Let’s be real, the first thing people look at or care about on your internet dating profile is your profile photo. Your internet dating photos are like your business cards. I write a lot about dating and the internet and I’ve seen some of the best and some of the worst profiles out there. So here are my internet dating photos dos and donts. Some of these may be personal preferences, but give them a try if you’re not having results and see if things change.

DON’T upload less than three photos. People need  a good sense of what you look like so when you’re meeting up for the first time they recognize you and don’t go up to someone who kinda sorta resembles you (or even worse, is like a better looking version of yourself). Women tend to experiment with different hair and makeup, so ladies, post a few of your different “looks.” For example, when I had a dating profile, I posted a photo of myself wearing red lipstick and not, and photos of myself in glasses and without.

DON’T use your headshot as your profile photo. It’s cheesy, so if that’s not what you’re going for, don’t do it. It’s also misleading because no one looks like a blemish-free, easy going photoshopped version of themselves with professional lighting all the time.

DON’T post any photos of you taking a picture of yourself in a mirror. Even if your face is visible. Just prop the camera against something and set a self-timer. There are self timer apps for iPhones now. Every mirror photo I’ve seen has revealed either a dirty mirror or a messy room behind them or both.

DON’T wear sunglasses. They hide your face. Especially do not use a sunglasses photo as your main photo.

DON’T use a photo of yourself with other people, especially as your main photo, because then who can we tell who you are? Even if you include photos of yourself alone, it can still be hard to tell which one you are in the group, and what if there’s an embarrassing case of mistaken identity when you meet up in person?

DO include a photo of yourself doing something you love (as long as it’s legal.) Got a hobby? Play an instrument? Show us! Fun times. Gives us something to talk about, too.

DO include a less-than-flattering photo in the bunch. I’m not saying include a photo where you look awful or one that you absolutely hate. I’m saying, you want to look better in person than you do on the screen.

DO smile. They don’t all have to be huge grins, and you can throw a non smiling one in there as long as you don’t look like you’re taking a mug shot.

And this should go without saying, but I’m going to say it. DON’T send unsolicited photos. Dudes, we don’t want to see your junk. And ladies, don’t assume that guys always want to see photos of random naked women. It can be really creepy for both genders.

Have fun with the whole thing. I’m telling you, the profiles that have fun with it are the best ones.

 

Photo credit: “Wind blown smiling portrait of English actress Phyllis Calvert during filming of ‘My Own True Love’” by Loomis Dean, 1947, for LIFE via LIFE photo archives for Google.