I’d never worn a tiara before. Parading around the West Village with a veil, a garter secured to my leg, a pink sash, and a giant plastic and flashing ring on my finger, I was the image of taken, “till death do us part.”
But I’m not. Single, 20-something, and living in New York, I’m technically still a bachelorette: “a woman who is not married.”
Yet, what separates the bachelorette from The Bachelorette is merely two things: the costume and the story.
Which is why, when one of my best friends overheard on z100 that fake bachelorette parties were becoming “an emerging trend,” it was decided that we must participate.
So last weekend, we did just that. Myself and three of my best girlfriends played the role for a one-night-only affair. We created the night’s itinerary across NYC, set the wedding date, made up the husband’s name, and concocted how we met. But because all of us were wracked with superstition and Catholic/Jewish guilt, we each rotated who The Bachelorette would be at each bar, thus spreading out the karma quite nicely.
So why’d we do it?
To answer one question: How desirable is unavailable?
First of all….let me be crystal clear here.
Whether male or female, the feeling of having your still beating heart bluntly extracted through your rectal cavity with a toothbrush fashioned into a jailhouse style shiv and being left wide awake, disoriented and bleeding out in an ice filled bathtub in a strange room with a note stapled to your forehead that simply reads ‘sorry’ by somebody that once personified your concept of ‘love’ and ‘trust’ is enough to leave either sex curled up, dry heaving in the fetal position to Sheryl Crow’s rendition of ‘The First Cut is The Deepest.’
In short: nobody likes getting dumped.
That said, it is my contention that between the two genders it is men who have a rougher go of an already rough situation.
Strong words I know…especially coming from somebody who pees standing up. But hear me out.
Heather’s article about men needing to man up and cut down on the mixed-message flirting is a smart one, and I agree with what she’s talking about. I agree with her about most things, as she is also something I would describe as “a smart one.” However, feminism as we know isn’t about Women winning the war on Men, it’s about a world where all genitals are created equal, and we can all admit we kinda want to see The Great Gatsby, even though the reviews are terrible, without our heteronormativity coming into question. On that note, as a heteronormative dude, I get confused when ladies cherry pick which traditional gender roles they want me to stick to, and which ones are, not unlike Mr. Luhrman’s film, “a magnificent mistake.”
Hi guys. You might remember me from a previous dah appearance about two years ago, when I shared my experiences dating two girls with the same name. So, okay, you busted me. I’m not really from Sacramento, as I said in that column. I actually live in New York City. I just changed the names and places to protect the innocent! But now, I’m hoping to make these post-dating encounters with you all a more regular experience – by sharing my tales of what single life is like for a nice guy in the greatest city in the world.
I figured we would start today with a topic relatable to all: The Friend Zone.
You often hear about the guy who has no chance with a girl because she has put him in the dreaded “Friend Zone.” We guys have been told that, once you enter that black hole, there is no hope for you. In these situations, the girl holds all the cards – so it is usually best to save your dignity and move on. The harder you try to change her mind, the worse you look.
This is a fairly common occurrence, as the Friend Zone has been ransacking guys’ quest for ass for what seems like generations. However, what you don’t hear about nearly as often is the reverse: a girl trying desperately to break through the friend barrier to land the guy who has been the object of her affection.
DISCLAIMER: I am not a player. I have never been a player. I was a shy kid growing up and have always been more of a “Relationship Guy” than a “Swinging Single”. So before the women reading this post prepare to riot and rake me over hot coals, just hear me out.
Midway through another Sacramento summer, when the calendar flipped from June to July I couldn’t help but think to myself: “Where are all the women?” After all, this was supposed to be the Summer of Love. Like I said, I’m no player, but I wanted to have at least SOME fun while the weather was still nice. Well my friends, as the old saying goes: be careful what you wish for (try to keep up with me here, but picture me talking really fast)….
First, on an early July Wednesday, a girl who used to work with my friend Marty contacted me out of the blue. I had met her months earlier when we were all out one night, but nothing had ever come from it. We ended up talking online for over an hour that night and made plans to go out the following week. Then, that Saturday, I met another girl at a friend’s birthday down in wine country. Numbers were exchanged and another date was set up. That very same night, I met up with my friend Stephanie, who had a friend with her. Let’s just say we hit it off that night and the next morning MORE plans were made. Add two more girls to the fray over the next couple days and suddenly, with five girls in play, my cupboard had gone from bare to overstocked in just one week’s time. Got all that? Sounds tiring, right? Try living it. That’s right kids- dah ALERT!
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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