It’s A Jungle Out There
Try to not walk away from potential new friends…
Finding the courage to chat with an attractive stranger isn’t always easy, particularly for the wallflowers among us. Luckily, a few people have figured out a way to make these conversations less nerve-wracking. Check out this article at HuffPost Women to learn how to approach anybody with total confidence.
You know how it is. When you meet someone and it’s good and you start dating and you feel like you’re in an indie rom com; that if you looked hard enough, you’d see the director filming you and you’d hear the soundtrack playing over your sunny day, as the two of you walk around your neighborhood searching for brunch and garage sales. And that’s just wonderful.
But there’s downsides, too. It’s all part of the journey. Which reminds, me: don’t stop believing.
Here are the best and worst things about dating someone new. In gif form!
BEST:
There’s still some mystery.
And that’s good because no one knows yet that you spend your free time on the internet looking at wedding blogs. It’s assumed that you have a real life.
You’re not sick of each other.
You could spend the day running errands together and it would be like a magical mystery tour.
I’m eating melted cheese on bread and watching The Bachelorette because when you’re an adult you get to make stupid decisions all on your own, and the lovely bachelorette, Desiree, was telling one of her dates about why she broke up with her ex boyfriend. The issue, Des said, was that he wasn’t upfront with his affections. He wouldn’t tell or show her how he felt. I can understand that.
But then she said, (and I’m paraphrasing), “For example, he wouldn’t say, ‘I love you’ first.” Her date nodded sympathetically.
In a male-female romantic relationship, is it automatically assumed that the man will say it first? Is there something defeatist about a woman saying it before the man does, the same way that it seems odd for a woman to propose marriage to a man? And by the way, why doesn’t the Bachelorette propose? On The Bachelor, the bachelor proposes to one of his two choices at the end of the series. But on The Bachelorette, it’s up to her last 2 remaining choices to propose to her.
I guess the problem is that I’m watching The Bachelorette. Obviously, in “real life” women make those first moves that are traditionally made by men — the first I love you, the proposal — and it’s fine. There’s nothing shameful or wrong in any of it. It shouldn’t matter who says “I love you” first. What should matter is that there is love, and that it’s shared, and present. And yet…
Every major romantic movie we’ve seen has that big moment where the lead male says to the lead female, “I love you” in some grand and/or beautiful way. When he says it, it advances the story. It’s expected.
A woman saying “I love you” first doesn’t mean that she’s weaker, or the guy doesn’t love her as much, or she’s desperate. It doesn’t mean anything like that, and it shouldn’t be grounds for a break-up. So why is it that I can’t think of a single example among my group of friends who said it before her boyfriend did? Maybe because when we saw Princess Leia say it, that handsome dick Han Solo responded with, “I know.” (You don’t have to tell me, “It’s just a movie and actually Harrison Ford improvised that line” — I know.) I haven’t said it first, and honestly I don’t ever plan to. It’s hard enough for me to suggest a restaurant. (Key word though is “plan”. I don’t plan anything and that doesn’t stop life from happening.)
Who said “I love you” first in your relationship? Did it matter?
Photo by Nickolas Muray via Flickr.
Dating kind of sucks sometimes, especially when you do that thing when you think, “Wow, I’ve just ruined everything.” Here are 10 Dating Mistakes People Make. Most of these I have done. No one is alone here.
Monkey see, monkey do: a pretty simple concept. Neely Steinberg, a dating coach, wrote about applying this way of thinking to the dating world for The Huffington Post:
[It] means taking on a persona, faking it until you make it, in a sense. This sort of modeling can influence their thoughts and actions with regard to their experiences in the dating world, and, when used successfully, can ultimately aid them in the creation of new, more positive beliefs and attitudes.
And thus, The Monkey See Monkey Do Theory on dating. I think it’s a fantastic idea, unless of course, the monkey you’re mirroring is is a diabolical self-destructive monkey.
Like this one.
And I think we all do this without realizing it. When we’re unsure of what to do in a relationship or while dating someone, seriously or casually, we ask our friends for their advice and opinions. And sometimes, we even follow them! So here are some of my notable Monkey See, Monkey Do moments.
Dating is hard, not dating is hard, semi-dating is hard, everything is hard, and that’s what she said.
We all have questions about dating. “Why didn’t he/she/scary clown text me back?” “How do I approach people?” “Is this a good photo to put on OKCupid?” and on and on and on until you are so sick of yourself and so sick of everyone else and you’re just tired and want to go home.
I have some ideas on how we can all date better.
1. Always assume you’re paying for dinner/coffee/drinks/tickets to the wax museum. No, this isn’t directed towards men. This is directed towards men and women. Do I prefer if men pay? You bet your sweet bippy I do. I always prefer when people buy me things. But I’m still going to leave the house with enough money (cash, no way in hell am I going to be let Future Drunk Almie run up another $80 bar tab) to cover whatever it is I’m planning to spend it on that night. So by “assume” I guess what I’m really saying is, always have enough money to pay for yourself. Offer to pay, even if you don’t want to, even if it’s just for the sake of being polite. But dudes really, just assume you’re going to pay and we’ll offer to split it, and decline our offer. Ideally.
dahGRAMS
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