OK, Cupid. Remember when I joined up last fall and put a lot of thought into how I should fill out my profile and how I felt about this whole online dating phenomenon? Then I talked with a bunch of guys (some of whom were offended and some of whom were turned on by the fact that I said I was looking for casual sex, among other things)? I even talked to the guys my mom found for me when I gave her my log in info for a while. Some guys I met up with and/or hit it off with and/or added to my dah.
All in all, OKCupid was NOT a bad experience – even for a cute girl like me.
But! WTF, OKC! These past few weeks, I have suffered a baffling barrage of messages that boast a greeting (“hi” “hello” “hi there” etc) followed by an emoticon…
And that’s it. No more engaging messages cleverly crafted to show how carefully and thoughtfully the dude read my profile. No more verbose exhortations on why I shouldn’t list casual sex on my profile. No more enticing invitations to some fun movie, event, concert or walk in the park.
Just a hi! And an emoticon.
I’m not sure what has happened. I logged into my account last week, after a several month hiatus (I had taken some time off from online dating this winter, since I was really busy with bowling team group-non-dates, various dramas involving guys in my dah, and wintry hibernation with my dog and a DVD set of the first five seasons of House. Who wasn’t?!)
So, maybe this is my punishment for not being on the site for a while (you know how analytical OKC gets with their user stats). Or, did all the fun guys flee as soon as OKC was bought by Match.com? Maybe the post-dating world has taken a turn for the even-less-solicitious and these guys feel totally off the hook for any kind of meaningful engagement. Is this what they are thinking? The smiley face says I’m interested! She should be happy I’m interested! What’s the big deal?!
But, what am I supposed to do? Respond with a smiley face? Respond with a wink? And then we make plans using emoticons to symbolize Thursday at 8pm at that new bar on Bedford…?
Or, maybe I’m supposed to respond with conversation, with an engaging message cleverly crafted to show how carefully and thoughtfully I read his profile. Are these dudes giving ME the go ahead to approach them if I AM interested…?
OK, Cupid. That’s f*cked up!
So, I’m not currently responding to any messages on OKCupid, which means my springtime dah is feeling like something of a bummer. But what’s a girl to do? I may embrace the ambiguity of the post-dating world and cultivate meaningful if confusing non-relationships with the guys in my life…but do I have to hear a guy out when this is his lame-ass idea of an approach?
Does the E in e-non-date really stand for emoticon??? Ugh.
Rebecca Coale - aka Becky - is a writer, musician and producer. She and childhood best friend Jessica Donalds created Dating & Hookup and founded J&R Creative Media. Becky blogs about love poetry and modern life & womanhood. She lives with her husband, Howard Coale, and their family in Manhattan and Philadelphia.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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