photo via Blueberry Morning
Did you know, ladies, that when you reach sexual climax, 80 out of all 80 different regions of your brain ALL hit maximum activity? As seen on MRI scans performed on masturbating women at Rutgers University, your brain on orgasm looks like a cracked out, brightly lit and twinkling Christmas wreath. Therefore, posit the scientists involved (and ABC News – how ironically, I can’t tell) – our womanly orgasms are “all in our heads.”
So what do our brains look like when we’re faking it? Doesn’t seem like any research is being done to that point.
The fact remains that most women don’t orgasm most of the time via sexual intercourse. The compelling 2010 documentary, ORGASM INC, addresses how statistics on female sexual ‘satisfaction’ were blown out of proportion by Big Pharma in a research race to develop the “female viagra.” It turns out, female viagra doesn’t really work, because even if you send blood flow to a woman’s genitals (ala male viagra), you’re still not solving for the x-factor that the female orgasm itself seems to be a brain activity.
On some level, I totally buy all this. As I wrote in The Frisky, my first orgasm occurred after weeks of foreplay and mental relaxation with the boyfriend I’d been having sex with for months (without realizing that orgasms even existed for women). ‘Coming,’ for me, was definitely an exercise in letting go of my normal, rigid cognitive function and letting my brain waves drift elsewhere. For the first time, I allowed desire to consume my head and my heart and – oh yeah – down there, and so I came. You can read the details in my piece HERE.
You can also (unscientifically) explore any and every kind of orgasm O-Face on Beautiful Agony, HERE.
If it’s true that our womanly capacity for orgasm is largely mental – then it seems like over-thinking the process with legions of doctors, studies, news articles, explanatory notes and solicitous advice (buy vibrators!) – will only create more brain clutter and probably not be that helpful for the average gal trying to get off.
Furthermore, who cares about coming (or not) via sexual intercourse? As with any kind of sexual exploration, in my opinion, it is a worthy goal to explore and work towards with a partner. (I’ve done it! It feels great!) But I simply can’t believe there is anything wrong with a woman who can’t or doesn’t come during sex, or maybe prefers most of the time to climax in other ways – aka, IT’S A LOT EASIER TO COME VIA ORAL SEX, SO GET DOWN THERE, DUDE.
If you ask me, the scientific and cultural obsession with “coming during intercourse” is a thinly veiled way for the (let’s face it) male-dominated sciences and media to justify the existence and continued use of the penis. Are Men Necessary? Maureen Dowd asked in her classic bestselling book. Nope, not for getting off, the vast majority of women will tell you.
So, back to our brains. If we tune out the hand-wringing externalities surrounding us and tune into what arouses us (hi, Taylor), I think we’ll all be closer to fulfilling our erotic potential. Each one of us women is unique, complex, and so desirous both physically and emotionally that I think the modest goals of science and society pale in comparison to each of our capacities for explosive, profound feeling.
If women aren’t coming during sex as much as we ‘should,’ then WTF is wrong with the men we’re having sex with? Let’s slide them under the scrutiny of the MRI. Or better yet, send them off to boot(y) camp.
via ABC News
via Orgasm Inc
via Beautiful Agony
Rebecca Coale - aka Becky - is a writer, musician and producer. She and childhood best friend Jessica Donalds created Dating & Hookup and founded J&R Creative Media. Becky blogs about love poetry and modern life & womanhood. She lives with her husband, Howard Coale, and their family in Manhattan and Philadelphia.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
Follow Dating & Hookup on Instagram
Follow Jess on Instagram
Follow Becky on Instagram
Follow me on Twitter