As I read Megan’s list of dating questions from last week, I couldn’t help but answer all of them in my head. They were all such great questions! Having been an active member of the dating pool for about fifteen years now, I’ve become somewhat of a trusted source for dating advice. So Megan, I have a few answers about dating for you [UPDATE: My boyfriend was reading over my shoulder as I wrote this and got very involved, so the answers have perspectives from a boy, a girl, and a couple.]

 

If you’re an adult, do you have a crush on someone or are you just “interested”? Is the idea of having a crush synonymous with the years of braces, AP Calc exams and prom?

No not at all! As an adult you can both have a crush AND be just interested in someone, and probably at the same time. Being an adult is mega confusing because we have accumulated way more feelings and experiences to make us over-analyze every situation. A crush is when you know someone, think they’re groovy, and want to kiss them on the lips in a dimly lit bar. A crush is something that develops over a long period of time, and typically from afar. Being interested in someone means you don’t think they are heinous, and the thought of dinner/drinks/drunken make out with this person isn’t terribly revolting, but you’d definitely need more information.

 

Is there a difference between flirting and talking? Like when people say, “We’re just talking,” when asked about his/her romantic situation with another person, what exactly does that mean?

Finkle is Einhorn. Einhorn is Finkle. Flirting is talking. Talking is flirting without dotting your “i”s with hearts.

What conversation topics aren’t off-limits or boring or too revealing on a first date?

It’s best to stay away from your irritable bowel syndrome, fat-shaming mother, deep seeded fears about whether or not you can bear children, awful boss, bad roommate situation, credit card debt, insecurities, politics, religion, and your absolutely out of control friend, because the company we keep is a reflection of ourselves personal problems.

Is it okay to refer to my ex-boyfriend as my friend if he’s been my friend longer than he was ever my boyfriend?

If everyone is on the same page as far as how that relationship went down, but you feel more comfortable using friend now, then it’s fine. But make sure your current love interest knows the actual backstory before you move into BFF territory. Otherwise, that could be deceitful.

How much information really is too much information?

Be yourself because you don’t want to end up in a relationship where no one talks about their feelings, but if whatever comes out of your mouth would make you uncomfortable to hear from the other party, you’ve moved into the TMI zone. Abort mission.

 

Do you really “just know” when you meet The One? I mean really, what level of certainty are we talking about here?

If you meet someone and think, “This could really be something.” And after a year there are minimal red flags, the idea of marrying this person isn’t so bone chilling. That’s how you know he/she is marriage material. If you meet someone and instantly KNOW that your life is now signed, sealed, and delivered to a cozy little tri-level home in the suburbs, then you should probably deactivate your OKCupid profile and take a little me time, because that shit is crazy.

At what point are you allowed to hold hands? From the jump? Or just at some point during the first date? Maybe not until the second date? Is this another “you just know” situation?!

If you’re standing close enough to hold hands for a prolong period of time, it’s safe to lace ‘em up.

Are some people really put-off by hand-holding?

Yes, undateable people.

Why do fools fall in love?

Everyone falls in love. Being foolish doesn’t make you immune.
If I don’t drink, how do I convince my date that I truly don’t mind if he drinks? Will he ever believe me?

If you need to convince your date that any of your life choices are valid, it’s time to go home and wash your hair.

 

Is it rude if I open my own car door instead of waiting for the guy to do it?

No. It’s rude if you stand next a car door for too long waiting for someone to do it for you.

Can I be mad if my date is late? How late?

If your date gave you an ample heads up about his tardiness, it should be forgiven. Traffic is shitty, and sometimes you lock yourself out of your car. However, anything over an hour without a good reason is pushing it.

 

What’s a good time for a dinner reservation?

In generally safe to say between 7-8:30pm, but if the tummy is grumbling go for it.

Am I really allowed to just be myself, or do I have to be myself within in the social constructs our society has created around dating?

If you are not completely yourself (most people won’t go full Hannah Horvath) then you are wasting both you and your date’s time. If you scare someone away by being yourself, it was never going to work out.

Is it possible to be single for too long?

Absolutely not. Everyone has their own path that takes an indeterminable amount of time.

What about dateless? Do I have to explain why it’s been so long since my last date?

If someone asks you that dumbass question, please promptly throw your beverage in his face a la Samantha/Richard and leave. That person is a rude moron. If you choose to stay, get more free food, and a ride home, you should call the date out for being rude and move on to a different topic.

My chest is more bony than bosomy. Does this freak guys out? Do I avoid v-necks, or do I showcase my sternum with pride?

Guys like boobs of any shape or size. They will see your chest and think, “boobs, boobs, boobs,” no matter how big your sweater puppies are. Wear whatever makes you the most comfortable, because your confidence will be sexier than DDs.

 

Megan, I hope these answers are adequate. So go forth and date like a pro!

 

Thanks Mashable for the awesome Dr. Ruth photo!