What if you ordered something really delicious and your date ordered something very average and you feel bad for them but at the same time you’re just full of disgust and annoyance, because why the hell would you order anything but melted cheese on top of something?
What if you were on a dinner date and suddenly someone came up to you and said, “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MICHAEL BUBLE!!!” and Michael Buble was behind you playing a piano and you were like, oh this is cool, and then you go to a bar after your date and then the same person comes up to you and says, “LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MICHAEL BUBLE!!!” and Michael Buble was behind you playing a piano AGAIN? I think that would be too much. Am I wrong?
And then let’s say you’re at this bar, and Michael Buble is playing, but you don’t really care about his music, but your date does. Which one do you ignore? Michael Buble or your date?
What if you just don’t fucking feel like putting the accent on the “e” in Michael Buble’s last name?
What if you never find the person who wants to do happy hour with you? What if you invite them to happy hour and they say yes, but they don’t believe that happy hour starts at 3 PM? What if they think it doesn’t start until 5? Or 6? What the hell will you do then? Are you even thinking about stuff like this? You should be.
“American Cyanamid, Girl & Lamb” by Nickolas Muray from George Eastman House Collection via Flickr.
Almie Rose is a writer from Los Angeles. She has a blog, Apocalypstick. In addition to Dating & Hookup she also writes for Hello Giggles, The Frisky, Thought Catalog, and Genlux Magazine. Her book, I Forgot To Be Famous, is out now. You can follow her on twitter @apocalypstick. Her favorite pastime is eating and drinking and sleeping and then eating again.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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