Jeremy Irons has some very interesting, possibly warped opinions on marriage. He raised many an eyebrow when discussing legalizing gay marriage on HuffPost Live, saying, “Could a father not marry his son? It seems to me that now they’re fighting for the name [marriage instead of union]. I worry that it means somehow we debase, or we change, what marriage is. I just worry about that.”

At first his comments seemed incredibly homophobic until I watched the rest of the interview and realized that, no, Jeremy Irons isn’t homophobic — he’s just fucking insane. At the end of the interview it seems as though he’s about to redeem himself by summing it all up with, “Everybody who’s living with one other person the best of luck in the world, because it’s fantastic.” The interviewer, with so much grace and mercy, tries to let Irons end his interview on a good note, by adding, “Spoken like a happily married man.” Irons then makes this face:

Yes, that is the face of a man about to say something very stupid. After a great pause, he says, “…yeah. And also a man who has a dog that he loves.”

Was he joking? He then laughed. But I think he wasn’t joking, I think he actually believes it. Here’s why: Jeremy Iron’s views on marriage, gay or straight, and on women especially, are diabolical. He’s like Sterling Archer but older, creepier, and oh yeah, not a cartoon.

In an interview he gave with Radio Times, he said, “If a man puts his hand on a woman’s bottom, any woman worth her salt can deal  with it. It is communication. Can’t we be friendly?” Ah yes, the ole Sean Connery/James Bond slap on the bottom school of thought. Lovely. He tried to later explain that statement with, “I love touching. I always touch people.” Where the hell is this man’s publicist?

Now let’s talk about his marriage. His marriage that in no way “debases” “what marriage is”. Irons has been legally married to actress Sinead Cuasack since 1978.

They have an “open” marriage. Open in the sense that he cheats on her and passes it off as being okay by saying, “no marriage is what it seems.” Listen up, talking lion, if you want an open marriage, be honest about it, and really have one. Don’t be gross, and don’t use it to justify cheating. But most of all, how dare you talk about the threat of gay marriage “debasing” marriage when you’re the one doing the debasing?

He’s been linked to actress Loles León, who won a lawsuit against the hotel where she and Jeremy Irons were staying after she slipped, fell, and broke her wrist on the way to his room, and he’s also been seen with a Broadway assistant stage manager half his age. Again, that’s fine to do, Humbert Humbert, but not if you’re married. “Part of our nature is to have as many partners as possible,” he’s said. Then why get married? “Sinead and I have had difficult times. Every marriage does because people are impossible. I’m impossible, my wife’s impossible, life’s impossible.” Oh, right, the ole “life is impossible” excuse.

If this works for them, whatever, it’s their life. I think that he’s gross and should be called out on his bullshit gay marriage argument. I think that he’s gotten so used to women willingly sleeping with him that he’s at the point where he feels he can say things like, “I love touching people” and touch people, and then be shocked when one day he touches someone who doesn’t want to be touched back. I think that cheating on someone for decades isn’t cool. I hope I never get to a point in my life where I put up with this kind of behavior in any relationship.

 

Images from Life Magazine for Google Archives, Huffington Post, Celebitchy, Disney Wikia.