By popular demand– and on the verge of a sure-to-be-ambiguous-interaction-filled weekend – it’s time to talk about the Play-Non-Date!
Remember the Non-Dates? I’m sure you’ve been on a few since we last talked about them, so here’s a quick refresher:
DISCLAIMER: Despite the prevalence of Play-Non-Dates, I’d like to officially shoot down (and then never speak of again) the popular claim that we are The Hookup Generation. Thanks to a cultural overdose of women stripping for the “Girls Gone Wild” cameras and publicly discussing their love of porn, most modern women – and based on my research, a surprising number of men – have figured out that The Age of the Hookup was not the promised land of personal liberation and multiple orgasms that we had hoped for.
Having experienced the booty call text messages and underdressed walks of shame, us ladies can now feel comfortable proclaiming that we still want many of the same things that women have wanted from the storied days of Shakespeare to the summer nights of Grease. We want FUN, we want ROMANCE, we want LOVE. Of course, we still want hot sex and mind-blowing chemistry, but that’s not ALL we want. And anyone saying otherwise is still living in 2005.
Anyway! Glad we got that covered. Moving on to…
Despite your plan to stay in and finally catch up on The Office (can’t believe you missed the Jim and Pam baby episode!), your friend convinces you to meet her and some friends at a bar across town for “just one drink.” You’re reluctant to change out of your pajamas and refrigerate your order-in Thai food, but it’s been a while since you’ve hung out with her, so off you go.
After settling into the bar booth with your vodka tonic, you say your hellos and start chatting up Sean, your friend’s friend-of-a-friend who is sitting next to you. He’s funny and cute, and four vodka tonics later, everyone is heading home and you’re both deciding that you should share a cab because…you can’t really remember why, but it sounded like a good plan! Next thing you know, you’re making out in the cab and agreeing to, uh, check out his apartment.
You hook up (make of that what you will!) that night and are surprised to find yourself having a really fun conversation with him before you leave the next morning. You’re prepared to consider this a one night stand, but a cute text conversation a few days later leads to another rendezvous, this time including a pre-hookup drink where you talk about your jobs, friends and favorite Office episodes. This happens a few times – you have harmless but entertaining text convos during the week, which lead to weekend hookups that are preceded or followed by food and/or conversation. But the hookups are clearly the main event, as there is no pre-existing friendly or romantic dynamic between the two of you.
You’d think of this as a booty call, since there are no promises of exclusivity or dating statuses and no one is talking about feelings or whispering sweet nothings. But you’re also consistently texting in between hookups, and you kinda, sorta feel like you’re actually getting to know him pretty well. Maybe you’re both just taking it (emotionally) slow? Or are you simply a delusional booty call?
Reasons that The Hookup Handbook won’t be able to walk you through this situation:
You don’t feel the need to stealthily sneak out of his bedroom in the morning, a ball of messy hair and melted makeup.
His roommates don’t look confused when you show up at his apartment for *gasp* a second time.
You don’t feel like you’re breaking any rules if you text him before 11pm.
You’re sure that he’s seeing other girls, but you’re pretty certain that none of them are your roommates or siblings.
You’re sober enough to remember most of your time together.
So what’s a girl – who respects herself but also enjoys some fun – to think?!
Jess is the co-creator of Dating & Hookup, alongside her childhood best friend Becky Lynch, and is the author of the book - yep! - Dating & Hookup. She never tires of hearing your post-dating stories. She wants you to enjoy your love life, and is full of advice on how to do so.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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