met On Geek2Geek (His Version!) by geeklover – guy (Geek2Geek)
POF: Plenty of…Friendship??? by Andy Veilleux (Plenty of Fish)
Searching For That Jones by BlackWomanSeeking (Black People Meet)
So this one time on eHarmony… by Sheridan (eHarmony)
Striking a Nerve: Tales of Online Dating by Julia Bartz (nerve.com)
Talking Gorillas, Expensive Water Bills, and OKCupid from the Other Side of the Screen by halcyonic (OKCupid)
The Ultimate J-Mom Success Story by Lily O (J-Date)
Why I Created TimWow, The Dating Infomercial by TimWow (TimWow)
WTF Is Up With Internet Dating – And Why Doesn’t It Work?! by spstar (Match, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, eHarmony, J-Date)
OK, Cupid. Remember when I joined up last fall and put a lot of thought into how I should fill out my profile and how I felt about this whole online dating phenomenon? Then I talked with a bunch of guys (some of whom were offended and some of whom were turned on by the fact that I said I was looking for casual sex, among other things)? I even talked to the guys my mom found for me when I gave her my log in info for a while. Some guys I met up with and/or hit it off with and/or added to my dah.
All in all, OKCupid was NOT a bad experience – even for a cute girl like me.
But! WTF, OKC! These past few weeks, I have suffered a baffling barrage of messages that boast a greeting (“hi” “hello” “hi there” etc) followed by an emoticon…
How would you describe your feelings for your Ex-Boyfriend Who’s Still Around? Your Accessory? Your Hot Sex Prospect? Your Prospect You’re Not Sure Is A Prospect?
Surely “I like him” and “I love him” don’t cover it all, right?
Maybe one of these seven more ambiguous emotions will do the trick…
Remember all those entertaining tales of online-to-real-life dates gone wrong (and right) that we heard about in WTF?!’s online dating series? Well, what if you – a random viewer at home in front of your laptop – had actually gotten to watch all that weirdness go down? Tempting, right?
Now, you might be able to. Watch other people’s dates, that is. On YouTube. Think Blind Date without all those snarky speech bubbles (okay, we have to admit it – we miss the speech bubbles).
Because there aren’t enough online dating options out there (???), here’s another e-spot where you can get your techno-romance on. But – only Neo-Objectivists need apply.
“We now have mathematical evidence that minimizing your “flaws” is the opposite of what you should do. If you’re a little chubby, play it up. If you have a big nose, play it up. If you have a weird snaggletooth, play it up…” – OkCupid
Moment of honesty: I’ve never, in my entire 27-year-old life, been called “cute.” At least not to my face.
Sure – like most women who don’t live under a rock and are willing to make eye contact with a guy every once in a while, I’ve been lucky enough to hear a few other flattering words thrown my way: pretty, hot, beautiful, sexy, attractive, bellissima, omorfi (I lived in Europe for a while), “faux ethnic” (??)…along with a word here or a phrase there that should never again be repeated. In many of these moments, it has seemed like the guy is simply scrolling through his mental rolodex of complimentary feminine adjectives, trying to land on the word that is going to best help him reach whatever goal he’s aiming for.
But somehow, for me, that rolodex has never stopped on “cute.”
I wouldn’t say that I’ve ever worried about this. But I have to admit, I’ve wondered. Why aren’t I “cute?” Is it because I’m not blonde? Not short? Not a size 2? Not particularly young-looking, whatever that means? Could it have something to do with the fact that a certain best friend of mine - the permanent fixture at my side for the past 15 years – is all of those things, and is indisputably, almost universally, “cute?” (I have heard her described in a thousand other ways, of course. but “cute,” too) Is it simply a matter of comparison?
Who knows. I’m over it. I swear! However, according to the latest post on OkCupid’s popular blog OkTrends – where they regularly use data from their millions of users and their online dating interactions to make some oft-surprising conclusions about modern attraction and romance – I shouldn’t just be over it. I should be HAPPY about it!
Why should I be happy about not being “cute?” Because being “cute” is apparently one of the worst things you can be, when it comes to getting hit on by men. Cuteness actually lessens your chances of being pursued by guys. Or so says OkCupid.
But here’s the thing. I’ve been talking to a lot of guys lately. I also, you know, live in the world. And I dont buy it. In real life, that is.
When most people think of online dating websites, there is a stigma attached. “You seriously use Plenty of Fish?” Some people will laugh. They will snicker. They will jeer at you, uncomfortably, or maybe, self-righteously.
Well, I do use Plenty of Fish. I’m not ashamed of it, honestly.
I’ve had friends try to make jokes at my expense, or try to make fun of me. I’ve had girls I’ve met through it feel uncomfortable about me saying that we met on a “dating website.” They strongly encourage me not to tell people that’s how we met.
To those people, I say: Grow up.
Last week in San Fran (that evening out on the town when I wasn’t calling back that guy I really like), I found myself eagerly signing up for SKOUT – ie – the largest location-based online dating community on the internet.
That’s right! Why scroll through endless dating profiles and message people back and forth for indeterminate periods of time, before finally meeting up with them and realizing they look nothing like their photos? Who has time for that? Why not see who is in your immediate vicinity and start chatting with them right now?! The impatience of modern techno-romance – as Jess dubs it - won’t let us have it any other way.
I was game…
dahGRAMS
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