I have a Pinterest board titled “WEDDING INSANITY.” I’m obsessed with wedding blogs. At the airport, I’ve been known to buy a wedding magazine…or two. And I don’t even have a fiancé. I have a boyfriend, but we’re nowhere close to wedding blog territory. And I did this even when I was single.
I have my reasons, but who cares, really? I shouldn’t have to defend it. I know I’m not alone. In fact, the New York Times published a piece in which the writer expressed disappointment that single women were planning their dream weddings. Reporter Abby Ellin writes,
[...] even though women may be leaning in, branching out, cracking glass ceilings and forging vibrant careers in multiple sectors, for many of them, it is their wedding day that heralds true success.
To that I say…so what?
Ellin talked to some women who are planning their bid day, despite their single status:
“That night is the gateway to the rest of your life,” said Sami Horneff, 24, an actress and guide with On Location Tours in Manhattan, who has been planning her wedding since she was a girl.
Ms. Horneff has no idea whom she will marry. She isn’t even dating seriously at the moment. But that hasn’t prevented her from plotting every detail of the day, from the color of the bridesmaids’ dresses (champagne) to the floral arrangements (white and pink roses, along with white hydrangeas, lilies and orchids).
She is not alone.
Again, my response is a big fat “so what?” and here’s why.
It doesn’t make you any less of a feminist or of a strong woman to have an ideal notion of what your wedding day will be like, and to even plan for it, because they’re not mutually exclusive things. You can have a Pinterest wedding board and consider yourself a feminist. You can break glass ceilings while picking out bridesmaids dresses. And you can be single while doing all of it.
It’s not hurting anyone. It’s fun. It’s a stress reliever. Unless you’ve completely surrounded yourself in a fantasy world beyond all reality and you’re seriously planning your dream wedding with Jon Hamm and you’re stalking him, you’re fine. It’s fine.
Why do we continue to put women down? Let Sami Horneff plan her wedding. And the writer’s correct: she’s not alone. I’m here with you, Sami. I’m pinning my way towards my dream day. And I don’t see any problem with calling it a “dream day” or looking forward to it, or thinking of it as a “gateway to the rest of your life”, because in many ways, it is. It changes you. Getting married changes you. It doesn’t change everything and I’m not saying it changes you into a completely different person, but it’s gonna change things, and that’s okay.
So don’t have any shame about being single and planning your wedding. Have fun with it. You do you.
Photo by Jason Sussberg via Flickr.
Almie Rose is a writer from Los Angeles. She has a blog, Apocalypstick. In addition to Dating & Hookup she also writes for Hello Giggles, The Frisky, Thought Catalog, and Genlux Magazine. Her book, I Forgot To Be Famous, is out now. You can follow her on twitter @apocalypstick. Her favorite pastime is eating and drinking and sleeping and then eating again.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
Follow Dating & Hookup on Instagram
Follow Jess on Instagram
Follow Becky on Instagram
Follow me on Twitter