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First things first: finally. We can all sleep happy for nine more weeks, knowing we have a treat coming every Sunday. Girls is back, and it’s as flawed as ever.
We open with what is basically a flashback to season one, but Hannah is in bed with Elijah instead of Marnie, who is apparently making her dream of self-improvement: “You stay in my bed and we’ll use your bedroom as a home gym.” Meanwhile, Shoshanna is keeping calm and carrying on by burning some sort of wiccan herbs around her room, appreciating her own “keen mathematical mind and fairly fast growing hair” and also asking the universe to “ruin Ray’s life.” Oh, and, her boss totally forgot to mention this, but Marnie’s getting fired. Back to Hannah, who is secretly dating-but-not-dating Sandy (Donald Glover, who is awesome / a great casting choice / has conveniently beautiful brown skin okay Critics are you happy now?). “I’m going to make logical, responsible decisions, when it comes to you,” she tells him, and maybe she even believes it. But when it comes to Hannah and Adam, logic and responsibility go Bye Bye Birdie.
Hannah’s attempts to peacefully extricate herself from her Adam-nursing responsibilities are hilariously thwarted by his determination to keep her around. And by the fact that she feels like it’s her fault he was hit by a truck. But let’s be real, there’s something about Adam that’s undeniably sexy, and I’m not talking about his objective physical sexiness. Am I right, ladies? I can’t be the only person who couldn’t stop myself from smiling at “I came. You came hard. We all laughed.” What an anxiety-free way to look at sex! How sexy is anxiety-free sex?
I mean, sure, Adam peed on Hannah in the shower that one time. Then he did it again in this episode, while she held a bowl underneath his penis and tolerated his poor aim. And yes, lots of women think that’s totally disrespectful and gross, but isn’t it also kind of a little bit… funny? All I’m saying is, in middle school, my first boyfriend told me that girls don’t poop. And I suffered from serious bowel-related anxiety for some time afterwards. Since my anxiety plate is usually pretty full as it is, I’d probably take a repeat shower pee offender over a guy who tells me girls don’t poop. At least Adam isn’t afraid to embrace the realness that is the flawed and sort of gross human body.
“When you love someone, you don’t have to be nice all the time,” Adam says to Hannah, while refusing to let her dump him. This line resonates right through the next scene, where Marnie, trying super duper hard to be tough, is having lunch with her Mom (Rita Wilson). Marnie’s mom calls her “prude-ish” and gives her unparalleled love advice: “Sometimes all you need is a pair of rough hands on your body.” Gosh! Thanks Mom! Now it all makes sense. NOT. Marnie is getting the short end of the stick here, people. Her life sucks right now, she’s trying to express herself about it, she has no idea how to do that, and all her friends just think she’s a bitch! Which she is. But if my mom wanted to be my gossip buddy instead of a mother, I’d probably be helplessly confused and a little bitchy, too.
And then, housewarming party! The Girls writers do oh-so-well with parties, and this one does not disappoint. Shoshanna, first to arrive, walks in holding a bottle of pink alcohol with a pink ribbon around it and tells her friends the place looks a-maze, then launches into a speech saying she’s totally fine re: Ray. Which is why she totally freaks out when he shows up, resorts to singing “Beautiful Girls” on the karaoke machine, then hiding in a corner, holding a blue solo cup to her ear and pretending to DJ, then, unable to handle the crowd, looking for her shiny purse on the bed full of purses. “Pretty bitchin’ cheese plate you brought over,” Ray says to her as he slithers into the room. She stays strong and tells him he doesn’t have to like her and she doesn’t like him either because she doesn’t like people who don’t like her because that is called self-respect. When he admits that, weird emojis aside, he really does like her “beautiful, fresh, vibrant sincerity,” they have one of the best makeout sessions I’ve ever seen on TV, made wonderful mostly by the fact that Ray’s beer is slowly spilling all over Hannah’s floor throughout the passionate kissing.
Meanwhile, Hannah is passing around hostess-y platters of cheesy toast: “The cheese got all hard in the good way,” then getting anxiety about her hostess-y outfit and changing immediately, then telling Marnie she doesn’t really have time to be a good friend right now, because she’s so busy working at Grumpy’s and writing all the time, neither of which we’ve seen her do. Charlie is in a new abusive relationship, and he’s still getting stomped on for trying to be thoughtful. Marnie maybe kind of misses him. Elijah is working the room like a pro until his crazy boyfriend who pays for everything shows up and wants to sing karaoke. Elijah enlists Hannah to kick him out of the apartment, which she does, taking the opportunity to sneak out herself and tend to Adam. Adam says extremely dangerous/seriously unacceptable things like “I’ll die if you go away” to her. Er, honey, those are call 9-1-1 words. But she doesn’t call 9-1-1. She tells him she’s an individual, and she feels how she feels when she feels it, and right now, she never wants to speak to him again. Then she storms out and goes on a quest for a copy of The Fountainhead (excellent choice, Lena), which she finds in Donald Glover’s bed.
As this is happening, Marnie and Elijah are belting out Sarah McLachlan lyrics, lamenting their failed relationships, touching a little bit, and then suddenly having the hottest sex Girls has seen yet… for thirty seconds. Whoops. I would like to note that I enjoyed the small sliver of side boob that I did see, but I also appreciated Allison Williams’s choice to not show us the whole kit and caboodle. It was kind of a refreshing under-share. Not that I’m not impressed by Lena’s bravery when it comes to being naked on TV, but sometimes I find it a bit gratuitous. Regardless, Elijah can’t get into it, he blames it on the way she rolls her eyes, and they immediately start to get dressed. Well, she does. He just holds a pile of clothes over his penis. “You know,” she says “you really don’t have to try to be anything you’re not.” He looks at her coldly. “Neither do you.” I suppose this response gives Marnie license to stop pretending she’s okay, because she’s not, so she crawls into Charlie’s bed. And he lets her.
Last but not least, where’s Jessa? Per her conversation with Hannah over a pre-nuptial pee in last season’s finale, Jessa is feeling like a “real adult” now. She and Thomas John, clearly having gotten over the minor obstacle of, oh, I don’t know, a rejected threesome proposal turned mental breakdown, are now blissfully married, en route home from their honeymoon. We still don’t know what she’s doing with him, nor do we know if he feels like “part of the group” yet. (And yes, I am still holding out hope for a Chris-Allison-Jemima threesome. Plus, Marnie seems like she could use the love right now.)
As usual, Lena Dunham and Jenni Konner did not disappoint. I could not be more excited for the next nine episodes, which I’m sure will be filled with awkward sex, hilarious mishaps, good intentions, and poor choices. Congrats on your Globes, Girls, you deserve them both!
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Grace DeVoll is currently working as an assistant on a TV show about superheroes, and sometimes confusing it with real life. When she isn't pretending she's Wonder Woman, she enjoys making lists, late night adventure-driving, and dressing up like a princess. You can follow her on twitter @offtothegraces, which would really make her day, or learn more about her here.
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