Oh happy day! Finally a refreshing piece on why dating is so broken, from a MAN. A real man.
The conversation around the ills of modern dating seems to skew very feminine. It feels like women are the only ones brave enough to honestly question the current romantic climate. The result is the sad, desperate girl narrative, of which we’re all too aware. What’s wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? Am I just choosing the wrong men?
Finally, a man has spoken up! In his piece, “Is Your Boyfriend Muscle Out of Shape,” on NYMag’s The Cut, Jeff Wilser publicly questions his serial dating behavior. At 38, he finds himself repeating the same patterns and bad habits and wondering, “Is it me?”
Yessir. It is you! Thank you.
Wilser compares bad dating habits with bad eating habits.
“For many (not all) guys who are single, casual dating is a choice the way unhealthy eating is a choice: It’s not a conscious decision, but a habit that takes work to undo. Just as over 30 percent of the nation is clinically obese, my hunch is that, at minimum, 30 percent of the men in New York have lost their boyfriend muscle.”
It’s true, the longer you don’t use something, the more it atrophies. If you go a very long time not being in a relationship, practicing caring for another person on a daily basis, you will become less good at it. It will become scarier to try again. Think about if you go a really long time without going to the gym. It’s really scary because you know it’s going to be hard and hurt a little.
But the thing about relationships is, at least in the beginning, it shouldn’t feel like hard work. It should be fun. You shouldn’t be scared of the hard work because it won’t feel like work in the right relationship.
Also, if you know that getting in shape is what you ultimately want, but you’re just waiting for the right time to work out and reach your goal weight, that will never work. There’s never a right time to get in shape. Same goes with relationships.
There’s never a good time for a relationship. There really isn’t going to be an “ahaa!” moment when you’re ready to settle down. There is no one person who will change you. The only person who can do that is you. The only person who’s gonna get your butt in gear at the gym is you.
AND…and…because I am riding this metaphor pretty hard, you cannnot join a gym without a commitment.
So boys, ball is in your court. Are you ready to change your life?
Heather is a contributing editor at the-dah. She is a Los Angeles based writer, improviser, snacker, social media mistress, and aspiring adult. Read more of her food-stained stories about growing up weird at Terrible-Twenties.com, or follow her digital alter ego @MissHezah on Twitter.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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