COOL. OPENS ON ARNOLD AND SYLVIA FIGHTING. WHO CARES. Don hears them from the elevator and then creeps away like a weirdo.
Now SCDP and Peggy’s company or whatever are merged. It happened so quickly? How are they all in the same building already? How is there enough room for everyone? Okay, I guess there isn’t enough room for everyone because the secretaries are crying about how everyone in creative won’t be able to fit into the same room. Joan tells everyone to cool their jets.
I’m so glad that Peggy and Joan can talk together again! I HOPE THEY BECOME BESTIES AND BRUSH EACH OTHER’S HAIR AND TALK ABOUT BOYS TOGETHER. There needs to be a more magical relationship between the two of them.
The old guy in charge of SCDP is reading something about how the merger was great. Everyone is like, “Wooooooo.”
Pete’s late to the meeting and it’s full, so he starts crying about how he doesn’t have a chair in the meeting room because he sucks. Get the fuck ovvvvver it, Pete. Damn.
Whenever they have a meeting on this show I have no idea what’s going on.
IS THIS EPISODE GOING TO SUCK? I want more PLOT. I think this is going to be an episode with a lot of longing looks and like, people sighing and being wistful.
Don’s stupid mistress is calling him at the office and she’s like, “Wah, wah, come over, I feel like being sad. I need you.” He sets up a time to meet her at a hotel but OH MY GOD HE ALMOST SEEMS CONFLICTED!!! WHAT A CHANGE OF PACE FOR DON.
Oh, JK. He is in the hotel room and forcibly making out with Sylvia, so guess he’s not too sad after all. Kissin’ her on the bed in his trench coat. Big whoop. He’s all like, “Tell me how you need me,” and she’s like, “K.”
Margarine meeting at SCDP! “Margarine is yellow. It has no smell. It was made in the war because it never goes bad.” That exactly sums up all the reasons I hate margarine. Except it smells like plastic when you melt it.
Don is being his weirdo self and making Sylvia crawl around and look for his shoes after he’s done with her at this hotel. And now she is putting on his shoes for him. And now he is making her get undressed again. I’m pretty sure he’s going to murder someone soon (her?). He is like, “DO ALL MY THINGS I SAY.” IT’S LIKE HE DOESN’T EVEN ENJOY IT. HE’S JUST STARING AT HER FROM AN ARMCHAIR!!!!! He just told her not to go anywhere or to leave the hotel because he’ll be back eventually. He’s definitely going to send in a murderer. Sylvia gets under the covers and is looking like she’s totally turned on but girl, c’mon. Poor Don is taking control in the only place he can – THE BEDROOM.
Oh no! Don missed the margarine meeting! Ted is totally pissed at him because he’s like, “You can’t be 40 minutes late, idiot.” Don is like, “Oops.” Don calls Sylvia and he’s like, “You’re going to wait there, and you won’t know when I’m coming back. Don’t answer the phone again.” EXCEPT NOW HER PHONE IS RINGING AGAIN. BUT SHE DIDN’T ANSWER BECAUSE SHE’S MASTURBATING! AND SURPRISE! IT WAS DON! Wowee.
Now Don’s chuggin’ whiskey or something with Ted, Peggy’s boss dude who I kept forgetting the name of until 2 seconds ago. They’re having a belated margarine meeting. Also, I don’t understand how all these old guys drink all this liquor and don’t fall asleep.
Pete’s still crying about not having a chair. He has to pick up his mom or something. IDK. Whatever. Now I feel bad because Pete’s mom is kind of senile.
Don and Ted get drunk and make a margarine commercial idea. It involves a farmhouse or something.
Don sends Sylvia some HOT ‘N SEXY LINGERIE. Or maybe it’s a dress. Oh, I guess it’s a dress. Fun.
Joan is barfing in her office and the handsome new-ish dude, Bob, accidentally sees her and is like, “We gotta get you out of here!” and helps her out. He takes her to the hospital and charms the receptionist nurse into taking a look at Joan. WHAT A HERO! I’m totally into this square-headed dweeb.
Oh, just kidding about the drinking. I guess old guys do get tired because Ted just passed out on top of a table in the margarine conference room. Peggy is like, “Girl, get up.” But he doesn’t get up.
Don is back with Sylvia in the hotel room. She’s all dressed up in the dress he got her. Poor her thinks they’re going somewhere. He’s like, “You are for me. You exist in this room for my pleasure.” And Sylvia is like, “Cool, maybe I made a gigantic mistake.” But then she takes off her dress like he is telling her to. IDG WHAT DON’S DEAL IS. IF I WERE SYLVIA I’D BE LIKE, “BYEEEEEEEEEEEE.”
Pete’s being a dick to his mom.
Peggy yells at Don for getting Ted drunk, basically. She’s like, “I wanted him to rub off on you, not the other way around.” And then Don pouts under his desk because everyone isn’t paying attention to him for once.
DON AND TED ARE FLYING A TINY PLANE! IN THE RAIN! Well, Ted is flying. Don is sweating because he’s so nervous. They’re on their way to a special meeting with someone (Mohawk?), and they left Pete behind because he was too busy taking care of his mom. Ted is all up on Don’s business but Don’s like, “I don’t need to say anything in this meeting because you’re the guy who flew up his own plane,” and Ted smiles like, “Yeah, I finally figured out how to be cooler than you.” Payback for Don getting him wasted, I guess.
WAIT, IDK WHO THIS SQUARE-HEADED GUY HELPING JOAN IS but he seems so nice. He comes to her house after she’s home from the hospital to drop off a football for her useless baby. Will Joan finally have someone nice?! I hope he’s nice. She tells her mom he’s too young but guess what, Joan? WHO CARES! GO FOR IT! YOU’RE THE HOTTEST LADY IN THE OFFICE, PROBABLY! Oh yeah, and Joan was throwing up and in the hospital because she had a cyst on her ovary.
Pete’s gonna lose his marbles because he just got back to the office and realized Don and Ted left without him. Whatever, I hope he has a heart attack. He deserves nothing.
Don finally goes back to see Sylvia at the hotel, but at this point it’s been like, 12 hours so Sylvia is like, “BYE, DON. WE ARE DONE HERE!” And Don is like, “No.” But he loses that argument and they leave. I think Sylvia had enough time to think about how ridiculous Don was being and she needed to get out. She tells him she had a dream that he died on his little plane ride and Megan cried on her shoulder, and then she went home and had sex with her hubby. Don is like, “That means you missed me,” and she’s like, “Oh, honey. No.”
TAKE THAT, DON.
At the very end of the episode, they show the news of Kennedy being shot, and Megan watches on the bed, crying, while Don sits behind her like, “Wow, my life is probably so much worse, and everything must revolve around me or I will die.” And then he pouts some more because everyone isn’t obsessed with him anymore.
On the next episode of AMC’s Mad Men, nothing makes sense.
Katie is a 25-year-old blogger who lives in Philadelphia, PA. In her free time you can usually find her sobbing over mid-'90s teenage dramas or writing for Winebibber.wordpress.com. Add her on Twitter @KTGL.
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