Having a crush can seem pretty intense. Sometimes it feels like a rush of positive energy, while other times it feels embarrassing and unbearable. Why is that? This video from BuzzFeed explains the science behind those feelings.
I know, I know, I’m on a robot kick. But it’s hard not to get obsessed – and to fear for our future as non-automaton-human-women. For example, this chick is “programmed with 65 different behaviors including the ability to hold a conversation, sing a song, walk, somersault, and to kung fu fight.”
BUT – can she cultivate her dah of guys…? I’m afraid to find out.
This adorable rabbit robot from France is called “Karotz,” which sounds like “carrots,” awwwww. It (He? She?) can do everything: wake you up, tell you the traffic, read you your text messages, pull information from your feeds on Facebook and Twitter and much, much more.
BUT, according to its promotional video, Karotz might tell you that you have a date at the movies. WHA? This technology might be cutting edge, but the idea that your schedule is full of dates is…well…out-dated.
The Love Competition from Brent Hoff on Vimeo.
Filmmaker Brent Hoff and Stanford University’s Center for Cognitive and Neurobiological Imaging team up to document this Love Competition in which contestants lie in an MRI machine and love someone (or something, or love itself) for 5 minutes.
The “lovers” range from a 24-year-old woman doing chakra meditations, to a 1o-year-old boy, to a couple in their 70s who have been married for 50 years, to a dude in his 20s trying to get over a girl in his dah… And the winner is….?????
For a quick refresher course on the Time Orientation Theory in the realm of the post-dating world, check out my last two guest blogs on Past-Oriented and Present-Oriented people:
So I’m sure that by now, you’ve figured out that Future-Oriented is where we want to be. And you’d be right…sort of.
Future-Oriented people can be the best of all Times.
“When you surrender to what is and so become fully present, the past ceases to have any power. You do not need it anymore. Presence is the key. Now is the key.” – ECKHART TOLLE
If you want a picture of the WTF?! girls in our 9th grade production of Cinderella, I’m your girl. I love holding court at sorority alumnae weekends, regaling the younger sisters with tales of our former glory. Even my WTF?! username is a nickname that was bestowed upon me during my second day of college.
But being a Past-Positive has not worked out so well when it comes to relationships. Perhaps I should take the advice of Mr. Tolle and be more present and in the moment. Maybe I should forget the past, not worry about the future, and just live in the now.
Or maybe not.
Here’s a little test to see if you are a Present person. Was your yearbook quote:
A) “Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”
B) “Don’t take life too seriously; you’ll never get out of it alive.”
C) “Live fast, die young, leave a good-looking corpse.”
If you said yes to any of these – or any of them sound like totally awesome quotes to add to your Facebook page – you are one of our Present people. But is living totally for now, in the moment, with no regard for the past or future, really the best way to behave in a relationship?
What are Present people really all about?
How many times have we all rationalized away a failed relationship (or potential relationship) by invoking the ever-comforting, “the timing was just off?”
This platitude is cliché but reassuring. There is not something inherently wrong with us! Or the other person. The failure was just a function of that ineffable construct – Time. Right…? Like all the things we say to ourselves after facing the collapse of a relationship, we don’t necessarily believe it. But it certainly helps to ease the rejection.
But maybe time isn’t so intangible. Maybe timing is in fact everything.
I don’t mean “time,” in the sense that your efforts to get a guy to commit days after his fiance left him are not working, or that your 21-year-old crush is more interested in finding her new favorite happy hour spot than in going on a couples weekends with you, your best friend and his wife. I mean time in terms of how we perceive time, and consequently, our whole lives.
For decades, education researchers, psychologists and sociologists have been fascinated by a concept called future time orientation. There are dozens of scholarly articles on the topic – but for those without access to a university library log-in, you can get the condensed version here.
Basically, it all boils down to the argument that there are three lenses through which we view the world – Past, Present and Future. Each one has two sub-categories. And while this all may seem pretty simple, time-orientation can explain a lot about how you approach the world and what successes you might experience.
Don’t worry, there won’t be a test at the end.
For our WTF?! purposes, time-orientation also gives us insight into how we behave in our relationships, what we look for in our partners, and why sometimes – no matter how hard we try – the timing is just never right. A present hedonistic will probably never be happy with a future oriented, and a fatalist just can’t understand the past-negative’s inability to instantly get over his ex.
If you and the person you want to be with are living in different times, no matter how hard you may try, it is just not going to work.
In this post-dating world of e-harmony algorithms, networking-non-dates, and wider and wider pools of potential partners, maybe we shouldn’t be asking “What’s your sign?” but rather be wondering, “What’s your time?”
In New York, there are more post-dating stories than there are neighborhoods. The official estimate is about eight million, and that’s not counting the outer boroughs. Everyone’s got one. For all the Carrie Bradshaws out there, there is always a Samantha, and for all the illusive Mr. Big types, a girl can always count on finding a Steve or a Harry or a Smith Jerrod on a good day. Which brings me to my point: for all the talk of coupling in our modern stratosphere, WTF?! is up with all the single beautiful people here? Is it just that we have too many options?
A very beautiful (and very single) friend has a fondness for saying, “I’ve got too much to give it up on a trip to the Supermarket.” WTF?! Without delving into the practical implications of this statement, New Yorkers find it hard to settle for (or rather with) someone when this city has a crazy amount of “potentials” waiting to buy you a drink at the bar. But, don’t take my word for it; I have data!
As if smart guys weren’t hot enough.
According to a study that was recently featured on CNN.com (thanks to the always colorful Strongarm Gibbs for the heads up!), people with high IQs are more likely to be liberal and atheist than conservative and religious. More interestingly – for the purposes of this site, at least – men with high IQs are more likely to be sexually exclusive (read: willing to hook up with you and only you) than men with lower IQs.
Women, well, apparently there’s no difference. High IQ, low IQ – we’re just not that likely to cheat on you!
But soft! What light through yonder window breaks?
It is the East, and Juliet is the sun!
Arise, fair sun, and kill the envious moon
Who is already sick and pale with grief
That thou her maid art far more fair than she.
Be not her maid, since she is envious.
– Romeo & Juliet
We think we know what love is. We think we have felt love before. We think we know when we have been in love.
We’ve all dreamed of – and some of us have found – The One.
So WTF is THIS flow chart? Who the f*ck’s love life is THIS?
18 days ago, I decided to declare May “Jess, Stop Pretending You’re A Baller and Taking Cabs Everywhere” Month.
Growing up in the outskirts of NYC, I always swore to myself that I would never become one of those frivolous city dwellers who took cabs everywhere. Why waste so much money on taxis when you have access to one of the best subway systems in the world?! But then I moved to the city, and suddenly I was “hopping a cab” here, there and everywhere. Oh no, I’m running late! Hop a cab. These heels hurt! Hop a cab. It’s 2:00 am – I’ll get kidnapped if I walk those three blocks at this hour! Hop a cab. And my wallet suffered as a result.
So for the past few weeks, I’ve spent a lot of time on the subway. And lo and behold, it turns out that there are quite a few cute guys on the L train! As romantic optimists, Becky and I like to say that a romantic connection can happen anytime, anywhere. Including public transportation. Who knows…your soulmate could be sitting on the other side of that adorable Midwestern couple with the pull-out map…
datingandhookup.com is a website that explores modern romance in the Millennial era – which, let’s be honest, looks nothing like we were taught to expect. We feature essays, advice and social commentary with humor, compassion and brains, and we vow never, ever to publish a piece called “The 10 Best Ways to Satisfy Your Man in Bed”. Do click to submit your work to us. We love you.
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