Some people, I have heard, have recurring dreams. My own subconscious is nowhere near as consistent as that, but what it does do is periodically offer up a new variation on some previously-explored, and generally terrible, recurring theme. The theme that’s resurfaced every couple of years throughout my adult life: Terrible Ruinous Decision with Appalling Consequences.
When I was younger, it was a little more abstract. I had a couple dreams that I had taken up smoking, and was addicted to cigarettes. Then there were one or two pregnancy dreams, from which I awakened in full heart-crushing panic until I remembered that my uterus was most definitely empty.
But since falling in love with, and now marrying, this absolutely lovely man, the nightmare has occasionally reappeared in a highly specific form: that I have cheated on him. Now, let me be clear: I never have. Never would. Never will. But I guess my subconscious wants to remind me that I really shouldn’t so much as consider it, because in each of these dreams, the sensation is the same: confusion (“why am I doing this?”), followed by recognition of consequences (“he is never going to forgive me, and I have lost the love of my life”), all polished off with a chaser of annihilating regret: “that was the worst mistake I have ever made in my life, and I can never undo it.” The only good thing about it is being able to wake up and realize he is still all sweet skin and long eyelashes right next to me, still loves me, and in fact I have NOT done anything terrible to him and never will.
So the best part about this latest dream? As I was standing in the shower that morning, washing my hair and basking in the overpowering sense of relief, the man himself marched into the bathroom, flipped up the toilet seat and announced, “Last night I had a dream about pooping!” In HIS dream, he needed to use a restaurant bathroom to poop, only the bathroom had no stalls and was crowded with people who stood around watching him. And the only available toilet paper was damp with a substance of ambiguous origin. This was his nightmare.
I honestly think I would trade him any day.
Thanks to KoS for the image!
Bethany Chase is a Brooklyn-based interior designer and writer. She blogs about love, writing, and life as an A-cup at https://itsbetterwithbangs.blogspot.com. Goose her on Twitter @mbethanychase… she might goose you back.
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