I get it. Online dating is stressful. When you don’t have someone else’s physical face in front of your physical face, it’s hard to get a read on what’s going on in their weird, strange, little mind. It makes you uncomfortable; it makes you insecure and, most of all, it makes you IMPATIENT.
I understand it, I do. But still. If I get one more goddamn pathetic second message within 48hrs of first contact, I am going to find a way to explode the universal mainframe* of OkCupid so that every man registered on the site has an immediate malfunction on their laptop, tablet, and/or smart phone which causes the device to spontaneously combust.
Human beings are BUSY. OkCupid is INCONVENIENT. And sometimes, a person might want to take the time to answer a message thoughtfully. That means if I don’t respond to your message within the first 48 hours, all hope is not necessarily lost! I might be putting a pin in it and spending actual time looking at your profile, flipping through your photos, comparing our answers to inane questions, thoroughly re-reading your message, and composing a well-planned, intelligent response. That well-planned, intelligent response goes flying out the window when I receive this:
“Guess I scared away another one…What a shame, this one seemed pretty cool.”
“Was I that bad?”
“cold shoulder, eh? that’s cool, I guess…[sic]”
Those are all real responses I’ve gotten from men on OkCupid who decided I was taking too long responding to their messages. Hey, real-life-men: if we are interacting in person, or even via text, and you pull some shit like this, I will probably literally or metaphorically punch you in the arm. Just because my pace doesn’t match your expectations does not mean I deserve to be guilted for not being super on top of communication from a STRANGER.
Just because I’m putting myself out there on a dating site does not mean every message deserves an immediate response. If I responded to every message I received within a couple of hours, I would never do anything but respond to shitty messages and accidently appear to pursue a million dead-end relationships. I’m really popular on OkCupid, you guys. It would be a big ole pile of constant dating paperwork.
Because of all that, I take time to read through my messages, and curate responses to those that A) seem legitimately human, B) are grammatically correct, and C) aren’t an immediate proposition for sex. We’re in really rough shape if I have to tell you to give me some digital space before we’ve even physically met.
Therefore, if you want to see my physical face with your physical face and, maybe eventually build and develop a meaningful relationship based on understanding and trust, I’m begging you to just chill the fuck out for a minute. If you don’t send a dismissive second message, there’s still a possibility I may message you back.
Then again, I probably won’t. OkCupid is the worst.
* I am incredibly aware that this is probably (definitely) not a real thing. Don’t care, still gonna find a way to do it, even if I have to invent it myself.
Jen Kleinrock is the Social Media Editor at Dating & Hookup. She lives in Los Angeles, but was reared in Nashville, Tennessee, where you always hear Country Music whether you're downtown, at the mall, at the gynocologist, at the park, in the bathroom, behind the fridge, or up on the roof. Moving to LA meant she could finally take out her earplugs. And the whole world rejoiced.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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