Unfortunately, my ending doesn’t really coincide with the Hollywood Hudson-McConaughey ending that we got to watch unfold on the silver screen. Mine actually resulted in what mostly happens in too-soon relationships: I got dumped.
Friends, listen up. I am not afraid to say that I was dumped. And the worst part was? I wasn’t even in my homeland! Talk about culture shock. I blame it all on chick flicks. Stupid Leap Year. Stupid P.S. I Love You.
Stupid every movie, book and television show that taught me that dating a guy with an Irish accent would be cool, romantic, story-book-esque and awesome.
Also, note to self: Just because a guy has an accent does not mean he should be your boyfriend.
Okay, sure, it was fun to say that he was from a different country, but mostly it was full of little fights that were the result of cultural differences (YES it is perfectly acceptable for me to get a gumball at the grocery store and eat peanut-butter on my apple…NO, I don’t like beans on toast), lots of worries because of the distance, and caused me to have a terrible experience with turbulence en route to Ireland, which I will always blame ex-Irish-boyfriend for.
Also, the excuse, “I crossed the Atlantic ocean for you!” gets kind of old after awhile. But hell, when I got dumped, let me tell you I felt incredibly entitled to yelling, “I CROSSED THE ATLANTIC OCEAN FOR YOU!” at his tea-drinking, Wellies-wearing self. But I didn’t. I cried, holed myself up in my guest room and Skyped with my mom and sisters.
Talk about getting dumped. Yikes.
Like, I’m not talking an amicable breakup or even “mutual.” You know when someone is no longer dating someone else and they’re all like, “Oh, dude, it was mutual; it was mutual.” Um yeahhh, I wish it had been mutual and, as soon as I landed on American soil, you best believe I knew it was mutual. But, can I just say how awful it is to have your boyfriend break up with you in Ireland, in his house, then drive back to school twenty minutes later and leave you there while you go back and forth between crying under the covers and reading The Hunger Games and THEN have his father drive you to the airport the next morning?
TALK ABOUT AWKWARD.
This guy-who-shall-not-be-named (I almost wish he had been Voldemort because then, at least, I’d know Hogwarts is real) and I had met working at a summer camp in the summer of 2010. We got along easy enough, and then at the end realized, voila, we had feelings for each other and decided, WHAT THE HELL! Long-distance, shmall-shmistance…it’s romantic! It’s an adventure!! It will be cool to tell all your friends!!
It will inevitably lead to you getting dumped 10 days after you land in Ireland for New Years.
It really sucked – for a little bit. But then, when I was home a day after the break-up, I was absolutely fine. And you know why? It’s because the minute someone treats me like shit, or expresses they are no longer into me, it’s like the whole infatuation/whateveryawannacallit deflates. Part of the attraction to someone is how he or she treats you. And the minute this whole relationship went from Gerard Butler/Hilary Swank to ‘Not Without My Daughter’ style, my breaking heart suddenly mended itself.
What did I take away from being dumped in a foreign country by a guy in 10 days?
1. Don’t rush.
In retrospect, we never should have dated anyway. We were better off as friends because then at least I could still chew gumballs to my pleasure and he could have avoided a crying American in his parent’s house.
2. Travel ALWAYS
Even though the second time I flew to Ireland the entire trip was tainted, I still got to see a lot of a pretty cool country that I no longer want to visit ever, but still liked! Traveling is amazing. Everyone should travel.
3. JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE MAKES YOU FEEL CRAZY DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE CRAZY!
This is arguably the most important thing I learned throughout this whole crazy fiasco that I sometimes like to pretend never happened. Sometimes someone will call you mean things like “manipulative” or “dramatic,” or say something like “you’re like begging me to stay with you, aren’t you?” when YOU simply said “do you want to try and work through this?”
Listen up. DO NOT BELIEVE THESE SILLY LIES. This is like a red flag in a relationship. Sometimes, yeah, you might be a little emotional or dramatic…but that’s LIFE. It doesn’t mean YOU are CRAZY. I hate this! I hate when people make OTHER people feel crazy.
And it’s not just guys making girls think they’re crazy, it can be vice versa too. All I’m saying is that when in a relationship, everyone should own his or her own actions/feelings. After being told I was “forcing” he-who-must-not-be-named to break up with me because I kept asking him, “what’s wrong?” (umm, he ignored me in group settings and wouldn’t look me in the eye for two days???) I realized something. It’s not always me. Sure, I wasn’t the perfect girlfriend. BUT HE WASN’T THE PERFECT BOYFRIEND EITHER. And that’s okay. That’s why we broke up. But it doesn’t mean I’m defective in a relationship. This is important to remember.
4. Listen to your mother
I like this one because I really, REALLY should have listened to her! It’s like moms have this sense that when their daughters are unhappy and scared, they just KNOW the situation is wrong and needs to change ASAP. After one day of being in Ireland I was already on the phone with my mom that night in tears and my mom was telling me to come home. After ten days of being in Ireland, I was hiding in the bathroom on the phone with my mom in tears and she WAS STILL TELLING ME TO COME HOME.
mom: What’s wrong????!
me: He’s being weird! I just wanna come home I actually frowned here people)
me: He ignored me and said I was manipulative.
mom: DUMP HIS ASS! COME HOME! WE ALL LOVE YOU HERE!
mom: Are you crazy? If you aren’t being treated the way you know you should be treated, get on a flight and peace out!
Momma always right.
5. Just because he wasn’t very nice doesn’t mean all guys are like that.
This is the one that is hardest to understand and abide. Ugh. After this experience I wanted to swear off men forever. I wanted to glare at every Y chromosome that passed my way. And I think every girl who is dumped is entitled to this short period of man-hating/bashing time… BUT ONLY TEMPORARILY. It’s actually really healing to sit with your girlfriends and cry and say everything you hate about boys because you know, deep down, you don’t really hate them. You just kinda hate the one that hurt you. There are really, really amazing men out there. Good guys. The Jim Halperts and Tom Hansens of the world.
And, I can speak from my current experience, when you find one that does treat you the way you deserve; it’s just really fucking great.
I’m not a relationship or dating expert. AT ALL. But I really think that with each bad dating experience we have 1. Makes for an interesting story 2. Shapes us as people. You’re not a freak if you get dumped and YOU ARE NOT CRAZY (see #3).
You are beautiful.
You are special.
You are not perfect.
You deserve good things.
You deserve a good relationship.
You shouldn’t obsess over finding love.
You should know that you are worth the best.
After getting dumped in a foreign country by a guy in 10 days, I actually love myself and have confidence in myself even more. I look back and think, ‘Dang girl. That sucks. But dust that dirt off ya shoulders. Ladies is pimps too!” So what if I talk like Jay-Z in my own brain? Also, I don’t think I am a pimp, but I just like saying ladies is pimps too…okay, I digress.
What I’m trying to say is everybody gets dumped. But also, a lot of people fall in love too. And it’s a good feeling to know that someone can hurt you and you can get through it and come out on the other side even better. So let’s just enjoy the ride and remember:
Every girl deserves a Colin Firth a la Love, Actually. Homeboy went to HER homeland.
Nina is a comedy person/writer/assistant living in LA but is really just searching for Narnia! She loves fanfiction, her blind old cat that lives in Philadelphia, and Captain EO. Her writing has been featured on HelloGiggles, The Siren & Converge Magazine.
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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