It’s looming. Friday night. The pressure is on…to be SOCIAL. Ugh, the worst right? I’ve always said Friday nights were just awful. Feeling the weight of the whole week while you try to down two beers at midnight is insufferable, let alone trying to be adorable for strange men who may or may not talk to you.
I saw this video from NYC comedian Akilah and was immediately all like, YES. A hundred times yes.
Is this you too?
I am a recently single 20-something female. The dating world, as my coupled-up girlfriends like to remind me, is my oyster.
Picture this: a naturally beautiful type glides into a bar, tosses her sweetly auburn hair and smiles–disarming every man in the joint long enough for her to bat her eyelashes and ask for a drink. She’s offered more than she can count, and so she spends the evening giggling and discussing post-Modern literature; nursing her cocktail and delicately swiveling on her bar stool. She’s powerful, and so she has her pick.
I am definitely not that girl.
Instead, picture this: a girl with chronic b*tch face stands with her arms crossed, refusing to let loose and ride the mechanical bull with her girlfriends (because, of course, overtly sexual behavior gives her anxiety). A man approaches her and says, “hey there, sweetheart, can I buy you a–” Before he has time to finish, she spins to face him, batting his hand off her shoulder and snaps, “don’t call me sweetheart, homie. You don’t even know me.” He walks away and warns his friends. The girl pays for all her beers. Of which she can afford only two.
You want to have a romantic date. Who doesn’t right? There’s nothing wrong with that. Nothing wrong with wanting one of those nights that feels like a Disney film starring Audrey Hepburn. But the thing is, you don’t want it to be fussy. You don’t want it to seem like you tried to hard. So what do you do? You follow these tips for how to have a romantic non fussy date.
You want to barely plan. You want an idea, a time, and a place. And that’s it. To some people that sounds like too much; to others, too little. All you need is a time to meet up and a place and an idea of what you’ll do as soon as you see each other. So let’s say you want to meet at the Griffith Observatory. Boom, there’s your place. Now pick a time. Now decide what you’ll do when you’ll get there. “I thought we’d first take a look at the Leonard Nimoy section” — boom, there’s your idea. That’s all you need. Don’t worry about what happens after that. Boom. I like saying “boom.”
Last week, I went out on a first date with a man whom I was genuinely curious about. I’ve known him for five months, on a client basis, and that business relationship dynamic had only recently started to shift. He’s 32 and attractive. He books talent and plays in a band for a living.
The first “date” was over drinks at Pianos on the Lower East Side. The conversation was going well, and it seemed that we were enjoying each other’s company. At times I even thought about kissing him, which only happens about one in every four first dates I go on.
After two beers the conversation shifted to tattoos. He has a forearm band that represents a friend of his who has passed away and a guitar on his chest, plugged into his heart. So, naturally, I asked whether he had any other tattoos. It was about midnight at this point, so the date was coming to an end, when he confessed that his third tattoo was a dragon penis tattoo.
Yes, a man with a dragon penis tattoo!
One of the questions I’m asked all the time, aside from, “Are you drunk?” is, “How do I tell if someone likes me? Like, likes me?”
My answer to this is, “If you have to ask, they don’t like like you.” That’s number one. I know this may hurt, but if someone really liked you, you would know. And if a month passed by and they didn’t make a move, it’s not going to happen.
But some people are diabolically shy, and make this a little harder to figure out. And on the other side are the people who are diabolically clueless who don’t realize if someone is blatantly hitting on you.
So, you want to know how to tell if someone likes you? Here are some hints.
Road trips will test any relationship. Not just the one you have with your partner, husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend. But the relationships that you have with your best friend, your sibling, your parents. Anyone you like in any way that you are getting into a car with for more than 5 hours is asking the question, “How much will we like each other when we get out of this car?”
To me, a road trip is 5+ hours. If your destination is an entire workday away, that’s a road trip. You shouldn’t treat it as a test, but in the back of your mind, if this is the very first road trip you’re taking with someone you’re dating and doing, it’s natural to think of it as a test. I hope this is natural, anyway. Someone want to back me up on this?
Relationships are hard. So hard, that sometimes we destroy them before they even come to be. We’re just so excited about this new person, this new prospect, that we just want to jump to the end where everyone is happy and in love. And in doing that, we ruin the whole thing. If this hasn’t happened to you yet, keep doing what you’re doing and avoid doing these things. And to those who have done one, or some, or all of these things — I feel you. I really do.
Here are 10 things that will end a relationship before it begins.
I have a new guilty pleasure, and it’s not one of the many awful reality shows on TV. It’s a blog/website/art project from two Brooklyn-based designers called 40 Days of Dating. The site is very well done, pretentious, and I just can’t get enough. Here is the premise in their words:
What do you do when you’re tired of the prospect of dating? Two good friends with opposite relationship problems found themselves single at the same time. As an experiment, they dated for 40 days.
Obviously, I am hooked on this idea. There were a few strict rules for the project that included seeing each other every day, weekly couples’ therapy sessions, and journaling the experience each day. Every day from July 10th – August 22nd, Monday through Friday, they release a journal entry from both Jessica and Tim. The journal entries are in chronological order and they mirror each other, so you get two sides of the story for every day of the project. The actual 40 days happened back in April/May, so it’s still a mystery whether or not they are actually together. Bachelor anyone?
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
Follow me on Twitter