Charlie suggested a threesome in our very first conversation.
Since then, the topic has come up several times (so has a foursome, and a fivesome…what can I say, the boy likes to share – gold star for him). As he puts it, Charlie wants to have either “the good kind” or “the better kind” with me. I’ll leave it to you to decide which is which.
I told him early on that a threesome was a relationship-level step for me, and he was very respectful of that, although it hasn’t stopped him from mentioning it from time to time. But this possibility, and the actual reality of non-monogamy, has really made me think.
I had sex* (*I define sex as all the things that two or more consenting adults may do to one another that could, when done right, result in orgasm – I am challenging your heteronormative presuppositions here!) with Charlie on our first “date.”
We met with the intention of hooking up, and there was no pretext or ambiguity about our intentions. We got together at a coffee shop, sized each other up, ordered our drinks in to-go cups, and got in his car to head to my apartment. As I put on my seat belt, I offhandedly said, “You’re not a serial killer, right?” Charlie responded, “No, but if I was, you’d be fucked.” We both laughed and were off.
When I decided to leave the stability of my career and the comfort of my home for the uncertainty and impermanence of graduate school in a new city, it was hard to admit whether I was running towards or away from something.
I had spent two-ish years getting my heart repeatedly smooshed by someone who didn’t want to commit to me, but wanted to keep me around. At times, it was wonderful (“I love you, you’re beautiful”), at others, it was downright abusive (“You’re disgusting and smothering me”). I was convinced this was it, and that no one aside from him would ever want me – in part, because he regularly said so.
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