I figured it out — it’s possible to be friends with an ex. Sometimes it feels like you’ll never get there — there’s so much hurt and pain — but if you really want to, you can. Here’s how to be friends with an ex.
I was never one to bow to the “time heals all wounds” cliché because there are some wounds that time will never heal, but I found at least with my exes, time really did fix a lot. Sometimes you just need something to distance yourself from a situation, and that something is time. It’s great. Once everything settled down, once we both started our “new lives” and got into the swing of things (as they say), time did indeed heal the wounds.
Maybe they’re not ready to be friends yet. You have to be okay with that. You have to let them go through whatever it is they need to go through. Don’t get upset. Maybe your first reunion since you were a couple is going to be awkward. That’s okay. Be patient.
I’m not saying to treat your relationship like it was a joke — I’m saying, apply jokes to your new relationship. You’re friends now. Feel out the other person and see if they’re ready to joke about certain things. Like, for example, maybe you had a certain annoying habit that drove them crazy while you were together that you can laugh about now. Just feel it out.
If you’re serious about being friends with an ex, you’ve got to make it an important relationship in your life. You have to put as much energy into friendships as you do into relationships, to keep it strong and healthy. Make sure they know that being friends is important to you. If you tell them, “Let’s make plans to see each other” then you should actually make plans to see each other. Go ahead and initiate it. Pick a time and a place. Ask if it works for them. Really be the driving force if this is something you want.
What tips do you have for being friends with an ex?
Photo by Santos “Grim Santo” Gonzalez via Flickr Creative Commons
Almie Rose is a writer from Los Angeles. She has a blog, Apocalypstick. In addition to Dating & Hookup she also writes for Hello Giggles, The Frisky, Thought Catalog, and Genlux Magazine. Her book, I Forgot To Be Famous, is out now. You can follow her on twitter @apocalypstick. Her favorite pastime is eating and drinking and sleeping and then eating again.
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