Last week I had a discussion with a friend about what makes a guy attractive. We agreed that maybe—maybe—10% of the world’s population is universally attractive, whereas everybody else is basically open to interpretation based on personal preferences.
“My roommate thinks that girls like him because he’s tall,” he said. “Girls like being with tall guys. I get that.”
“He thinks tall is the key?” I asked. “I don’t know. I’ve liked tall guys, but not for that specific reason. I mean, if a guy was funny and smart, I wouldn’t dismiss him as a dating possibility if he was 5’5” or 5’6”.”
I don’t know that my friend believed me—maybe because he’s on the tall side and wanted to think height gave him some kind of advantage—but the conversation made me think about what women are most attracted to in men.
Researchers and scientists are always trying to solve the mystery of what attracts the opposite sex. I read a recent study that found women preferred men with masculine features because they appear healthier, thus ensuring healthy offspring in the future. (And if that isn’t the most romantic reason for choosing a mate, then I don’t know what is.)
I demand a new law for attractive people: if you are attractive, and you are alone, and someone comes up to you and starts talking to you, and it gets past the polite conversation stage, it is your obligation to stop and say, in a truly friendly manner, “I have a boyfriend/girlfriend.” I just think that this makes sense.
Yes, it is also annoying to speak to someone at a bar or party or zoo to have them say, 45 seconds into the conversation, “I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.” But it’s even worse to talk to them for 45 minutes without knowing. 45 minutes is an exagerration. 5 minutes. 5 minutes is insane. Think about how long 5 minutes is. That gives you enough time to listen to all of “Call Me Maybe” and then blow a monkey. If you’re into that. I don’t give a fuck. Just tell me that you and the monkey are involved before it gets anywhere.
Speaking on behalf of women everywhere, I thought you should know that we ladies—regardless of age, ethnicity, economic status, whatever—are fans of your work. And by “work,” we of course mean your ability to play guitar. We’re fans despite never having heard you play before. Even if you’ve never strummed a chord in our presence, the very fact that you have a guitar (heck, maybe even just a guitar case) is enough to pique our collective interest.
Whether you play electric or acoustic, are self-taught or trained with a rock god, are in a band or just play for fun, NONE OF THIS MATTERS. Not much, anyway. Upon first meeting you, these are all minor details that can be discussed later. Believe us—we’ll ask plenty of questions about your craft in a minute. For now, you are guitar-playing citizens, and that is enough.
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