Lady Gaga’s worn head-to-toe fur and head-to-toe meat but it turns out that the weirdest thing she could wear is absolutely nothing at all. (“Nothing at all! Nothing at all! Nothing at all!” Damn you, stupid sexy Flanders.) Seeing a naked A-list world famous pop star is something that hasn’t been done since Madonna, so naturally, Gaga’s going to do it. She does it for art, as when she worked with legendary performance artist Marina Abramović, and she did it for magazine shoots, as in the current issue of V magazine. She has a great body. And when she doesn’t, don’t worry, you’ll know about it. God forbid our female pop stars get fat. For everything that Gaga has said, done, written, and yes, even wore, her biggest concern is that none of it will matter if people think she’s fat.
In a recent interview with Ryan Seacrest, Gaga said, “I do fear at times that if I’m not in shape, people will talk about that and not my music.”
Her fear is unfortunately confirmed many times over. When she’s fat, she’s criticized (photos of Gaga at her higher weight were posted on The Superficial with the title, ”I Think Lady Gaga Beat That Eating Disorder”) and when she’s thin, she’s accused of “sucking it in.” Has anyone ever said this about Justin Timberlake? Or Kanye West? Have we ever seen a headline that said, “Looks like Robin’s gotten a little too THICKE!!!”?
And the thing is, I like “fat” Gaga. “Fat” Gaga is my body type. “Fat” Gaga is a version of skinny-fat; it’s being thin but not toned. It’s being “thick.” It’s whatever you want to call it that isn’t a figure like one of Leonardo DiCaprio’s supermodel exes. If you’ve got a supermodel body, woohoo for you. Yes, you are “a real woman.” No, you shouldn’t feel bad. Do not feel that anyone is ganging up on you. There is nothing bad about having your body at all. That’s kind of the problem. Your figure is the ideal. So when anyone, especially a hugely famous pop star falls short of that, it’s like people want to have her killed.
Gaga gives us so much else to talk about, too. I could talk endlessly about her music, about how I wished it sounded as interesting as her various personas. How I love pure pop music but her Roxy Music pre fame (and pre The Fame) era days were better. I could talk about Gaga’s music like a pretentious asshole for at least an hour.
But show me a photo of her where she looks “fat” and I’ll secretly be relieved. And I’ll pray that she keeps her body that way and in as little clothing as possible until people put down their goddamn pitchforks say, “Actually, this is awesome. Thank you, Gaga. Thanks for taking one for the team. I feel better about my own tummy now.”
Photos: The Superficial via WireImage
Almie Rose is a writer from Los Angeles. She has a blog, Apocalypstick. In addition to Dating & Hookup she also writes for Hello Giggles, The Frisky, Thought Catalog, and Genlux Magazine. Her book, I Forgot To Be Famous, is out now. You can follow her on twitter @apocalypstick. Her favorite pastime is eating and drinking and sleeping and then eating again.
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