Sex toys are great! However, just like yummy little oysters, they don’t suit everyone’s taste. Some folks who have never tried one probably think they are weird, gross and a little slimy. Although if sex toys are for you, you’ve likely run into a situation where you didn’t quite know how to seamlessly incorporate your bullet into your bedchamber without it backfiring.
Dildos, vibrators, handcuffs, strap-ons and anal beads can be necessary tools for women, in particular, to climax. 8 out of 10 women don’t attain orgasm with penetration alone. However, these toys might seem intimidating to the uninitiated. You think about making the introduction between, say, you’re battery operated boyfriend and you’re real life boyfriend, but you can almost see your partner pointing to their genitals and saying “is this not good enough for you?” After 15 minutes of consoling a deflated ego, you tuck your Rabbit back in the top drawer only to be resurrected next week after a particularly steamy episode of Girls while no one is watching. But this isn’t the way it should go, and it doesn’t have to if you follow a few easy suggestions.
Test the Waters: Your first mistake might be whipping out your 10-speed too quickly on an unsuspecting bedfellow. I don’t recommend bringing it out when you are switching between missionary and reverse cowgirl. If you are comfortable having the kind of conversation where you discuss what you want and enjoy sexually, then you go girl! Three snaps for you! Just consider having this conversation before the clothes come off so that you’re both on the same page.
Maybe this conversation is, ahem, a little tough to swallow for you. If that’s the case, you could approach the issue in a variety of exciting ways. Why not have a pre-coital conversation about your secret, sexy desires? Tell your partner about that fantasy where you’re washing all of your lacy panties at a Laundromat one quiet evening when a handsome repairman comes in to fix a leak and you suddenly lock eyes. Before you know it you’re being hoisted onto an old bouncy dryer while he’s kissing your neck and…
Well, you get the point.
Next thing you know, you’re both getting turned on and a little stop at the vibration station doesn’t seem so intimidating.
Lube is Your Friend: Some people dismiss lubricants as a crutch that is only necessary when the job just needs to get done, or they think it’s only for anal sex. BUT WAIT, lube isn’t simply KY Jelly and Astroglide anymore; there are a plethora of options from warming or cooling sensations, to flavors, and different solutions like silicone or water-based. Bring home a lubricant that can arouse both of you and notice the glimmer of excitement twinkle in your partner’s eye. Using lube in an enticing way can be your crucial first step on the way to Toyland.
Make the Introduction: Once you’ve gauged that your partner won’t be petrified at the idea of a little extra bedroom stimuli, it might be a good time to introduce your bed friends to each other. Bring out your favorite top-drawer pal and show your partner how you like to use it on yourself. If they are feeling comfortable and liking where things are going, perhaps let them have control of how it’s being used. Show them where you like it, how hard you want it, what speed you enjoy, then let them play and explore your body with their new pleasure device. Few things are more exciting than having power over your partner’s bliss.
Go Shopping: Maybe you tried to introduce your toy to your partner, but s/he doesn’t feel comfortable with your all-inclusive, swirling, penetrating, vibrating, 18-inch dildo. Fair enough. Open the toy department up to all parties and check out products that stimulate both of you that you can purchase together. Shop in a store if you can — to be certain you’re buying a quality product — or go online for some anonymity. Maybe he would like to try out a masturbation sleeve while you sample a new rechargeable vibrator, or she could want some nipple clamps while you check out some anal beads. There are so many fun things to try, it’s like being a kid in a candy store except you’re a perv in a sex store!
Once you’ve bought your new toys, you’ll be so excited to go home and play with them it will be like slutty Christmas, except everyone will get just what they wanted.
Images via The Woman and Fumanga.
Brynne would be a Certified Sex Geek if such a thing existed. Instead, she is a sex educator with 5 years of research, classroom teaching, family planning, training and condom balloon making experience under her belt. She likes telling people about the time she publicly sprayed spermicide in her face and showing off how she can make an opera glove out of a condom. You can follow her @miss_sex_ed and ask her questions
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