Men: there’s confidence and there’s cockiness. It can be hard to figure out which one is which. It can be hard for women too. But please, do not have this mindset.
Sometimes I read something on a guy’s dating/pick-up blog and think, “Wait, what? This is a joke, right?” This was one of those times. And so is this:
There I was, sitting across from him: A 6’2” Swedish guy with shades and more swagger than you could shake a stick at. We were grabbing a beer, discussing thoughts on life, women, and his plan to spend months in the Bahamas working on a boat. We started picking each others brains when I asked,
“How do know when you should approach a girl or not? How do you know she even wants to talk to you?”
He sat back, smiled, and let out a chuckle. “It’s always the right time to talk to her. Why? Because every girl wants me. If a girl makes eye contact with me, smiles at me, or whatever, she’s into me. It’s that simple.”
What? What? No. No. No. No. No for everything he said but also for the idea that I may wind up sitting next to someone like this guy.
I probably already have sat next to this guy at some point. We all probably have.
It goes on:
It never helped me to question a girl’s interest before even meeting her. All it did was make me miss out on opportunities and regret it later on. His words hit me hard and it was a huge turning point for me. From then on, I was going to assume every girl was into me unless stated otherwise.
Think about guys like “The Situation” from Jersey Shore. He walks into clubs like he owns the place and gets girls flocking to him. He’s fearless and therefore wildly attractive to women. Most importantly, he goes out with his friends to enjoy himself and isn’t standing on the sidelines psyching himself out.
Where does one begin?
1. It’s a decent human thing to do to question someone else’s feelings instead of putting your own selfish desires first. Did he skip this day in kindergarten? Was he spacing out when Elmo went over this shit on Sesame Street?
2. “The Situation” is attractive to no one. At least no women that I know. The women I don’t know who find “The Situation” attractive can have him. Forever. Preferably kept in a locked room.
There’s confidence and there’s cockiness. I get what the writer of this post is going for — the dude at the bar who gave him this advice, however, is too far gone — but I can see that the guy is trying to take this notion of going through life with confidence above anything else. He’s not really getting it though. Especially because he keeps saying, “so money”.
If you assume that every woman likes you, for no particular reason, you are going to be known as “that creepy dick at the bar.” Maybe we’re not even looking at you. Maybe we’re just trying to get the bartender’s attention. Maybe it’s clear that we want to be left alone because we’re looking at our phones. Just let it be, man. You don’t have to have every girl to like you. If we seem receptive, sure, approach us. But not with the attitude of the Swedish guy.
You know what? You know what the most important thing is? Be respectful, be kind, be somewhat attractive.
Image by Ralph Crane for Life Magazine.
You can read more of this dude’s blog here.
Almie Rose is a writer from Los Angeles. She has a blog, Apocalypstick. In addition to Dating & Hookup she also writes for Hello Giggles, The Frisky, Thought Catalog, and Genlux Magazine. Her book, I Forgot To Be Famous, is out now. You can follow her on twitter @apocalypstick. Her favorite pastime is eating and drinking and sleeping and then eating again.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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