Oh. Matthew Terry. Clearly, whoever is responsible for the Calvin Klein Concept ad during the Super Bowl deserves a medal. Or, at the very least, an enthusiastic “atta boy/girl”! Clearly, they know how to get women’s attention.
Anyway – this post isn’t about whether or not we can come between Matthew and his Calvins; it’s about dreaming. This isn’t as desperate a dream as Fontaine’s, but it’s a modern update to the age old question: how do you know if they’re the one?! We all imagine what life would be like with the person with whom we choose to spend the rest of our lives, the one where we are the perfect versions of ourselves and everyone around us is the best possible person that they can as well. But, I’ve found that the reality is much, much different. Not bad. Just, different.
I was recently reading a great post about the myth of the “dream job,” when one line in particular caught my attention:
…[T]hat’s the trouble with dream jobs, at least the way we conceive them now – they’re less about following our dreams or even about doing work that we love, and more about realizing a vision of success that society has chosen for us.
The revelation in the post is grounded in the “follow your passion” mantra that declares that, if we’re not making money doing something we love then we’ve failed. But, I think this is equally applicable to relationships. Hopefully there isn’t an expectation of financial gain associated with your decision to partner with a particular someone (we are breadwinners after all), but that doesn’t mean that we don’t need to rethink our priorities when it comes to determining a suitable match.
A lot of women (and men) I know have no trouble coming up with their “dream” partner – they know exactly the right mix of physical attractiveness and quirky banter that they think will keep things booming over the course of the next 50 years. IRL, however, other people don’t exist to fulfill random fantasies. They have problems and passions; they are independently functioning humans – JUST LIKE YOU! And they have their own dreams about the person with they thought they would end up.
Don’t get me wrong here – everyone is entitled to know and adhere to a list of “deal-breakers” – the problem is when you think you’ll never be happy because no one measures up to the man/woman of your dreams – now you’re just refusing to live in reality.
In reality, people are just people. They’re not a means to an end – if you’re an unhappy person, you can meet the person of your dreams and you’ll probably still be unhappy. In reality, your significant other should be the person who, even when you want the whole world to leave you alone, you don’t mind having by your side (as long as they don’t talk much and chew with their mouths closed).
We all know that relationships are hard and cannot fulfill you in every capacity – if you don’t know what you want out of it then it’s going to be that much harder to satisfy whatever deep desires you have. But, as a high-order thinker, you are capable of recognizing the disservice you’re doing to yourself by insisting on perfection and figuring out that the guy who makes you salty chicken parm and insists on finding a couple’s sporting event can be just as dreamy as Matt Terry, in his own way.
Thank you Calvin Klein for the raunchy photo!
Valarie is from Georgia. No, she doesn't have an accent. No one in metro-Atlanta really does. You can read her thoughts, using non-regional diction, at thinkingaboutdoing.tumblr.com.
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