Hipster guys love small boobs. Some hipster guys even prefer them. This is based on a scientific study done in 2012 in an Urban Outfitter’s in Portland. Kidding. This is all based on anecdotal evidence. If anyone wants to fund a scientific study, I’ll do it.
The Huffington Post posted an article that claims there is a correlation between sexist men and a preference for large breasts. They do point out though that, “the findings don’t mean that all men who find big breasts attractive are sexist.” And this is what I’m saying about my own theory. Not all men who find small boobs attractive are hipsters; and vice versa. Not all. But most.
In the 90′s Kate Moss, like Bambi learning how to walk, tenderly wobbled into the fashion world and like that gunshot that killed Bambi’s mom, changed everything. Her look, “heroin chic” made it very clear that super skinny is in. Calvin Klein really took the reigns from there.
Androgyny became a big thing. At some point it went away. But now it’s back again, and in Pog form! (Sorry, I cannot help making Simpsons references whenever possible.) It’s back in the way that hipsters like what other people used to like but don’t anymore. And when someone picks up on what hipsters like, it spreads. But the hipsters preference for it never really goes away. Hipster dudes of today echo the hipster dudes of the 1960′s who loved Audrey Hepburn’s small boobs. Back then, hipsters were known as beatniks. Or mod rockers. Each hipster generation gets its own Audrey Hepburn. (Or Jean Seberg if you’re really going to be a hipster dick about it.)
So. Some hipster group decided that it was time to bring back the late 60′s, the time after the big boobed Monroes and Mansfields were the ideal. They wanted the wispy Jane Birkin and Francoise Hardy mod look. And the next progression was to resurrect 90′s androgyny. All keeping the ideal of the quirky small breasted woman. Look at the current hipster female favorites: Alexa Chung, Lana Del Rey, Alexandra Richards, and every dark haired girl with bangs around.
(Right now somewhere there are going to be a few people who are annoyed and wanting to comment with something like, “Lana Del Rey is hipster now?” Don’t even deny it! It’s so easy to trap hipsters. Next you’re going to want to call me a hipster in hopes it will insult me. It’s all too easy.)
Anyway. Hipster men want to be as skinny as hipster girls. Maybe even more so. They want to get into our jeans, and I don’t mean sexually. No they literally want to put on our jeans. They desperately want to be George Harrison circa 1969. They reject the idea of Anna Nicole Smith as a beauty ideal. They prefer unconventional beauty in their women. The want their own wide-eyed lithe vintage dress-wearing modestly breasted Audrey Hepburn.
And thank God for them. Because not everyone can have naturally large boobs and not everyone can afford to buy large boobs. If you happen to have naturally large boobs, please don’t take any of this as a personal offense. Again, I’m not saying that all hipster men prefer small breasted women. When you get right down to it, heterosexual men love boobs of all sizes.
Photo of Peggy Lipton in 1970 by Vernon Merritt Iii for LIFE Magazine.
Almie Rose is a writer from Los Angeles. She has a blog, Apocalypstick. In addition to Dating & Hookup she also writes for Hello Giggles, The Frisky, Thought Catalog, and Genlux Magazine. Her book, I Forgot To Be Famous, is out now. You can follow her on twitter @apocalypstick. Her favorite pastime is eating and drinking and sleeping and then eating again.
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