What did your family fight over at Thanksgiving dinner? If the answer is “Transphobia in the gay community and questions of when, if ever, it’s ok to out someone” then you were probably at the same party I was. If not, allow me to share the finer points of this debate, and maybe next year you’ll find yourself discussing gender and sexual identity issues as your dinner digests and the wine really starts flowing.
This year was the first time in 29 years I didn’t spend Thanksgiving with my family, but like many millennials living in an adopted city who grew up watching Friends, I have discovered that a group of wacky peers can be just as good. So, I spent Thanksgiving singing karaoke at my coach’s house with her family and any teammate who couldn’t travel home (including one Brit who was thoroughly confused by our holiday, but enjoyed the pie all the same).
Somewhere around 1:30 am, as the last of the people with a designated driver left and those of us too inebriated or sleepy to drive were about to turn in, the conversation turned to a discussion of a night that I had missed over the summer. Then, before anyone had any idea how it happened, we were screaming at each other about pronoun usage, political correctness and tolerance. Funny, because my conservative Uncle Jerry* wasn’t even there.
Sometimes I think it’s hard for people to believe that there is prejudice and hierarchy within the LGBT community. Even the term LGBT is meant to define us all by the unifying factor that we are not gender or sexually normative. We have been encouraged to ban together against the rising tide of hate, and help the rest of the world understand that we are just like them.
I hate internet dating. Internet dating forces me to make choices I’m just not ready to make. I have to decide how to describe my 5’11” frame, built for carrying milk long distances or playing rugby, as full-figured or curvy. I have to decide if my hair is dark-blonde or light brown, if that picture from my birthday two years ago is too old to still be accurate, if I care if someone is religious or went to college…
But the worst part about internet dating, is I have to choose if I want to date men or women.
Yup. The dilemma of the modern bi-sexual…who am I looking for? I have to make a choice. Before my LGBTI comrades in arms get all uppity…I am NOT saying I am choosing to be gay or straight…I am saying I have to choose which sexuality to identify with, since most dating sites are not down with the Kinsey scale.
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